S.Y.K

Guess what today is…..

It’s MONDAY!!! YAY

And the crowd goes wild..

Hopefully, you’ve realized such because, by the time this post is published, the work day will be ending 🙂

It’s none other than you know who – Candace – here for your weekly dose of So You Know. Never participated? Never fear, the guidelines are posted each week. Ready? Ok, good… Here we go…

  • Every Monday I will ask 1-5 questions.
  • You can answer all or just a few
  • Topics range from surface, general topics all the way to in-depth personal topics.
  • To participate you can either answer in the comment section below or create a post on your site and link back to the week’s S.Y.K. post. Don’t know how to link back? Chat with me and I’ll explain how.
  • Last but certainly not least – be honest!

The purpose of S.Y.K. is to give your readers insight to the person behind the blog ❤

As for my answers… you will find my answers below the week’s questions from the previous week’s questions.

Easy enough, right?!



  1. Do you see a therapist? If so, how does doing so influence your life?
  2. What is your favorite part of adulthood? Your least favorite (besides bills)?
  3. Are the government officials of your country trustworthy?
  4. How important, scale of 1-10, are leprechauns in the evolution of humans? 1-of least importance 10-required

That’s all of this weeks version of So You Know and below are my answers from last weeks questions. * read with caution – trigger warning – talk of suicide

  • How was your weekend? Honestly. I am writing this the same day last weeks so you know goes live and my weekend has been hell. I came close to committing suicide, I….realized the truth in the saying “we are not our thoughts” and it has impacted me.
  • Describe the clothes you are wearing now. Is this your normal Monday attire? My normal Monday attire is the most comfortable, stay at home and relax type of outfit imaginable.
  • Do you work a 9-5 job? No, I do not. I work the weekends, holidays, and early in the morning. On average I have two/three days off a week. My job is physically demanding and is reaching the point that I prepare to change careers.
  • Who do you look like, your Ma or your dad? My dad. Blah.

A New Rainy Day

Today has started

Today I have woke in a significantly better space. My sleep was a bit restless as I tossed and turned. An idea came to mind about creating a canvass and that idea kept me thinking about my own experience. Not an experience that I wanted to keep me awake, I will say that. One of being molested at the age of fourteen. I was a willing participant in the act but I can’t help but to think of how sick the 32 year old man was/is. Although I was willing how can a man for one minute believe that a fourteen year old knows what she is doing when it comes to sex and the activities that it involves. It is disturbing to say the least. Disturbing that I thought it was cool that a man of his age would want anything to do with a young teen and more disgusting that he did.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever disclosed this information but the weight of it felt extremely heavy last night and so, I decided if I hadn’t wrote about it, I would. The man is my step-uncles twin brother. Gross, right? I will not allow this to consume my thoughts today but I will tell y’all the idea I had. In the world of creative journaling, tabs are a big deal. Tabs? You ask. The tabs that stick out to make it easier to find a specific section, rather the tabs I reference are for decoration purposes.

These tabs can be made of sturdy cardstock, cardboard, fabric, anything you can staple to the side of the paper to make it easier to access a specific page. Well, for one reason or another, I thought it would a neat idea to have those who have been molested, willing or not, make a tab that represents the act they wish to forget. The tabs would be mailed to me and I will staple them to a thin canvass, creating a piece of art that collectively has been created from victims across the globe. Once the canvass is full, it could be auctioned off with 100% of the proceeds to victims of molestation. Let me know what you think of this idea. I will provide photos of what I mean when I say a tab, below.

Revenge of Eve

This isn’t to distract from me as much as it is to get out of pity. Let me know what you think of the idea. If it so happens you experienced such acts more than once, make tabs for each occasion. The tabs do not have to be pretty. They can be torn, wrinkled, ink-stained, whatever your idea is, I support. If there is an interest, we can do this together. I’m sure I could scan an outline of a tab for those who would prefer there to be a guide. If you wanted to write your abusers initials on the tab, do so. My hope is that this will help with letting the act(s) go.

Revenge of Eve

**Post update: I will purchase a post office box soon and will publish a post with the address for those interested. This can be an anonymous participation. I will not attach any personal information to the piece of canvass related to the tabs.

Writing Myself Well

I’m Not Well

That is the most honest statement I’ve written. I am not well. It is taking everything in me at the moment to type these words. What happened? Nothing specifically but enough to leave me in my bed going on a week now. This post won’t be full of frill or begging for sympathy. I am just curious if it is possible to write myself well.

What does that mean? I’m not sure but I do know I love my blog and this community. I apologize for not responding to any of the comments and I will get to that soon. Currently, my hands shake as I type and I want to close my laptop. I may. I may not.  I don’t know what to say. I am learning that just because I do not want to be bipolar, does not make me not bipolar.

I’ve had a manic episode for approximately nine months now. That’s a long time to be up and my plan is to not be down that long. But here’s the catch. I don’t have a plan. Oh but wait! I am working on one. I see a new counselor on Monday. I am here, writing and I plan to touch base at least once a day. What I write is all dependant on how I feel. I will try to be social but at this point, no promises. I consume myself with others as a distraction from working on myself. I’ve said this for years but the reality of it has slapped me in the face. It hurts. I am hurting.

What does writing myself well mean? I don’t know but I am at the point I will try anything. Over the past two years, I have slowly come to understand that I am worthy of life. Even typing that confuses me because I have learned it but find it hard to believe 100%. Who determines…I have a million questions that will never be answered. I’m not hoing to waste anymore time on those. I want to be better.

I’ll admit there have been times when being sick was easier than putting in the work it takes to get well but that is not the case this go ’round. This time is different. What’s even harder for me to understand is the number of people who believe that being this way is a choice. Why on Earth would anyone choose to live this way? How is this my fault? How do I stop it? I’d rather not exist but instead, I have this and a life that I have been given. For what I have yet to discover. But I, like you, have a purpose.

What If?…

I wonder if…

I said all that came to mind,

Who my words would find.

Why am I notoriously behind?

Last in line.


Is it true that if you want something

You must let it go?

If that’s the case,

I want out of this rat race!

To live my life

At a sloths pace.


What type of being

Has no face?

A ghost?

An alien?

I wonder.

How come
our soul

Isn’t in control?

And.

Is free will

Hell?

Does time
eventually…

tell?

Without our souls,

Aren’t our bodies

Only a shell?


How come we never know if an event is traumatic,

Until it’s over?

Read that again.

Think about it.


What if…

instead of the epidermis,

We were encased in glass.

How long would you last?

Would you shatter?

To whom would it matter?


Who said, Mad Hatter?


Listen closely.

Children scream silently.

Watch them.

Most importantly,

Listen to them.

They are people too.

Who???

You!


Take a look at you.
Embrace what it is that
Is…
You.
I wonder what if
Don’t you
?

S.Y.K.

Whaddup?!

Hey y’all! Today’s S.Y.K. is a list of questions that will have you thinking about the future.

This series was established for bloggers to share with their readers a more personal inside look at who is behind their favorite blogs.

Need help linking back to this post??

Email me and I can explain the process to you. It’s simple and you will have learned something new today!! Are you new to the scene? What better way to gain exposure than to participate in other bloggers series!!


S.Y.K-Revenge of Eve

Previous S.Y.K. posts: 1, 2, 3, 4…


I like to keep it pretty simple around here and here are a few things to keep in mind while participating:

  • There are no right or wrong answers… Your answers = Your opinion = Your life
  • Answer a few or one, whatever you are comfortable with
  • Pingback to any S.Y.K. post
  • Use the hashtag #SYK to tag your post
  • Be real. If you feel a certain type of way, say it. You were asked your opinion (double dog dare)

Extra info.

  • A number of questions will be asked. At least 1, no more than 5.
  • Questions will range in subject from cherries to prostitution.
  • Participation will consist of you creating a post on your website, listing the questions and responding.
  • Pingback to any SYK post

S.Y.K.-Revenge of Eve

*As a parent do you feel safe leaving the world in your children hands? Explain why or why not

*If you are child-free, do you feel we (humans) are heading in the right direction, as a whole?

*What do you consider the biggest difference in your generation and your parents generation? Compare the two using a positive impact and its negative effects.

*Do you feel like an old soul? Or a youngster? Why?

*What era would you chose to live in if given the chance?


My answers to last weeks questions:

  • How much of what you do for other others is conditional? When I give of myself or gift a gift, I do so without condition or expectation. However, it is nice to receive a thank you.
  • Are you driven by motive? Not when I do for others but in order for me to do anything for myself, there must be a reward.
  • Who do you think of when you offer assistance to someone in need? I mostly do for those who struggle and have children. I do for the children. While I am empathetic I am not sympathetic by far. The reason for me to do for those who struggle is strictly for the kids. I do donate to the local women’s home and will soon be able to work with local sex workers.
  • If you see someone, a stranger in distress, do you….. A. look the other way B. hang around to see if they receive help C. jump to aid them without thought D. help if you have time??? None of the above. I freeze. I physically cannot react/respond. I have been this way as long as I can remember. It is almost as though my system shuts down but the thought of the exchange of bodily fluid (my ocd trigger) has much to do with this. My ears usually ring when something bad happens so I stand in place with my eyes shut and my ears plugged. I wish the opposite were true.
  • Do you feel integrity is a moral or something created by society that guilts us to follow societal standards? I truly believe integrity is something that belongs to our soul and is the way to stay true to ourselves. With that said it is one of few standards not set by society. I am an open book and have no regret (except one) from my 40-years of existence and that is because what I’ve done behind closed doors, I would do regardless of who is watching.
Revenge of Eve

Blogging Blah

For no reason at all…

I am complete blah when it comes to anything blog related. Certainly, I’m not alone as I am sure this occurs from time to time. It’s possible that I have too much on my plate or because I am working two jobs again… But I can make any excuse. The reality is I am not feel’n it right now.


I know this is just a phase because my love of writing combined with my need for connection overrides any thoughts of stopping. In fact that never crossed my mind.

If you have followed me for any amount of time, I am sure you have noticed my lack of commitment recently. If you haven’t, it has been on a decline for at least a month. If I really think about it, I lost my momentum after making the decision to stop NYAC. I’ve briefly felt this way before and I hope to regain interest soon but for now, I am just coasting.

I didn’t even open my laptop until 1 a.m.!! I went for almost 24 hours without checking WordPress or reading any post. I believe that is a first since I began blogging. It is times like this that make the decision to go self-hosted difficult.

Some people will tell you that self-hosted is cheaper and way better but after your first year your hosting fee per month doubles if not triples, that does not include the good plug-ins that help operate the backend of your blog, or newer-up-to-date themes. I was told by another blogger that on average if you want to have a successful site, it costs around $500 a year.

If I invested that each year, there would be no breaks nor would I feel ok with taking a step back. You aren’t guaranteed any income and if you don’t get a lot of traffic, you won’t make money.


I’ve had so much going through my head. I have been manic, off and on, for about 4 months now and I fear a gigantic crash. For some reason, my depression happens more so in the summer months than the other times of the year. That’s odd because I love sunshine but maybe it is the heat that does it to me. Idk but I do know I do not want to fall too far from where I am. Such is my reality.

It is this blah-ness towards blogging that has me fearing a fall. I know many of you will suggest medication and I am not against medication, I’m just not ready to get back on ’em so basically, I get what I deserve…

Moving past that, work has been slow and money isn’t what it needs to be. Actually, I am sure that is contributing to why I feel this way and it bothers me that my emotions are attached to monetary gain. I wish I lived in a world where being a good person meant you had no worries.

Looking at my current status as a whole I come to the conclusion that something has to change. The podcasts I listen to are having an enormous impact on me and I know this discomfort has to do with something I am ignoring and until it gains my attention or I seek it, I will remain dissatisfied. It sucks knowing that all of my problems are me. Because of me. That’s it.

Instead of whining about it I will do as suggested and ground myself. Be present – which is so freak’n hard by the way. This human condition is for the birds!!

Much love from me to you!