Working on Us

Mental Health & Recovery

Working on Us

There is a new series presented by Beckie of the blog Beckie’s Mental Mess. If you are not following her journey, you are missing out!! If you have ever read the comment section of any given post here on R.O.E., you will have read Beckie’s input.

As a very supportive blogger and friend dear to me, I am honored she reached out and asked me to participate in her series. These days my blogging life is hit and miss and I appreciate the personal invite. This is the first of the first as Beckie’s first prompt challenge. Her intentions are to target the mental health community of bloggers.

Here, I’ll let her do the explaining…


RULES:

Each week I will ask a question or questions pertaining to mental health or I will even go as far as posting a surprise. Your job if you so choose to join along, is to write a post on your own blog, and creating a ping-back to the original post.

It is up to you the reader to decide if you want to write a non-fictional or fictional piece, poetry, short prose… Whatever you like and/or whatever you feel most comfortable doing. Whatever you choose to do, I will, therefore, reblog what you have written. This is one way to not only promote your site but also spread awareness to all things mental health related.

As an added bonus… Since there are so many different mental health illnesses/disorders, YOU, the blogger can send me a comment as to what you would like to be the next question (s), and they will be addressed in future posts.

What is the reason behind the “Mental Health Prompt of “Working on Us” (?) It’s fairly simple actually. I’d like this series to be an all-inclusive mental health community blog in order to be a source of more support towards one another. Idea’s, suggestions, and advice can be shared amongst the group.

So, Are We Ready? I am going to start with two prompts. You can pick one or both, and again, you can choose how you want this to be written.

~*~

Prompt #1 – Question:

When you first found out that you had a mental illness/disorder, what was your first reaction? Explain, how this new revelation regarding your health affected you?

Prompt #2 – Picture:

Revenge of Eve

Reminder: This is the first time I conducting “Prompts” so forgive me if I’m doing something wrong. 🙄

Select one or the other or both prompts. Write your own non-fictional, or fictional piece, or poetry, short story, (Whatever you want), then create a ping-back or copy your post and enter it in the comment section of this post.


There ya have it, straight from the horse’s mouth!!

And now for my part 💕


Some see a season

I see a twist

Do I dare speak

on what I see?

As you sit there

and stare

I do see

what you see

And

It’s never compared

Different

And you see

I was raised to believe

that me being me

was different

And

something

I

shouldn’t

be

Mental anguish

has broken me

Hail to

today

I shall say

as I see

A side profile

that represents a space

that houses the brain

Is it a tree you see?

Do you see…

snow on the ground?

I see a broken soul

Dead

Are those crows you see?

I see repetitive thoughts

circling

or maybe

birds of prey

feeding off the carcass

of the soul

With footprints leaving their mark

Proof

a soul was

once there

My vision stripped

bare

Because of you

I dare

and

share.

Revenge of Eve

So You Know (S.Y.K.)

Creative & Collective

So You Know

I was going to mention how quick the week came and went and then I realized we are halfway through the year!! Wowzers!! Can you believe we are already 6 months into 2019?!?!

Every Monday here on R.O.E. we present a series of questions for bloggers to answer with the hopes of getting to know the person behind the screen better. You can participate by creating a post on your site answering the week’s questions or you may answer them in the comment section below. If you choose to publish a post, please create a pingback to this week’s edition of S.Y.K.

Easy, peasy!


This week’s Questions

  • Do you have a hobby? If so, what is it?
  • How did you discover your interest in your hobby?
  • Do you find having a hobby helps with maintaining your mental wellness? How so?
  • Where do you find materials for staying active with your hobby?
  • Have you ever considered monetizing your hobby? Or if you already do, do you still enjoy it as a hobby?

My answers to last week’s S.Y.K.

  1. What is your favorite part of summer? I would have to say having cook outs by the pool or at the lake is my favorite part. I love the closeness I feel to nature when I am using traditional methods of feeding people by using the bare essentials of modern day cookware. If that makes sense. Lol
  2. Do you swim in bodies of water that are questionable? Like where you cannot see the bottom – lakes, ponds, the ocean… if so, what’s is your fear in doing so? When I was a kid we swam in anything that created a puddle. Manmade ponds and lakes with slimy bottoms where you couldn’t see your feet with red clay mud being the structure of the pond. These days, not so much. If I get in a body of water it is to cool off by quickly throwing water over my body or getting on a float in the shallow end and rowing myself out to the deep end. I will however swim in a pool but not after fourth of July – in Louisiana at least. Why? The water after the fourth is like bath water and I cannot stand the thought of urine filled bath water especially when the urine isn’t my own. Yuck. The ocean is a little different because of the ability to see my feet. I am still a bit weirded out about the marine life though. Arkansas has beautiful bodies of water with cold. flowing water that is clear and with rock bottoms. That is my kind of water to be in. Streams and flowing water is what I prefer.
  3. What is the average temperature (Fahrenheit) of summer in your area? on average I would say between the months of May and August 90 degrees is average but it soars into the 100’s more often than I like. UGH!!! I’m not ready for it!
  4. Do you have access to a pool? If so, is it your own private pool or a complex pool? I do but I don’t. We are allowed to use my Ma’s best friend’s private pool but I don’t very often. My co-worker who lives across the street has an apartment and I have laid out at her complex’s pool once this year.
  5. What ocean is closest to you? The Gulf of Mexico is at the bottom of Louisiana but I don’t believe I’ve ever been in it.

That’s it for this weeks edition of S.Y.K. If there are things you wish you knew about other bloggers, submit a list of questions you would like to know the answer too and I will use them in future So You Knows. You can do so by chatting with me via email.

Thanks for participating and as always, I love y’all!!!

Revenge of Eve
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6.2.19

Personal Growth & Goals

The first week of summer comes to an end today and I must say it has been enjoyable. The quality time spent with my daughter is priceless and watching her develop a work ethic is admirable. Everything went as smooth as possible and I look forward to the next week she is here. We have a goal set to work toward as a reward for our hard work. We will reap its benefits early October and it will be a memory making time to be had. I look forward to it.

Things with myself are taking a turn for the better as I have opened myself to the possibilities of living not existing. I see positive changes on the horizon and even a possibility for happiness – one that I’ve never had.

Today I love the person I am becoming and I have faith in her and her ideas.

Presenting-An Introduction-Revenge of Eve

An Introduction

Louisiana Love, R.O.E. Need To Know

The final!

Or is it???

In an effort to keep my insanely awesome, smart, and talented readers informed {and myself organized} I introduce categories as they debut.

My original intentions were to have a few categories that evolve with my site and if I am correct today’s category makes # 9 on R.O.E. For all intents and purposes I wanted to have a formal description for when I describe my idea of an unconventional lifestyle niche. What better way than using R.O.E.’s categories to do so?!

There has been one category introduced that has not had a published post. Ma & Me is an essential category in my life but because of recent conflict, I have yet to have something worth writing. Sure, I could have published a many posts bitching and complaining but that doesn’t help me to resolve the conflicts when they arise. We are working through things the only way we know how but I will say this…my approach has been significantly different this go round.

Could this mean what I think it means?? Am I growing up?


Each day I am able to recognize growth in myself. Whether this is in my interpersonal relationships, the relationship I have with myself, or in general…I can see it. I mean…I don’t mean to toot my own horn but its time I give myself credit because that is part of my growth as well. I also give credit where credit is due.

Because of You

I have the courage to fight.

Because of y’all, I see potential.

And best of all, because of y’all,

I believe I’m worth it because ya know what??? I’m not so bad after all.

When I first began Revenge of Eve my tagline was:

On a journey guided by a broken compass.

And that couldn’t be any truer but I embrace that now. I know that if I make a mistake, that doesn’t make me a mistake. I know that getting off track doesn’t mean all of my efforts are a waste, that is part of the journey.

These days I am much easier on myself and I also congratulate myself for a job well done. I never knew this to be possible but enough about how wonderful I am…😂


Depending on how long you have been following my fumbles you may or may not be aware that I live in Louisiana. The boot state at the bottom of the map (United States). While my state may not rank in the top 10 for highest test scores or best places to visit, it ranks #1 in my eyes. Sure, collectively we can improve but when it comes to culture, food, and fun – we outrank any state!!

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Adding Louisiana Love as a category to R.O.E. allows me to highlight the things I love about my home state, learn some new stuff and share some interesting facts with y’all!

I can barely contain my excitement!!

Pssst…be on the look out for the first post in this category!

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S.Y.K

Holiday Greetings

So You Know

S.Y.K.

Revenge of Eve

YO, Yo, Yo! It’s our favorite day of the week but this Monday is different because all most of my lovely followers are off for Memorial Day!! Gotta love a holiday weekend 🙂

– Happy Memorial Day –

Monday just happens to be my day off and it is no surprise it is my fave. The bonus is learning about fellow bloggers through the series S.Y.K.!

If you aren’t familiar with how this works, just follow a few simple steps and give your readers insight into the person behind the scenes – YOU!


  • Answer a few question by creating a post on your site or you can answer in the comment section below. Answer all or a few, its up to you.
  • If you create a post, link back to this week’s S.Y.K. post. Don’t know how? Let’s chat and I’ll walk you through it.
  • My only request is that you be honest with your answers.
  • Have fun. Be silly or serious – whichever fits the tone of your site
  • Be you because that’s who we want to learn about.

This Week’s Questions

  1. What is your favorite part of summer?
  2. Do you swim in bodies of water that are questionable? Like where you cannot see the bottom – lakes, ponds, the ocean… if so, what’s is your fear in doing so?
  3. What is the average temperature (Fahrenheit) of summer in your area?
  4. Do you have access to a pool? If so, is it your own private pool or a complex pool?
  5. What ocean is closest to you?

See, that wasn’t so bad! I can’t wait to read your answers and pin your location on a map that I have decided to keep close by to have a visual of where my blogging friends are located.


So You Know- Revenge of Eve
So You Know

My answers to last week’s questions:

  • How long have you blogged? What is the anniversary? I began blogging on July 15, 2017. I established my site on the 30th of May but had no clue what I was doing and so it sat for a little over a month before I decided to revisit it. I consider the 15th of July the anniversary of R.O.E.
  • What was your original purpose for beginning a blog? To be the author of my story. I had met a customer whose wife died from bulimia and when I asked about her, expecting him to tell a story related to her personality, he told a vague life story that did her no justice. He told the story of a woman abandoned by man and taken over by disease. In that very moment, I made the decision to share my story. It is one of struggle but it is mine. The efforts, the setbacks, and the victories all belong to me.
  • Did you research about blogging before establishing your own? None whatsoever and I am so glad that I did not. I would’ve never started. After a year of blindly blogging, I decided to search for blogging tips on Pinterest and let me tell ya…information overload. Too much out there. I am grateful I am self-taught because that is something I am proud of and no one can take it from me.
  • Has your purpose evolved or changed directions? If so, what was the determining factor for the change? Oh lord has it?!! I am easily distracted by shiny, new promises and that is where research landed me. Given too many options and I’ll forever struggle. I like a little bit of everything but my why behind blogging, in general, has stayed the same. From time to time I add things, take ’em away, quit, pursue but inevitably, my purpose is for others to know that they are not alone and I emphasize the importance of sharing your story whether that be in a journal or a blog, regardless, do not allow someone else to say who you are/were. You tell it!!!
  • What determines your measure of success as far as blogging is concerned? I have to agree with many of the bloggers who participated in this series of questions and say it is the interaction with others in the community. The feedback, encouragement, and engagement are far more rewarding than any number will ever be.

I cannot figure out why the above text, some of it, stays high lit. In order for it to be bold or italicized, I highlight it and click the b or the I. The first question and answer worked perfectly but the others…I’m over trying to correct so I will publish. I noticed it did this in last week’s answer section as well. Any suggestions or solutions? I am all ears!

Please Excuse the Mess

Mental Health & Recovery
Revenge of Eve Logo

As some of you may know, R.O.E. is undergoing some growing pains – most effected by these adjustments is the design. Originally I warned that I would not be investing the time into redesigning because it is likely things will soon change. What I have privately decided is to take it easy on the blogging front over the summer but also, I cannot allow my space to look ugly. Lol…but seriously. There is no way I can click on this site and be proud of any of the content when the photo sizes are customized to suite a premium theme when I have opted for the free site for the time being. I cannot do it. I also will not fret about having everything changed in a set amount of time.

The photo above is my new logo and I love it. I will be making some adjustments to it by trying to remove the glare from the metallic letters but until then, here it is!!


Tell me whatcha think!


I have shifted most of my focus to preserving and enjoying life as it happens. I have been very fortunate in my recovery and I am grateful for that but not long ago I was taken back to a place I never thought I’d revisit. Not because I believed I was cured but because it slammed me against the wall with no mercy. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know something was brewing but I did not expect it to be as severe as it were.

In true Candace form, I looked for the lesson in the pain and boy were there a few this time!! One that I took away was: I have become so comfortable with seclusion that I am not living. Don’t get me wrong, I am comfortable because I truly love the things I spend my time doing these days but for my mental wellness, it is not healthy for me to constantly be alone. Granted my thinking has been minimal, I can still do some damage with my thinker if left to my own devices.

On my creative journey, I have noticed that inspiration for projects come when I am enjoying life at the moment instead of sitting at home searching for it. This is where I draw my creativity from and when I do the bare minimum of it, my creative well runs dry.

Please Excuse the Mess- Revenge of Eve

Having reconnected with my best friend (more on that later) I see a summer spent preparing (my) Kid for her senior year and helping my bestie with her four. This summer marks the second year that we all have not attended a music festival and we are all feeling it!

Being a single parent to four wild children that range in age from 14 – almost 5, I’d say she has her hands full. When a mutual friend reached out to me and insisted I check on her, I made the decision to express the pain I’ve felt from the two years of separation as well as why I had to step away. We cried and as always I devised a plan. One that we will carry out over the summer together.

We have a huge task ahead of us but I know that if we are consistent, it will be successful. I had reached a segment of my recovery where I had to step away from her to continue my journey but in doing so I carried guilt. One that wasn’t allowing me to progress rather contributed to my last breakdown. We have survived this life as one and I refuse to leave her behind to defend for herself and her four rugrats alone. I made it clear to her that I cannot and will not do so but she has to do her part because I can’t do it for her. She agreed. We cried, hugged and now comes time for some serious scheduling and discipline because her children are like ferell children doing as they please and running her home rampid with disrespect and terrible attitudes.

Today (yesterday) is the first day of summer here in NorthWest Louisiana and I am about to put action to a dream plan. I will not be posting verbatim my daily rigamarole but I will keep a notebook and a log. This is to serve as a record keeper for what worked and what didn’t. If you are curious about this project and want to receive progress updates, subscribe to receive theGarden in your inbox!

I am not taking on any projects that go outside of what my focus is. I’ve actually a few things in the works but I’m not going to speak on them because that’s when I place unnecessary pressure on myself and end up failing every single time. Things are looking up and I have no expectations attached. I want to laugh, love and live for crying out loud. That’s it! And those are the three things I am working towards these days, how about you?

A Glimpse of the Light

Personal Growth & Goals
Revenge of Eve

Beginning

I am beginning to notice the closer I inch towards peace, the pain tries to pull me back.

The teen I became screams from within. She feels deep rejection when I shove her back down. I’ve not ever tried to hide her but she is only seen if I allow. She craves the attention of a boy. But that has gotten her nowhere. I love her yet must let her lie. And with her… my attraction to rejection must die.

I am not ashamed of her. I do not blame her. I want nothing more than for her to grow but…I must let her go. She tugs from within begging to roam free. But she doesn’t realize she was constructed out of necessity. No longer is she my priority. I seek the youngest of me.

She who was first in line. First to be criticized. Ostracized. Demoralized. Characterized and cast aside. It is her the layers protect. Finding and loving her is my life’s project. Hidden beneath the ashes of self-hate, guilt, shame, confusion, rejection…she wait. An innocence and forgiveness is all she has to offer for she knew no better.

I do not want to part with who I chose to become, without them, I’d never made it this far. I wish to respect and love all of me. Just because. If only others who have no choice but to be in my life (temporarily – one year count down began in February) could just lay them to rest, I can reach my best. But…what a shame. Belittling me to elevate yourself stands for nothing-surely no gain. It doesn’t work that way. A one-sided battle is being fought. I surrendered so long ago.

I can only imagine, that at my best, I pose a threat.

A woman awaits to emerge. She’s kind and gentle yet firm in her boundaries. She finds acceptance in peace. She refuses to play guilty or the victim role. She knows that who she is is enough. Her story is full mistakes that caused pain for her to share wisdom only experience can obtain. Accept her or walk away.

A healthy version of myself is someone I have not met. The great thing about her is that I place no limits nor do I have expectations set.

5.19.19

Mental Health & Recovery
revenge of eve

Waging War

Her words

her ammo.

Pain

her battle.

Branding her

war’s cattle.

The depth of

wounds

sear her soul.

Armor so heavy,

slicing her

flesh.

Onlookers

smell

defeat

without

a second

glance.

A woman

forced

to war,

as society

cast stones.

Fatigue she wears

to honor

her

struggle.

She fight

to earn a spot.

To hold her space

in this

fucked up

place.

So You Know (S.Y.K.)

Personal Growth & Goals

S.Y.K.

So You Know is a weekly series of random questions meant to give the reader insight into the blogger behind the screen. Participation is easy!! Just answer a few or all of the questions below in the comment section or publish your own post. Don’t forget to pingback to this weeks post so I can check out your answers.

See? Easy, peasy!!

So You Know- Revenge of Eve
So You Know
– Not sure how to create a pingback link? That’s okay!! Chat with me and I’ll walk you through it –

This Week’s Questions

  • How long have you blogged? What is the anniversary?
  • What was your original purpose for beginning a blog?
  • Did you research about blogging before establishing your own?
  • Has your purpose evolved or changed directions? If so, what was the determining factor for the change?
  • What determines your measure of success as far as blogging is concerned?

My answers to last week’s S.Y.K.

  1. Do you see a therapist? If so, how does doing so influence your life? I have recently began seeing a therapist, again. My track record with them has been 2 for 5..and I am on the 2 of the five. This is my time seeing a therapist in private practice. All of the one’s prior have been in a clinic setting and were seen on an emergency basis. I was in crisis when I search for therapist who takes my insurance and I am extremely lucky to have clicked on the one I did. We have only had one session but I already know she’s the one for me. She was sent to me for sure!!! Not sure why but I’ve never disclosed all of my “ugly” to my therapist and yet when I sat with her, it all came gushing out. Even the things I’ve not ever said. For the times that I’ve had success with my therapist, the impact has been rewarding and validating.
  2. What is your favorite part of adulthood? Your least favorite (besides bills)? I suppose the only joy in adulthood for myself is being able to say that I am an adult although I do not feel like one. The freedom of it is nice but the extent in which I feel free is limited because I live with my Ma. It is only recently that I’ve began respecting her home as a place to live. Previously I treated it as a hotel of sorts. I would stay out with friends all night only coming here to shower. I have lived with her and my sister off and on my entire life yet I never “lived” with them. I never fully unpacked my belongings or stayed around long enough to have family time. I would come and go with my hours of operation opposite of theirs. During the school year my hours would be more predictable due to being on my daughter’s schedule.
  3. Are the government officials of your country trustworthy? I pled the fifth. I have no opinions when it comes to politics but I will say Louisiana is known for its crooked politicians.
  4. How important, scale of 1-10, are leprechauns in the evolution of humans? 1-of least importance 10-required Being that I am a second generation immigrant, my dad is from Belfast, I would say 10. Without those wee fellas I am afraid there would be no me!!

R.O.E. 411

R.O.E. Need To Know

Last month I thought my WordPress plan was set to renew but that is only done when you have a card on file. My plan wasn’t due to expire until the 30th of May and while I had the money to renew last month, I decided not too for a few reasons.

Revenge of Eve
  • I am unsure of which plan will best suit my needs for the next twelve months
  • I have not decided on my set plan of attack for selling my memory keeping journals and journaling packets
  • I haven’t weighed my options about the benefits of having a paid for plan verses a free site considering I do not have a plan mapped out for selling things online
  • I have missed too much work to invest in something without seeing a return immediately
  • My only fret is that my design layout will be affected and I am not so certain I will invest the time to get it how I want it due to when I do decide having to invest the time on the new site
  • I have stepped back from blogging and reading blogs daily to avoid burnout
  • My personal life needs attention
  • The domain remains mine because it was purchased separately and at a later date from the plan so I do not fear the loss of it
  • I want to be more intentional with all I do from here on out
  • Direction, routine, and scheduling are things high on my short list of priorities and sticking to them is my biggest priority
  • A free site is suitable for the time being and forces me to establish an action plan in regards to my desires to work from home
  • I am unsure if I want to air my personal life in the same space I want to develop a professional relationship with customers
  • I may use a free site for personal and launch a professional site using a paid for site…the problem there lies not being able to transfer my following to my business site but having my followers on my free site allows them the choice to follow if my business is targeted at their individual interests
  • I’ve attempted operating two sites before and one suffered and the other never quite took off but in comparison to beginning my first site, it did well
  • I do not want to abandon my R.O.E. as my web persona but I also want to be respected professionaly
  • I have no clue what direction I want to go in professionally speaking
  • I am working on a few projects so my time is limited

Did I say a few reasons? Lol… It’s more than a few and I need more time to sort things out. The purpose of this post was to a. receive feedback and suggestions from my loyal followers b. to have my thoughts/questions/concerns listed out for reference c. to inform y’all that the overall design of R.O.E. is soon to change due to the fact that final decisions have not been made. Free themes are limited to chose from and if I am honest, I’m not pressuring myself to invest the time it takes to design a website without knowing my next move. If you have any insight into the operations of the WordPress business plan, Etsy, or Shopify please let me know your experience in the comments. Or do you use a self-hosted platform? If so, how much behind the scenes work is required? It is difficult and much more time consuming? Any feedback is great feedback!!

Revenge of Eve