Answers to questions to unsolved curiosities are found.
The presence of love can be found.
An alternate perception is had.
A flower’s scent is sensed.
An airplane heard.
A baby soothed.
Growth from within felt.
Positive energy flows.
Consciousness you’ll know.
Awareness is experienced on a whole new level.
A wholeness is felt.
A oneness seems possible.
Hope is restored.
On this full moon’s night my mind, of course, takes flight. Resembling a warrior fighting their toughest of fights, I stay present with all my might. Moments of times past try to haunt my efforts of remaining present and so I fight. I smell the scent of the flowers, I feel the breeze from the storm that is rolling in. The goosebumps take over my skin with each lightning strike. Tonight these moments give me hope. A hope that wavers with each passing second. A hope that holds tight and reminds me what it is I love about full moons night.
To my only child:
We share the same moon and when you look at it know that I look at it too. No matter the distance that is in between, together forever we will be. Despite the wedge those drive between our bond, the universe knows where each of us belongs. My heart sings only one song. It is that of a mom who wants only the best yet who stands buried by life’s test. I know in my heart the moon cleanses the rest. My sincerest love is all I have to give, this I confess. Momma loves you although times are stressed and I hope you realize such with the energy of tonight’s full moon that my love for you never rests. – Momma loves you Luce ❤
It is so easy to fall within the frame of mind that lends itself to negativity without realizing how it contributes to the negative vibes that sometimes consume our world but today, I refuse to do so. Today I will not feel like my happiness is set up rather enjoy it and accept it.
Too often I find that I am guilty of wallering in moments that have passed but because of me, they remain. I’m going to let go of any of that and appreciate the beauty in the small gifts I am gifted, today.
The weather is absolutely gorgeous in Louisiana today!!
My sweet J-Baby cooperated so nicely while I groomed him.
My daughter will have this day as a canvass to build upon and remember as she has her varsity soccer try-outs today.
I am off work.
I have my freedom.
I have a support system that is the foundation for building my self-confidence.
I have learned that this moment is all I have and knowing such has altered the way I see life in general.
I am learning to let go of what I cannot control and it is the most liberating thing I’ve ever experienced.
I have mobility in that I can walk, use my arms and hands, and my thumbs which typed this gratitude post 😉
I have a healthy, thriving, intelligent child.
I belong to an amazing community of like-minded bloggers who encourage me from all over the world.
Today, I believe in myself.
Acknowledging my faults and learning from my mistakes is a strength I often dismiss but not today.
I could go on but I will stop with those because I’ve got some vitamin D to soak up!!!☀
What are some things that you are grateful for today?? Let me know in the comments.
I hope all who read this realize the impact you have had on my life. Words do no justice for when trying to express that because of many of you I have the will to live and not just exist. Y’all have singlehandedly changed the way I view myself, my potential and my purpose which has completely changed my perspective about this thing we call life. That’s huge for someone who wanted to die 10 days ago and from the bottom of my heart
Hopefully, you’ve realized such because, by the time this post is published, the work day will be ending 🙂
It’s none other than you know who – Candace – here for your weekly dose of So You Know. Never participated? Never fear, the guidelines are posted each week. Ready? Ok, good… Here we go…
Every Monday I will ask 1-5 questions.
You can answer all or just a few
Topics range from surface, general topics all the way to in-depth personal topics.
To participate you can either answer in the comment section below or create a post on your site and link back to the week’s S.Y.K. post. Don’t know how to link back? Chat with me and I’ll explain how.
Last but certainly not least – be honest!
The purpose of S.Y.K. is to give your readers insight to the person behind the blog ❤
As for my answers… you will find my answers below the week’s questions from the previous week’s questions.
Easy enough, right?!
Do you see a therapist? If so, how does doing so influence your life?
What is your favorite part of adulthood? Your least favorite (besides bills)?
Are the government officials of your country trustworthy?
How important, scale of 1-10, are leprechauns in the evolution of humans? 1-of least importance 10-required
That’s all of this weeks version of So You Know and below are my answers from last weeks questions. * read with caution – trigger warning – talk of suicide
How was your weekend? Honestly.I am writing this the same day last weeks so you know goes live and my weekend has been hell. I came close to committing suicide, I….realized the truth in the saying “we are not our thoughts” and it has impacted me.
Describe the clothes you are wearing now. Is this your normal Monday attire? My normal Monday attire is the most comfortable, stay at home and relax type of outfit imaginable.
Do you work a 9-5 job? No, I do not. I work the weekends, holidays, and early in the morning. On average I have two/three days off a week. My job is physically demanding and is reaching the point that I prepare to change careers.
Who do you look like, your Ma or your dad? My dad. Blah.
But we aren’t taught how to cope when our daughter becomes a ho
Or our son an abusive asshole
Or a drug addict,
But, HEY! At least you get ONE day!
So to all the mothers out there…
Don’t think you are alone in a world of perfect moms because none of us have it figured out. All you can do is be the best version of yourself and if anyone wants to judge you for that, fuck them, wink back.
Today I have woke in a significantly better space. My sleep was a bit restless as I tossed and turned. An idea came to mind about creating a canvass and that idea kept me thinking about my own experience. Not an experience that I wanted to keep me awake, I will say that. One of being molested at the age of fourteen. I was a willing participant in the act but I can’t help but to think of how sick the 32 year old man was/is. Although I was willing how can a man for one minute believe that a fourteen year old knows what she is doing when it comes to sex and the activities that it involves. It is disturbing to say the least. Disturbing that I thought it was cool that a man of his age would want anything to do with a young teen and more disgusting that he did.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever disclosed this information but the weight of it felt extremely heavy last night and so, I decided if I hadn’t wrote about it, I would. The man is my step-uncles twin brother. Gross, right? I will not allow this to consume my thoughts today but I will tell y’all the idea I had. In the world of creative journaling, tabs are a big deal. Tabs? You ask. The tabs that stick out to make it easier to find a specific section, rather the tabs I reference are for decoration purposes.
These tabs can be made of sturdy cardstock, cardboard, fabric, anything you can staple to the side of the paper to make it easier to access a specific page. Well, for one reason or another, I thought it would a neat idea to have those who have been molested, willing or not, make a tab that represents the act they wish to forget. The tabs would be mailed to me and I will staple them to a thin canvass, creating a piece of art that collectively has been created from victims across the globe. Once the canvass is full, it could be auctioned off with 100% of the proceeds to victims of molestation. Let me know what you think of this idea. I will provide photos of what I mean when I say a tab, below.
This isn’t to distract from me as much as it is to get out of pity. Let me know what you think of the idea. If it so happens you experienced such acts more than once, make tabs for each occasion. The tabs do not have to be pretty. They can be torn, wrinkled, ink-stained, whatever your idea is, I support. If there is an interest, we can do this together. I’m sure I could scan an outline of a tab for those who would prefer there to be a guide. If you wanted to write your abusers initials on the tab, do so. My hope is that this will help with letting the act(s) go.
**Post update: I will purchase a post office box soon and will publish a post with the address for those interested. This can be an anonymous participation. I will not attach any personal information to the piece of canvass related to the tabs.
That is the most honest statement I’ve written. I am not well. It is taking everything in me at the moment to type these words. What happened? Nothing specifically but enough to leave me in my bed going on a week now. This post won’t be full of frill or begging for sympathy. I am just curious if it is possible to write myself well.
What does that mean? I’m not sure but I do know I love my blog and this community. I apologize for not responding to any of the comments and I will get to that soon. Currently, my hands shake as I type and I want to close my laptop. I may. I may not. I don’t know what to say. I am learning that just because I do not want to be bipolar, does not make me not bipolar.
I’ve had a manic episode for approximately nine months now. That’s a long time to be up and my plan is to not be down that long. But here’s the catch. I don’t have a plan. Oh but wait! I am working on one. I see a new counselor on Monday. I am here, writing and I plan to touch base at least once a day. What I write is all dependant on how I feel. I will try to be social but at this point, no promises. I consume myself with others as a distraction from working on myself. I’ve said this for years but the reality of it has slapped me in the face. It hurts. I am hurting.
What does writing myself well mean? I don’t know but I am at the point I will try anything. Over the past two years, I have slowly come to understand that I am worthy of life. Even typing that confuses me because I have learned it but find it hard to believe 100%. Who determines…I have a million questions that will never be answered. I’m not hoing to waste anymore time on those. I want to be better.
I’ll admit there have been times when being sick was easier than putting in the work it takes to get well but that is not the case this go ’round. This time is different. What’s even harder for me to understand is the number of people who believe that being this way is a choice. Why on Earth would anyone choose to live this way? How is this my fault? How do I stop it? I’d rather not exist but instead, I have this and a life that I have been given. For what I have yet to discover. But I, like you, have a purpose.
S.Y.K. gives an insider look at our personal opinions about everyday life. It challenges us to speak our opinion when asked because half the time, we aren’t even asked yet we vomit it up (eeeewwwwee) 🙂 The questions asked are random questions usually prompted by things I see occurring often or things that keep showing up in my life. To answer them is not to debate them rather participate and… well, share your opinion on certain subjects.
Never participated?? No problemo. Simple and easy to follow instructions————- answer the questions!! I’m a bit of a smartass today, aren’t I? But seriously…
Create a post on your site answering the following questions OR post your answers in the comments. If you publish a post, pingback to any S.Y.K post. Badabingbadabom! And that’s it folks…
As for my answers, I post them with the new set of questions, the following week, except last week we didn’t do S.Y.K. because I had stuff going on-my bad and I posted about stationery so, yeah.
How was your weekend? Honestly.
Describe the clothes you are wearing now. Is this your normal Monday attire?
Do you work a 9-5 job?
Who do you look like, your Ma or your dad?
Now if this is your first go-round of S.Y.K., don’t let this week’s questions fool you. We normally get pretty deep or I do…bahahahaha
Thanks for dropping by and please, say hi. Have a wonderful Monday and if you are struggling, always know I am struggling (mentally) more 😦 Jk…know that I love you 😉