S.Y.K.

Whaddup?!

Hey y’all! Today’s S.Y.K. is a list of questions that will have you thinking about the future.

This series was established for bloggers to share with their readers a more personal inside look at who is behind their favorite blogs.

Need help linking back to this post??

Email me and I can explain the process to you. It’s simple and you will have learned something new today!! Are you new to the scene? What better way to gain exposure than to participate in other bloggers series!!


S.Y.K-Revenge of Eve

Previous S.Y.K. posts: 1, 2, 3, 4…


I like to keep it pretty simple around here and here are a few things to keep in mind while participating:

  • There are no right or wrong answers… Your answers = Your opinion = Your life
  • Answer a few or one, whatever you are comfortable with
  • Pingback to any S.Y.K. post
  • Use the hashtag #SYK to tag your post
  • Be real. If you feel a certain type of way, say it. You were asked your opinion (double dog dare)

Extra info.

  • A number of questions will be asked. At least 1, no more than 5.
  • Questions will range in subject from cherries to prostitution.
  • Participation will consist of you creating a post on your website, listing the questions and responding.
  • Pingback to any SYK post

S.Y.K.-Revenge of Eve

*As a parent do you feel safe leaving the world in your children hands? Explain why or why not

*If you are child-free, do you feel we (humans) are heading in the right direction, as a whole?

*What do you consider the biggest difference in your generation and your parents generation? Compare the two using a positive impact and its negative effects.

*Do you feel like an old soul? Or a youngster? Why?

*What era would you chose to live in if given the chance?


My answers to last weeks questions:

  • How much of what you do for other others is conditional? When I give of myself or gift a gift, I do so without condition or expectation. However, it is nice to receive a thank you.
  • Are you driven by motive? Not when I do for others but in order for me to do anything for myself, there must be a reward.
  • Who do you think of when you offer assistance to someone in need? I mostly do for those who struggle and have children. I do for the children. While I am empathetic I am not sympathetic by far. The reason for me to do for those who struggle is strictly for the kids. I do donate to the local women’s home and will soon be able to work with local sex workers.
  • If you see someone, a stranger in distress, do you….. A. look the other way B. hang around to see if they receive help C. jump to aid them without thought D. help if you have time??? None of the above. I freeze. I physically cannot react/respond. I have been this way as long as I can remember. It is almost as though my system shuts down but the thought of the exchange of bodily fluid (my ocd trigger) has much to do with this. My ears usually ring when something bad happens so I stand in place with my eyes shut and my ears plugged. I wish the opposite were true.
  • Do you feel integrity is a moral or something created by society that guilts us to follow societal standards? I truly believe integrity is something that belongs to our soul and is the way to stay true to ourselves. With that said it is one of few standards not set by society. I am an open book and have no regret (except one) from my 40-years of existence and that is because what I’ve done behind closed doors, I would do regardless of who is watching.
Revenge of Eve

In Search Of

In Search Of-Revenge of Eve

Realizations

I had an epiphany the other day when I published Southern Belle from Hell. I even said it in the letter.

If two strangers have the same negative experience with you, you need to check yourself…..

And then I went on to say that I encounter these type of women on a daily basis, in which I do but…

I do not take back nor apologize for what I said in the letter…but what I will do is acknowledge my part.

What the hell am I doing?

Is it the fact that I am manic? (I need to admit that to myself because it is what it is…right?) Today I am too much for people and I can see how. I have been medication free for almost three months so that sounds about right.

Back on my meds again, soon? As much as I hate it, it’s a possibility.

In search of-Revenge of Eve

Hold up…do I hate it? If I did I would be curving to the temptations of astigmatism. I do not hate it. I am embracing It.

Sitting with it.

Allowing it to be just as it is.

This is my first ever omission to mania. I usually try to hoard it and keep it bottled in. In all honesty, it was this post on The Bipolar Writer, written by C.M. North, that cued me to tune in.

This is my first time to recognize, better yet, acknowledge the symptoms of my mania.

Everything is overwhelming. My senses are heightened and I feel…discombobulated.

Out of it.

Someone needs me.

I am forgetting something.

My mind races 1,000 mph.

I take things personally.

I am not in my lane.

I am in search of…..

This is when I unintentionally hurt peoples feelings. I am brutally honest, often unapologetically. My truth is being exposed so….fuck it, I’ll expose yours.

Paranoia sets in.

The whispers start. And it isn’t my imagination because they are talking about me. They talk about how I am mean, bossy, and a bitch yet they claim to not judge others or even better, they understand.

I don’t even understand.

I question if I should ride this wave a bit longer. But I know I shouldn’t because it affects everyone. Not just me.

I go to extremes and the fall…

.

the fall is brutal, puncturing any progress I’ve made along the way. As I rapidly type this, no really you should see my thumbs tapping away, I am putting together the puzzle of my life. My eyes are opening but the question that remains is,

Am I ready to not be this way? It’s all I know but all I am discovering. And all I wish to go away.

You may say, ” you act like you have a choice”.

I think I do and it is others who my mania effects negatively and maybe I am tired of dumbing myself down for them. No one cares that I am sensitive. Nope, all they remember are my words. Their truth.

Subsequently

Having a mental illness is a challenge. Having cooccurring disorders is torcher. The gravitational pull into the abyss is daunting. It glitters, inviting me into its embrace. The familiarity is the bait. The contentment, isolating. Before you know it, a hospital gown with no underwire bra. No drawstring pants. The exciting time of your day is med time.

We are caged.


In Search Of-Revenge of Eve

After some research and sleep, I woke refreshed. There has been a huge shift with the moon. This explains everything. If you have followed R.O.E. for any length of time, you have heard me speak of the moon and the effects it has on me. This type of shift hasn’t happened in 9 years!!.

When I often discuss the way I feel with energy it is referred to as being an empath. I have never really liked calling myself that because it seems to be a trend of sorts. I do my best to stray away from the trends of our society.

Yesterday it was too much too handle. I wasn’t. Feeling what everyone else feels can be a gift but it can also be paralyzing.

I do wonder if I should stop labeling myself as bipolar. What we think, we become and this has always been my belief. Ironically I’ve not ever put it to good use.

I don’t say that because I am in denial. It is the stigmatism attached that is negative and that in itself weighs on me. I understand that not everyone feels to the extremes in which I do but what about that makes me ill? Or disordered?

I am tackling these types of things on a daily basis as I grow in my understanding of who I am. It is a struggle to feel everything but I am realizing that I would rather this than to be medicated. It’s sad that being thrown into a hospital is the solution for those of us who have yet to set interpersonal boundaries for ourselves.

Imagine if you will… You walk into a room and you are technically “happy”. Suddenly you are hit with a sense of anger and confusion. And from there you navigate around the area and begin feeling feelings of sadness and before you know, you’ve jumped back to happy all within a 30-minute time frame. I don’t care who you are, that’s a lot. This is what I experience if I do not put up barriers.

I had gotten really good at putting up walls to not allow everything to impact me. Slowly I’ve let them down not remembering why I had initially built them. Now….. I raise them which is much easier said than done.

Although I may not understand what is going on, I am fully aware that my life is shifting. As I reread this it jumps all over the place but there is legit sense to it. I just hope I come out on the better end of things. Kinder to myself and more open to others. Right now the fog that lifts is one of pain. I don’t want to be calloused. I want to love. Starting with myself.

Love you peeps!!

Learning to Love Myself Without Shrinking

One Word

It is often said that words do not define us.  In my personal realm, they do.  I may have mentioned this a time or two.  What I mean is that I require words to give to people to describe who I am and am not.

I hold onto words.  I have a love-hate relationship with them.  I love how eloquently they roll off your tongue when telling someone you love them.   I love the punch they have when said in anger. 
I am sure we can agree that words are powerful.

Ironically, I struggle to find words that I relate too.  Ya know, fit the definition of.  This was the case when in rehab and mental facilities when the counselors would say that I had abandonment issues.  I never agreed. How could someone have abandonment issues when the abuser was there?  He did not do me a favor and leave, no, he stayed.

One day, out of the blue, it dawned on me.  It is rejection, for me, not abandonment.  Being able to communicate that has changed my world and recently a good friend of mine did it for me with yet again, one word…

Territorial

You all have read about my confession of being able to absorb the energy of others and it is the word territorial that describes why I am the way I am.

How’s that??  Allow me to dish it to ya…

All of my life I have used words such as possessive, protective, even jealous (which I am not by nature) to describe how I am with those closest to me.
Once I feel safe with someone, in my mind, they literally become mine.  Like seriously.

Their well being at that point has been assigned to me to guard.  If at any point I feel that they are in an uncomfortable situation, I swoop in and defend.  I will go to any length to bring my friend or family the level of comfort they need. 

I do not take these actions based on their command, I do so by sensing their energy.  Pretty much their energy tells on them.  At work, if anyone is rude or aggressive with any of the girls,  I immediately chime in and make it known that none of that nonsense will take place.  Not with me around anyway.

Learning to Love Myself-Revenge of Eve

Having always been this way, I never thought to put a word to it. But when I thought about it, the words I did chose were all associated as negative describers and that part of me isn’t necessarily bad or negative. This only confirms one thing, I am not crazy. I do feel on a different spectrum/level than others.

The second I heard my friend use the term territorial in the same sentence as Candace, something clicked. A light flickered and everything seemed to come full circle at that moment. Here’s the circle…

” The things I am to discover about myself are not bad. I am not bad. I was just labeled that as a child growing up. Not only did I think I was because of my dad but also because no one’s parents would let them hang out with me. In my adult life, most of my friend’s boyfriends do not like it when their girlfriend hangs out with me (the insecure ones anyway).”

Candace Lynne

Intimidating and snobby are two words people have used to describe me, more than I’d like to admit.  Two of which, if I may say so myself, are words I’d rather not be associated with. Intimidating isn’t too harsh but snobby is something I have tried my whole life not to be. My dad is a snob. Yuck! When this has been said I didn’t have a rebuttal and now, I do!! I can see it now…

“I thought you were a snob”

“Ummm excuse me??? I am territorial” 😉

(Oh, my bad. I had a moment of role play there for a sec.)


Chit Chat

 

Some people do not like using words to describe them because they feel as though it attaches a label.  I cannot argue that labels are put on people, therefore, limiting their abilities but for me, they are necessary. 

Along this road I am traveling, I discover something new about myself daily.  In an effort to change the way I view myself it is vital that I do not consider things about my character as bad or wrong.

If you have ever suffered emotional abuse a common tendency is to belittle ourselves.  This is the opinion of the abuser not necessarily the opinion we have of ourselves.  It is this conditioning that requires us to take note of the way we talk to ourself, change it, and move forward.  Implementing change takes action and although sometimes difficult, in the end, we reap the benefits.

It is difficult to change any habit and I am finding the kinder I am to myself, the easier the climb.  We each have our own level of tolerance and should never look down upon someone for the choices they make along their journey.  You either accept certain things or you don’t and you move on.  Life is too short to be wasting time in situations with unresolved issues.


By no means has it been easy to get where I am, to be able to say this.  Awkward moments staring in the mirror trying to spit out, “you deserve better than this”, took a strength I had to verbally ask for.  This may seem small to some who may ” have had it worse” but for me,  being kind to myself is the biggest thing I’ve done yet.  Even quitting alcohol after 20+ years abuse seemed easier.

Revenge of Eve

Brokenness can be mended.  Not overnight and not without tears.  I share this not to brag but simply to restore one person’s faith in themselves.  I know if I can do it, you can too.  But you have to want too… Want to remove the chaos, sit in silence, look in the mirror and hold yourself accountable for your role in all of it.  Not as a source of blame but to find a true strength that will elevate you and carry you through.

Tomorrow will present its own set of obstacles but at least now I can approach them with myself on my side.  Lightening the load is half the battle. Learning how to love yourself without shrinking wins the battle.

💕Revenge of Eve

From Conception to Toddler

I keep racking my brain on ways to honor my daughter for the month of February and I seem to fall short on ideas.

So I figured I would make a list of my memories from her conception through her toddler years.

Naming her

When naming her, we decided early on that we liked the name, Kobe. And yes, because of Kobe Bryant. I knew that she had to have a name of Irish descent and Erin fit perfectly with Kobe. This name could be used for a male or female by changing the spelling.

During my pregnancy, we went back and forth but always found our way back to Kobi Erynn, with an I instead of an e and Erynn vs Erin. I’ve always had a knack for unique spellings.

When I found out that I would be induced I looked up birthdays of famous people on that date and low and behold, she shares a birthday with the late Bob Marley. Marley Brooke became an option as far as names go but inevitably when she was born, she was Kobi Erynn.

Her name means: finest grade-origin: Japanese(Kobe) of peace-origin: Irish (Erynn)

Other interesting decisions

While I was carrying my little bambino I decided there would be no pink in her assorted collage of life. I chose purple and yellow as the colors to theme her newborn life. Not intentionally because of the Lakers or LSU but that is what came to mind once that decision was made.

When she arrived much to my surprise she didn’t even weigh 6 pounds! So all of the clothes I had packed for her didn’t fit except ONE soft, powder pink sweet pea outfit that had a kitten on it. How did that sneak past my radar??? I’ll never know but as soon as we put it on her I fell in love with pink… For her anyway.

When it came time to do some shopping, pink it was!! We had to buy at least a few nighties and outfits due to her being so small but besides that, she was set until she was two on clothes. Mint green, yellow and pale colors look beautiful with her skin tone. She has a red undertone to her brown skin that comes from the Native American on both sides of our families.

From Conception to Toddler-Revenge of Eve

Toddler years

On Kids second birthday she got a big girl bed, a twin, with a hot pink comforter, bright flowers, and pillow shams. On this day she put on a pair of big girl panties and slept in her bed. She never once wet the bed!!

*funny puzzle that took 13 years to solve: She used to call a diaper a bop-a-net, said as I spelled it. None of us could figure out where she got the name bopanet so we just went along with it.  For years we tried to figure it out until one day I just so happened to be discussing her calling it that and when I said the word, it made sense….she was trying to say diaper wet!!! A light went off and it was solved, 13 years later!

She never wore a pull-up and never wet the bed. She did not like to be wet, ever. As soon as she figured out that getting a diaper meant she got changed, it was over. We went through so many diapers, it was a relief to put her in panties.

Always wearing cowboy “boops” and panties she pranced around and if she had on clothes, she had on heels. Lol. These little plastic heels, jelly-like, with a rubber section on the bottom to prevent sliding, with butterfly wings that form to make the toe section.

She had to have every color. Clear, pink, blue and purple. Lucky for me they were only $3. She wore them for almost three years. Each time she grew in size, we had to get new heels. She could run fast and stairs were no prob, you could hear her coming a mile away….click, click, click.

Water baby

At three months old, my best friends Mom blew in Kobi’s face and dunked her underwater. I couldn’t watch. Much to my surprise, she didn’t cry. From that moment on she has loved every second of being in the water. At eighteen months old she could swim without floaties.

She would jump off the diving board with me wading in front of the board. I never let her swim to me. She had to jump to me and then swim to the side with me close behind. This was to teach her to not depend on me being there. The rule was if she wanted to jump off the board without me there, she had to do so without floaties. The floaties were thrown out the summer after her turning two.!! People would stare in awe at her little legs as she jumped off the diving board and swam her little body to the side without supervision. I was there but I wasn’t in the water for her to jump too.

People would come up to me and ask how I did it and my response was I taught her not to fear the water, by laying her on her back, and how to kick, the rest, she did. One summer she was set on learning how to swim using above water strokes. She did it. All except the butterfly stroke.

From a very young age, I have watched her set her mind to do something and achieve it. Often times learning much quicker than I had imagined possible. This trait she has carried throughout her life. If she applies herself, she can conquer whatever it is she sets her mind too.

She makes it easy to be proud.

2019 Challenge: The Remix

Hey, Rockstars!

S.Y.K.- Revenge of Eve

Last week I announced my dislike for the 52-week lists challenge. I have thought about it and have decided to continue,

But. 

I will be adding my unique style

These questions are not to achieve happiness rather bring a realness to our blogs.


For those of you who have followed R.O.E. for a while, this may seem a bit familiar. That’s because it is. Do you remember G2K?? (Get 2 Know)? Well, I decided to somewhat combine the two.

Introducing…


So You Know (S.Y.K.)

So You Know
So You Know

The Deets

  • A number of questions will be asked. At least 1, no more than 5.
  • Questions will range in subject from cherries to prostitution.
  • Participation will consist of you creating a post on your website, listing the questions and responding.
  • Pingback to any SYK post

My intentions are to ask questions that provoke thought, create a scenario, ask opinions on controversial topics (not necessarily headlines), make you laugh, teach you about yourself, and/or entertain you and your readers, as well as, give a little insight into who is behind the blog.

Any participation is greatly appreciated.

If you come up with a question, let’s chat! Send it on over and I’ll fit it in (and credit you).


S.Y.K.-Revenge of Eve
Reeeemixxx!

S.Y.K

We are going to start off with a pow!! The first edition of S.Y.K. is going to make you think and give your followers insight. Ready??? Oh, yea. We are starting today 🙂

  • What is the soul?
  • What is religion?
  • What is spirituality?
  • What purpose do humans serve in the scheme of things?

A Few things to Keep in Mind

  • There are no right or wrong answers… Your answers = Your opinion = Your life
  • Answer a few or one, whatever you are comfortable with
  • Pingback to any S.Y.K. post
  • Use the hashtag #SYK to tag your post
  • Be real.  If you feel a certain type of way, say it.  You were asked your opinion 😉 (double dog dare)

That’s all folks!! Just a friendly game of questions. I can’t wait to read your answers.

Have any questions for me?? Ask away… Let’s chat!! In the comments or privately, your choice. Have a wonderful Monday, y’all!

Peace out homies 😉