Last Day

Life & Relationships, Mental Health & Recovery

Trembling,
her toes grip
the edge of the cliff.

According to society,
as a mother,
she is unfit.

How about sick?

Burdened since birth,
life is her curse.
Punishment
and
Continuous
pain.

Not quite insane.

On the edge she hang.
Shattered pieces
held together
by a fragile frame.
Never again the
same.

Fingers pointed
and
opinions shared
yet not one solution.
She gets it.
They have no care.
Rather
they stare.

Exploit her.
Ostracize her.
Pity her.
Shame her.
Reject her.
Judge her.

and Berate her
until
she’s weak.

She kneels.
No longer can she stand.
Doubt lingers
while pointing fingers.
Control it
they say.

She pleads,
Let this be my last day.

revenge of eve-letter143

8.5.19

Mental Health & Recovery, Personal Growth & Goals

Today there was a breakthrough in your recovery. Isn’t it crazy how in one sitting, one conversation with your therapist, you were able to identify this trigger happening six days ago and your sophomore year in high school?

Unbeknownst to me yet came from me?! This is a big day for you and the future success of your healing. Don’t minimize it and don’t obsess looking for all the other times it’s shown up in your life. Just be proud of yourself for once. Although you didn’t realize the work that was being done, you were able to do it without strenuous effort or loss of sleep.

You make me proud Candace. Keep being honest and keep pushing for healing within. Things will fall into place when it is time. You don’t have to force yourself to heal. Just love yourself and you will.

Revenge of Eve

Working on Us

Mental Health & Recovery

Working on Us is a community-building effort for starting the conversation. You are given the choice of two prompts; question(s) or photo.


Rules:

  • Write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.
  • There are no right or wrong answers. Write in any format you see fit. (Answer’s, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, poem, short prose…anything).
  • You can do one or all prompts.
  • You have from July 17th. through to July 23rd to submit your entries.

  • Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.
  • If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post.
  • Let’s see if we can get some men involved in this weeks prompts, your feelings a validated here too!
  • Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!

~ 💚 ~

Week #7 (Delicate Topic) – Suicide Ideation

Prompt #1 Questions

  1. Have you ever experienced suicidal thoughts? Yes, sometimes daily
  2. Have you ever attempted suicide? Yes
  3. Were you ever hospitalized for a suicidal attempt and/or ideation? Yes, my first admission into the hospital was due to suicidal ideation
  4. When you were hospitalized, what was your experience like? I have never had a bad experience per se but I prefer maintaining stability outside of a hospital setting.
  5. Do you ever feel suicidal ideation since your release? Yes, often.


I won’t elaborate on this topic because I am in a different head space at the moment but it occurs, often and it’s unpleasant.


Back on Track

Personal Growth & Goals

Distracted

We all know how easily I can be distracted and I have been so for a month. Squirrel. Lol. But no, really. And omg how huge this day is???!!! I can honestly see that I am growing.

I won’t fool you and say the decision was mine because it wasn’t but what I can say is, I felt the sadness of it, and let it go. No obsessing, no fighting it, no harassing, no embarrassment, no shame, no regret…just acceptance. Wow!! Fuck’n WOW!!!

Wow. It’s a beautiful thing. To be able to speak on the things you feel in the moment but to also let go of those things because they are now in the past…even if it was an hour ago, it’s gone. The sadness I feel is because I have to leave the broken behind to save myself. But I will never truly let go of those whom I wish to rescue from themselves and so I’ll improve myself in hopes of them seeing the potential presence has. The peace it offers. The pain it relieves. The love it has.

The pure essence of it is at its core is an amazing concept and one I find my soul grasping onto for its own survival. A warrior I am and a slave I have been but I’ve felt the release acceptance brings and I refuse to let that go. That belongs to me – within me. Embedded in my soul. It is my soul.

It is for everyone, not only me and if you embrace it, you will see. You too are worthy. Set yourself free and just BE.


If you are reading this know that you are witnessing its power. I am changing. It is changing me. I am allowing it and fuck is it scary but so fuck’n worth it!!!

(6.23.19)

* If you are reading this, thank you, Chris. Your respect and faith in me has given me strength. *

revenge of eve-letter143

6.23.19

Life & Relationships

Thank you for doing for me what I haven’t found the strength to do for myself

I will get there though

And I’ll have you to thank for this day

I will sit with this sadness instead of wishing it away

Because you do mean something to me

What that is, I’m not so sure

I want for you to accept your situation and for you to escape it but you choose your prison and that is something I cannot change

Although feelings were forming, I never forgot who you are but that’s what is so beautiful about acceptance

It just is

Breaking free from the roles others have placed on you is scary

Believe me, I know

From warrior to Queen hasn’t come without it’s challenges

But once you taste its freedom, you can’t go back

You deserve peace from a life of pain but as bad as I want that for you, I cannot force something on you that you do not know exists

Where you live breeds evilness and its power is stronger than me

But one day, you’ll see

And when you do

I hope you know

It’s me

Bye Sweets

revenge of eve-letter143

6.9.19

Life & Relationships

Revenge of Eve

Having a curious mind

tends to take my thoughts

and press rewind.

Among those thoughts

are questions

without

answers.

Some of which

have consumed

years

of my life.

And

still

No answers.

Detaching from my thoughts

I find peace

Yet

brought back

to question

Where am I to muster the strength

to be

what my daughter

needs

me to be

when others break

her heart?

I have no

hope

to offer

for saying it won’t happen

again

would be a lie.

And the

thoughts

churn.

When will this world heal?

How can I protect my only

from broken others?

I can only

beg and plead

she not become

as calloused as

Me.

Working on Us

Mental Health & Recovery

Working on Us

There is a new series presented by Beckie of the blog Beckie’s Mental Mess. If you are not following her journey, you are missing out!! If you have ever read the comment section of any given post here on R.O.E., you will have read Beckie’s input.

As a very supportive blogger and friend dear to me, I am honored she reached out and asked me to participate in her series. These days my blogging life is hit and miss and I appreciate the personal invite. This is the first of the first as Beckie’s first prompt challenge. Her intentions are to target the mental health community of bloggers.

Here, I’ll let her do the explaining…


RULES:

Each week I will ask a question or questions pertaining to mental health or I will even go as far as posting a surprise. Your job if you so choose to join along, is to write a post on your own blog, and creating a ping-back to the original post.

It is up to you the reader to decide if you want to write a non-fictional or fictional piece, poetry, short prose… Whatever you like and/or whatever you feel most comfortable doing. Whatever you choose to do, I will, therefore, reblog what you have written. This is one way to not only promote your site but also spread awareness to all things mental health related.

As an added bonus… Since there are so many different mental health illnesses/disorders, YOU, the blogger can send me a comment as to what you would like to be the next question (s), and they will be addressed in future posts.

What is the reason behind the “Mental Health Prompt of “Working on Us” (?) It’s fairly simple actually. I’d like this series to be an all-inclusive mental health community blog in order to be a source of more support towards one another. Idea’s, suggestions, and advice can be shared amongst the group.

So, Are We Ready? I am going to start with two prompts. You can pick one or both, and again, you can choose how you want this to be written.

~*~

Prompt #1 – Question:

When you first found out that you had a mental illness/disorder, what was your first reaction? Explain, how this new revelation regarding your health affected you?

Prompt #2 – Picture:

Revenge of Eve

Reminder: This is the first time I conducting “Prompts” so forgive me if I’m doing something wrong. 🙄

Select one or the other or both prompts. Write your own non-fictional, or fictional piece, or poetry, short story, (Whatever you want), then create a ping-back or copy your post and enter it in the comment section of this post.


There ya have it, straight from the horse’s mouth!!

And now for my part 💕


Some see a season

I see a twist

Do I dare speak

on what I see?

As you sit there

and stare

I do see

what you see

And

It’s never compared

Different

And you see

I was raised to believe

that me being me

was different

And

something

I

shouldn’t

be

Mental anguish

has broken me

Hail to

today

I shall say

as I see

A side profile

that represents a space

that houses the brain

Is it a tree you see?

Do you see…

snow on the ground?

I see a broken soul

Dead

Are those crows you see?

I see repetitive thoughts

circling

or maybe

birds of prey

feeding off the carcass

of the soul

With footprints leaving their mark

Proof

a soul was

once there

My vision stripped

bare

Because of you

I dare

and

share.

A Glimpse of the Light

Personal Growth & Goals
Revenge of Eve

Beginning

I am beginning to notice the closer I inch towards peace, the pain tries to pull me back.

The teen I became screams from within. She feels deep rejection when I shove her back down. I’ve not ever tried to hide her but she is only seen if I allow. She craves the attention of a boy. But that has gotten her nowhere. I love her yet must let her lie. And with her… my attraction to rejection must die.

I am not ashamed of her. I do not blame her. I want nothing more than for her to grow but…I must let her go. She tugs from within begging to roam free. But she doesn’t realize she was constructed out of necessity. No longer is she my priority. I seek the youngest of me.

She who was first in line. First to be criticized. Ostracized. Demoralized. Characterized and cast aside. It is her the layers protect. Finding and loving her is my life’s project. Hidden beneath the ashes of self-hate, guilt, shame, confusion, rejection…she wait. An innocence and forgiveness is all she has to offer for she knew no better.

I do not want to part with who I chose to become, without them, I’d never made it this far. I wish to respect and love all of me. Just because. If only others who have no choice but to be in my life (temporarily – one year count down began in February) could just lay them to rest, I can reach my best. But…what a shame. Belittling me to elevate yourself stands for nothing-surely no gain. It doesn’t work that way. A one-sided battle is being fought. I surrendered so long ago.

I can only imagine, that at my best, I pose a threat.

A woman awaits to emerge. She’s kind and gentle yet firm in her boundaries. She finds acceptance in peace. She refuses to play guilty or the victim role. She knows that who she is is enough. Her story is full mistakes that caused pain for her to share wisdom only experience can obtain. Accept her or walk away.

A healthy version of myself is someone I have not met. The great thing about her is that I place no limits nor do I have expectations set.