Blooming at 40?? Yup! 🙂

Mental Health & Recovery, Personal Growth & Goals

Before I begin, can someone please tell me how to center the text on the mobile app with the new editor? I suppose I am just realizing how much I use my phone for blogging and not being able to center the text has nerved me to no end!! And has stopped me from posting on more than a few occasions.


Brief

Maybe you have noticed, maybe not…but things have been the quietest they have ever been around here. There isn’t any particular reason but life has decided there are more things to confront, heal, and process than I had originally speculated. Will I allow it to break me? I’d prefer to let it shape me but that doesn’t go to say it’s easy. If there are two things I have learned about all of this self-improvement shit, it’s that hard realities must be faced with honesty and patience is required throughout all of it.

Patience

When 2019 arrived I made it my mission to forgive those who I felt have wronged me in a way that continues to impact my life. I don’t hold resentments over petty things so my list of those to forgive is short. So short in fact, I had moved through half of that list in the first month by forgiving one person!! Well, technically there is no half to three…there is but I should say there is no half of a person. Lol. However you want to look at it, my list consists of three people. One of those being myself.

Unbeknownst to me, the order I had planned to do the forgiving in, least impactful to most, didn’t go as planned. This is where patience plays a vital role. I’ve realized life unfolds on its own terms and if I encounter resistance its because that isn’t the time for things to unfold. At the beginning of all of this, I found myself trying to force one thing only for another to prevail. Instead of pushing back on my plan, I let go of the reigns and decided it would go much more smoothly if I invested myself in the things that were showing up, in no particular order. I’m not a fan of surprises but let’s just say it has been interesting.

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Hard realities and honesty

Being that I have a history with substance abuse, it is a given I will be reminded of things I did that hurt others. Of course, this was never my intention but so the story goes. Alcohol became the filter remover I thought I needed to heal and accept myself but the reality is I spewed some ugly, hurtful words to those who truly matter.

Many of you can attest that I have been at a standstill in my growth/recovery for quite some time. This was the most aggravating phase but it was because I had a vision of how I imagined things to go. I didn’t realize in order for the big things to surface, I had a million little things that lead up to them.

I kept searching and yet there it was, right under my fuck’n nose. I asked and would receive but the truth is…I wasn’t listening. But believe me, I hear it all clearly now. This has been the push I needed. Forcing me to connect with myself on a deeper level (is that even possible?). I’m here to say and as a witness we can always improve but instead of beating ourselves up over it, if we allow it, it comes and goes. The weight that is lifted is much greater than the pain.

The growth that has happened here was made apparent in the way the universe presented it. There’s no way I could’ve missed it. And if you wanna know the truth, it humbled me, shattered my heart, and taught me a huge message about judgment. I am still smoldering and so, I am still a bit sensitive. I am learning to do things different and I may fail but that’s ok. I will never know success until I’ve tasted failure.

Baby steps.

I’m taking baby steps.

And while I tiptoe my way through the last few months of the year, I am going to continue seeking what I desire from within. I’ve accepted this is life and with every step forward, there is the possibility of a step backward…but I think I’ll work on my perspective, and maybe, just maybe, I will find peace just from taking the next right step.

I’ll Make An Exception

R.O.E. Need To Know

Honored

Although Revenge of Even is an award-free blog, I’ll make an exception considering I was nominated for the same award twice in the same day.!!

The Mystery Blogger Award

Suzi from My Colourful Life and Cyranny of Cyranny’s Cove both nominated me for this lovely award.

What is the Mystery Blogger Award?

“It’s an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.”

Rules

{I don’t follow rules 😉}

  1. Put the award logo/image on your blog.
  2. List the rules.
  3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  4. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
  5. Answer the 5 questions you were asked.
  6. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
  7. You have to nominate 10 – 20 people.
  8. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  9. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question.
  10. Share a link to your best post(s).

Suzi’s Questions

  1. What is the weirdest thing that has happened to you? Ever?? Probably watching myself from above myself. It was psychosis but I was literally floating above myself and looking at the top of my head and I had my legs cross crossed (up in the chair). My vision was blurry but that was some weird shit!
  2. What is your biggest accomplishment? I should probably say my sobriety but it’s my blog. No, it doesn’t generate income or is it the most organized, problem-solving, solution-based space on the web but it’s something I began and have no intentions of quitting. It isn’t that I ever intend to quit anything but it takes A LOT to keep me interested. I have also learned copious amounts of patience by being a self-taught blogger.
  3. What are you most proud of? My daughter.
  4. (Weird/funny) If you were to be arrested, what would it be for? Marijuana or fighting 😲
  5. (Shameless self-promotion) Would you like to be featured as part of my Saturday Shout Out series? Sure!!

Suzi also nominated Cyranny and she forgoe her questions therefore leaving me one set to answer 🙂

3 Things About Me

  • My right, big toe was cut off in a bicycle accident when I was three. I rode to the hospital in a firetruck and they had my toe in a ziplock bag of ice. I don’t remember the incident but I have a scar to prove it happened. *did you know our big toes are our center of balance? So if we meet and I tip over just standing there, it’s my normal 😂
  • I will not ever eat broccoli or cooked cabbage!
  • I am of the original candy kids. Candy kid is a name given to youngsters who travel to go to raves. A rave is a party where edm (electronic dance music) is played at extremely high volumes while laser lights dance all over the crowd. Drugs are plentiful but most commonly distributed is extascy (mdma). I was friends with a lot of the headliner DJ’s and the speakers were my stage. It allowed me to breathe amongst the crowd and feel the beats through my feet, to my core. “Candy” is the jewelry attendees make, wear, and exchange as a display of love, terming us Candy Kids.

And that about wraps this up folks!!

Thanks Suzi and Cyranny for thinking of me!! Feel free to participate and say I nominated you!!! Let’s see if you follow rules better than me!

Back on Track

Personal Growth & Goals

Distracted

We all know how easily I can be distracted and I have been so for a month. Squirrel. Lol. But no, really. And omg how huge this day is???!!! I can honestly see that I am growing.

I won’t fool you and say the decision was mine because it wasn’t but what I can say is, I felt the sadness of it, and let it go. No obsessing, no fighting it, no harassing, no embarrassment, no shame, no regret…just acceptance. Wow!! Fuck’n WOW!!!

Wow. It’s a beautiful thing. To be able to speak on the things you feel in the moment but to also let go of those things because they are now in the past…even if it was an hour ago, it’s gone. The sadness I feel is because I have to leave the broken behind to save myself. But I will never truly let go of those whom I wish to rescue from themselves and so I’ll improve myself in hopes of them seeing the potential presence has. The peace it offers. The pain it relieves. The love it has.

The pure essence of it is at its core is an amazing concept and one I find my soul grasping onto for its own survival. A warrior I am and a slave I have been but I’ve felt the release acceptance brings and I refuse to let that go. That belongs to me – within me. Embedded in my soul. It is my soul.

It is for everyone, not only me and if you embrace it, you will see. You too are worthy. Set yourself free and just BE.


If you are reading this know that you are witnessing its power. I am changing. It is changing me. I am allowing it and fuck is it scary but so fuck’n worth it!!!

(6.23.19)

* If you are reading this, thank you, Chris. Your respect and faith in me has given me strength. *

I Just Realized…

R.O.E. Need To Know

The Bloggers Bash Awards will be announced at 6 pm across the ocean!! Oh my! When is that here? That’s like soon maybe?!?!

Revenge of eve- blogger bash

Win or lose, I’ve already won! Simply being nominated was winning for me. So before the results are announced I would like to let y’all know I am forever grateful for your support and encouraging words. Y’all have fueled my journey.

Revenge of Eve

Finding my voice has never been a challenge. My delivery…a different story. When your internal voice is cruel, the tendency to portray what you mean can be easily misconstrued as abrasive. It may as well be but because of you, I have learned that speaking kindly to myself has the ability to change my whole perspective on life. I call that a win!!

Thank you to each of you for every comment, like, email, donation, and follow. You can go to bed at night knowing that you have singlehandedly helped someone on their personal improvement journey and I hope to not let us down.!!..

Revenge of Eve

S.Y.K.

Life & Relationships

Whaddup?!

Hey y’all! Today’s S.Y.K. is a list of questions that will have you thinking about the future.

This series was established for bloggers to share with their readers a more personal inside look at who is behind their favorite blogs.

Need help linking back to this post??

Email me and I can explain the process to you. It’s simple and you will have learned something new today!! Are you new to the scene? What better way to gain exposure than to participate in other bloggers series!!


S.Y.K-Revenge of Eve

Previous S.Y.K. posts: 1, 2, 3, 4…


I like to keep it pretty simple around here and here are a few things to keep in mind while participating:

  • There are no right or wrong answers… Your answers = Your opinion = Your life
  • Answer a few or one, whatever you are comfortable with
  • Pingback to any S.Y.K. post
  • Use the hashtag #SYK to tag your post
  • Be real. If you feel a certain type of way, say it. You were asked your opinion (double dog dare)

Extra info.

  • A number of questions will be asked. At least 1, no more than 5.
  • Questions will range in subject from cherries to prostitution.
  • Participation will consist of you creating a post on your website, listing the questions and responding.
  • Pingback to any SYK post

S.Y.K.-Revenge of Eve

*As a parent do you feel safe leaving the world in your children hands? Explain why or why not

*If you are child-free, do you feel we (humans) are heading in the right direction, as a whole?

*What do you consider the biggest difference in your generation and your parents generation? Compare the two using a positive impact and its negative effects.

*Do you feel like an old soul? Or a youngster? Why?

*What era would you chose to live in if given the chance?


My answers to last weeks questions:

  • How much of what you do for other others is conditional? When I give of myself or gift a gift, I do so without condition or expectation. However, it is nice to receive a thank you.
  • Are you driven by motive? Not when I do for others but in order for me to do anything for myself, there must be a reward.
  • Who do you think of when you offer assistance to someone in need? I mostly do for those who struggle and have children. I do for the children. While I am empathetic I am not sympathetic by far. The reason for me to do for those who struggle is strictly for the kids. I do donate to the local women’s home and will soon be able to work with local sex workers.
  • If you see someone, a stranger in distress, do you….. A. look the other way B. hang around to see if they receive help C. jump to aid them without thought D. help if you have time??? None of the above. I freeze. I physically cannot react/respond. I have been this way as long as I can remember. It is almost as though my system shuts down but the thought of the exchange of bodily fluid (my ocd trigger) has much to do with this. My ears usually ring when something bad happens so I stand in place with my eyes shut and my ears plugged. I wish the opposite were true.
  • Do you feel integrity is a moral or something created by society that guilts us to follow societal standards? I truly believe integrity is something that belongs to our soul and is the way to stay true to ourselves. With that said it is one of few standards not set by society. I am an open book and have no regret (except one) from my 40-years of existence and that is because what I’ve done behind closed doors, I would do regardless of who is watching.
Revenge of Eve
Revenge of Eve

Take Five

R.O.E. Need To Know

Taking Care of Me!

I have decided to take care of me. It is something new to me and I will start by taking a well-needed break from blogging.


Revenge of Eve

I need to rejuvenate my mind, body, and soul. By default, I am a workaholic and my needs are often put on the back burner. I have come to learn the importance of self-care also being taught crisis doesn’t have to be the reason for me to do so….

Revenge of Eve

I always say that it is from our pain we learn lessons and for the first time in my life, I am going to stop before it reaches the point of pain. It has nothing directly to do with blogging. It is all me and the way I push and push until I break. I am tired of breaking. So…

It is. I will be available for contact but as far as producing content worthy of reading, I will be out of commission.


Revenge of Eve
Revenge of Eve

S.Y.K

Personal Growth & Goals
revenge of eve

Think – Reblog – Share – Answer

This week on So You Know I am going to ask you to really think about your answers to the following questions. I also would like to say that I understand if you do not care to answer them publicly but I do ask you to reblog this post. Why? Because I think the questions I am going to ask need to be asked of others to encourage them to think about the way they (we) as individuals operate.

I only ask you to participate if you can be 100% honest. I feel that many, if they are being honest, will not want to share their answers.

Previous S.Y.K. posts: 1, 2, 3, 4…


I like to keep it pretty simple around here and here are a few things to keep in mind while participating:

  • There are no right or wrong answers… Your answers = Your opinion = Your life
  • Answer a few or one, whatever you are comfortable with
  • Pingback to any S.Y.K. post
  • Use the hashtag #SYK to tag your post
  • Be real. If you feel a certain type of way, say it. You were asked your opinion (double dog dare)

Extra info.

  • A number of questions will be asked. At least 1, no more than 5.
  • Questions will range in subject from cherries to prostitution.
  • Participation will consist of you creating a post on your website, listing the questions and responding.
  • Pingback to any SYK post
So You Know
So You Know

  • How much of what you do for other others is conditional?
  • Are you driven by motive?
  • Who do you think of when you offer assistance to someone in need?
  • If you see someone, a stranger in distress, do you….. A. look the other way B. hang around to see if they receive help C. jump to aid them without thought D. help if you have time???
  • Do you feel integrity is a moral or something created by society that guilts us to follow societal standards?

Last weeks S.Y.K. was a combination of gross and funny and I was surprised at the honesty of two of my fave’s… Ashley and Beckie. Thank you for participating each Monday and for being transparent with your followers.

letter143-Revenge of Eve

3.9.19

Mental Health & Recovery

Candace Lynne

It isn’t necessary for you to always be doing, nor is it healthy. If you do, at some point, nothing becomes.

You are trying to force something into existence that isn’t ready…and neither are you.

What is necessary is the rest

What goes up must come down and your insistent resistance proves you need a break more than anything. Take the damn break. Step away from your phone, laptop, and all forms of technology to reboot.

Nourish your mind, body, and soul before it is too late. Crisis isn’t a necessary state, remember.

Just be.

Be you separate from the outside factors. Start today. Whatever you think needs to be done can wait. Change your thought process and evaluate where you stand. What is being accomplished from this feverishly, constant state of go? You will find. ..nothing.

Even God takes a break – famous words of advice from Beckie


A list of ideas:

Read a book

Give yourself a manicure/pedicure

Take a nap

Watch a movie

Play in the rain

Hang out with a friend

Just be

Binge watch Netflix

Listen to podcast


Use this time of rest to connect with yourself

You are a work in progress and that process cannot be rushed.

I love you, Candace Lynne