On my two year blogging anniversary I question, “Can I recover?”.
But I will not ruminate on such thought because I am a warrior. I have no choice but to fight for myself. No one else will.
This too shall pass.
And when it does, I have learned and earned my growth.
That day is worth working towards.
I am finding this time of my life extremely difficult. Each time I feel as though I advance on a spiritual level, something material or childish, immature behavior on behalf of others, pulls me down. I want to run away. Sell my car and live on the streets. This race to maintain and all the glory given to the almighty dollar has my life in shambles. Do you know how it feels to say “I am unhappy. I want to quit my job” and to have your mother remind you that you have bills?? Because she “wants to mentor me”. Are you fucking kidding me? Mentor a 40-year-old?!! For crying out loud, it’s a little fuck’n late don’tcha think???
And life with a teen is pure bliss. If I see her. She’s in and out. When she’s in, she’s laid up in her room without a care in the world. The world spins for her and what else is there to do? Or that’s what I assume she thinks because hell, I have no clue what she thinks. Every time I think I do, I get it wrong.
Do you ever feel like there is always someone standing over your shoulder criticizing every step you take? That’s what life feels like for me and it fuck’n sucks!!! Because if we gonna do that, I got a list for them too…but I do not want to feed into that energy but…Did I mention it fuck’n sucks? No one wants to evaluate themselves. They’d rather point out everything you do “wrong”. I’m over it!!
I’d like to touch on gossiping and I mean barely skim over the subject: GROW SOME BALLS AND COMMUNICATE!!! And to the two-faced people out there…grow the fuck up. You think you are slick?? You are a waste of time. Stop trying to snake your way into friendships because who you truly are will soon surface.
I’m going to take a nap and try again. Let’s hope I feel better when I wake up because right now….
Thank you for doing for me what I haven’t found the strength to do for myself
I will get there though
And I’ll have you to thank for this day
I will sit with this sadness instead of wishing it away
Because you do mean something to me
What that is, I’m not so sure
I want for you to accept your situation and for you to escape it but you choose your prison and that is something I cannot change
Although feelings were forming, I never forgot who you are but that’s what is so beautiful about acceptance
It just is
Breaking free from the roles others have placed on you is scary
Believe me, I know
From warrior to Queen hasn’t come without it’s challenges
But once you taste its freedom, you can’t go back
You deserve peace from a life of pain but as bad as I want that for you, I cannot force something on you that you do not know exists
Where you live breeds evilness and its power is stronger than me
But one day, you’ll see
And when you do
I hope you know
Having a curious mind
tends to take my thoughts
and press rewind.
Among those thoughts
Some of which
of my life.
Detaching from my thoughts
I find peace
Where am I to muster the strength
what my daughter
me to be
when others break
I have no
for saying it won’t happen
would be a lie.
When will this world heal?
How can I protect my only
from broken others?
I can only
beg and plead
she not become
as calloused as
Acceptance is just that.
The present moment offers dreams.
Answers to questions to unsolved curiosities are found.
The presence of love can be found.
An alternate perception is had.
A flower’s scent is sensed.
An airplane heard.
A baby soothed.
Growth from within felt.
Positive energy flows.
Consciousness you’ll know.
Awareness is experienced on a whole new level.
A wholeness is felt.
A oneness seems possible.
Hope is restored.
On this full moon’s night my mind, of course, takes flight. Resembling a warrior fighting their toughest of fights, I stay present with all my might. Moments of times past try to haunt my efforts of remaining present and so I fight. I smell the scent of the flowers, I feel the breeze from the storm that is rolling in. The goosebumps take over my skin with each lightning strike. Tonight these moments give me hope. A hope that wavers with each passing second. A hope that holds tight and reminds me what it is I love about full moons night.
To my only child:
We share the same moon and when you look at it know that I look at it too. No matter the distance that is in between, together forever we will be. Despite the wedge those drive between our bond, the universe knows where each of us belongs. My heart sings only one song. It is that of a mom who wants only the best yet who stands buried by life’s test. I know in my heart the moon cleanses the rest. My sincerest love is all I have to give, this I confess. Momma loves you although times are stressed and I hope you realize such with the energy of tonight’s full moon that my love for you never rests. – Momma loves you Luce ❤
It’s coming soon
It’d be easier if I let it
But you see
That’s the problem.
I have some control
And give me any,
I take it all
holding shit up.
Why can’t I just let things
And go naturally.