Relationship Curious-Revenge of Eve

Relationship Curious

Mental Health & Recovery, Personal Growth & Goals

Hardly Ever

It isn’t very often that I have something positive to say about the generation that surrounds my daughter and my only true complaint with them is their lack of work ethic. And to be honest, it isn’t every day that anyone of any age impresses me but today, a nineteen year impressed me.

She’s actually impressed me quite a bit over the last three months but I’d hate for her head to get big and so I stay silent. She also just found out my web address so I won’t go into too much detail 😂 here either. But I had to tell her tonight because what she did, I wish I had the courage to have done most of my life.

Choose you-Revenge of Eve

She chose herself. She saw a toxic person for exactly who he is. This is not to say that he is a bad person. He is, however, detrimental for her growth. This also isn’t to say she won’t give him another chance tomorrow and I would never judge her if she did because I am no judge…but…before I go any further…

A brief snapshot of the situation:

  • Young single mother meets an older guy (10-11 years older) who invites her and her 18-month old son to move in bills free {red flag number one} a month into dating.
  • He talks at her, not to her and his opinions are made known.
  • He shows no affection.
  • Dinner is expected.
  • He encourages her son to disobey her.
  • He claimed to be in recovery yet from a photo, I said otherwise.
  • Last night, it became apparent that he must’ve started using again. {She is familiar with addict behavior because her mother is in active recovery and her dad is an active user of the same drug he claimed to not be on}.

Today, we moved her and her son’s belongings out. At that age or perhaps even my current age, I would make excuses for his behavior or secretly consider it a rescue challenge. I would disregard my intuition and stay because I feel that is the type of treatment I deserve. It’s the same toxic pattern that I have repeated in every single relationship I have had – which isn’t many but nonetheless, toxic. From there a stronger attachment is formed (feeding my ego it’s favorite meal…power) because they need me and I must prove so by providing shelter and other luxury accommodations. The given moment my temper flares, I flex my muscles (not literally y’all), tell them to get out and continue to beat a dead horse until it’s decomposed. Fun, right?

If you are lost, I’ll spell it out: I peep his game because I am the club president.

“I’m not only a client, I’m tha play’a President”

Biggie Smalls

I used to think it was them but as I’ve grown, I’ve began to notice my participation in the dance of deceit. And believe me when I say the men in my life that have got the best of me, they were my karma – I strongly believe that and that would attribute to my staying at times. But the joke was on me because, once again with that thought, proves I believed I held the power.

I must also acknowledge myself for being able to confront the patterns and behaviors that aren’t the most glamourous. Now I must move on to the action part.

Awareness, first. Action, second.

Now that I have identified this despicable pattern of weaved yarn, I must take action to not repeat it anymore. 34 years is plenty. That would require leaving the house. Better yet, my studio and I’m not sure what I’d do next with a guy – like how to have a conversation, how to believe them, how to accept their flaws…ugh…definitely not relationship ready but what if I am approaching relationship curious ??

letter143-Revenge of Eve

6.28.19

Mental Health & Recovery

*language warning*

I am finding this time of my life extremely difficult. Each time I feel as though I advance on a spiritual level, something material or childish, immature behavior on behalf of others, pulls me down. I want to run away. Sell my car and live on the streets. This race to maintain and all the glory given to the almighty dollar has my life in shambles. Do you know how it feels to say “I am unhappy. I want to quit my job” and to have your mother remind you that you have bills?? Because she “wants to mentor me”. Are you fucking kidding me? Mentor a 40-year-old?!! For crying out loud, it’s a little fuck’n late don’tcha think???

And life with a teen is pure bliss. If I see her. She’s in and out. When she’s in, she’s laid up in her room without a care in the world. The world spins for her and what else is there to do? Or that’s what I assume she thinks because hell, I have no clue what she thinks. Every time I think I do, I get it wrong.

Do you ever feel like there is always someone standing over your shoulder criticizing every step you take? That’s what life feels like for me and it fuck’n sucks!!! Because if we gonna do that, I got a list for them too…but I do not want to feed into that energy but…Did I mention it fuck’n sucks? No one wants to evaluate themselves. They’d rather point out everything you do “wrong”. I’m over it!!

I’d like to touch on gossiping and I mean barely skim over the subject: GROW SOME BALLS AND COMMUNICATE!!! And to the two-faced people out there…grow the fuck up. You think you are slick?? You are a waste of time. Stop trying to snake your way into friendships because who you truly are will soon surface.

I’m going to take a nap and try again. Let’s hope I feel better when I wake up because right now….

Revenge of Eve

S.Y.K.

Life & Relationships

So You Know

S.Y.K.

Whaddup, y’all?


Not too much here. Crazy Pieces moon has my house an emotional rollercoaster!! But it’s a good ride because I am shedding my skin. I am growing and I’ll take that anyway I can get it. Kid too!!

I’ve spent the day doing as any empowered woman does by bleaching the shit out of my space. Sheets, comforter, bathroom…ya know, wiping away any reminiscence of those emotions, yeah, those. Then Kid and I sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful sunny skies with a breeze and minimal humidity – I am so grateful for those commodities in life. We forget that it is those details we take for granted.


Mine and Kid's feet propped up on our back porch wall-Revenge of Eve
Back porch life

*Us girls stick together through mess*


And on to the reason you stopped by!

This week’s questions will be a round of lighthearted questions because who really wants to think? Not this chick (Y’all should hear my chicken cawl – no really)!!

Never participated in S.Y.K? Alright then…here are the loose guidelines:

  1. Publish a post on your website/blog answering today’s questions OR drop your answers in the comment section below.
  2. Create a pingback to this weeks edition. Don’t know how? Hit me up through my Chat menu. I’ll tell ya how. It’s easy.
  3. Be honest.
Mirror reflection of myself-graphic design-Revenge of Eve

Simple, Easy, Fun, Supportive!

This week’s questions

  • Do you like creamer with your tea or coffee?
  • What year were you born?
  • What things would you never pair together (clothes, objects, colors..)?
  • Does color represent certain beliefs/ideas for you?
  • If someone is getting on your nerves, how do you handle it?


My answers to last week’s questions

Answering these are me being vulnerable. And I’m sure I will be vague. Js.

He said he respected me and didn't want to insult my intelligence.  Wow! Do you know how honest that is?  And how bad it hurt for the me that is dying.-R.O.E.

The me that is dying is the teen who accepted less because she thought that’s what she deserved. Rejection. My kryptonite. Except this time a broken one, like myself, valued me enough to compliment me so I can see my worth and send me on my way. That shit doesn’t happen everyday but I accepted it for what it’s worth. My value. My growth and my evolution.



  1. Have you ever had a relationship with someone that you could not touch (Due to circumstance or distance)? Sort of. I was well on my way.
  2. If so, how did y’all meet? Our stories have been intertwined since childhood and then connected in a not-so-good loop of tragedy in our early twenties.
  3. Do you believe a relationship can survive without physical touch? I couldn’t.
  4. What types of relationships have surprised you (Close friend, brothers childhood friend, web friends)? My only best friend still by my side and most likely because he is man. My freshman year in high school two seniors with cowboy hats walk up to the truck I was in with two thugs and asked if I needed a ride home by some real men. Lmao. Naturally I stayed sat where I was. Soon after I arrived at home to the two of them sitting on the tailgate of a truck drinking beer in my driveway. I ended up dating one of them for a short period of time and the other….well, he’s been next to me ever since (pictured below).
  5. If you have ever had an experience that was not typical of traditional dating methods, what made it different and how long did it last? What I was recently involved in was far from typical and it lasted a month-ish. The rest of the details I’ll leave up to your imagination. 🙂
Me and my best friend, Snotty-Revenge of Eve
Candace & Snotty (Matt)
revenge of eve-letter143

6.23.19

Life & Relationships

Thank you for doing for me what I haven’t found the strength to do for myself

I will get there though

And I’ll have you to thank for this day

I will sit with this sadness instead of wishing it away

Because you do mean something to me

What that is, I’m not so sure

I want for you to accept your situation and for you to escape it but you choose your prison and that is something I cannot change

Although feelings were forming, I never forgot who you are but that’s what is so beautiful about acceptance

It just is

Breaking free from the roles others have placed on you is scary

Believe me, I know

From warrior to Queen hasn’t come without it’s challenges

But once you taste its freedom, you can’t go back

You deserve peace from a life of pain but as bad as I want that for you, I cannot force something on you that you do not know exists

Where you live breeds evilness and its power is stronger than me

But one day, you’ll see

And when you do

I hope you know

It’s me

Bye Sweets

How does blogging help mental health?

Mental Health & Recovery

Because of the life-changing ways, blogging has contributed to my life, I would love to hear how it has had an impact on yours. Check out Ashley’s post and submit your experience with her.

Mental Health @ Home

the word blog repeated around a globe

I’m working on an article about the mental health benefits of blogging.  While that may seem obvious to us, how often do you hear mental health professionals suggesting it as a therapeutic tool?

I’d like to get a sense from my fellow bloggers how blogging contributes to your own mental health.  You can let me know in the comments below, or if you’d prefer to be anonymous, you can respond via Google Form: https://forms.gle/fUp83wDh9BtJGGmYA

Thanks for your help!

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A Glimpse of the Light

Personal Growth & Goals
Revenge of Eve

Beginning

I am beginning to notice the closer I inch towards peace, the pain tries to pull me back.

The teen I became screams from within. She feels deep rejection when I shove her back down. I’ve not ever tried to hide her but she is only seen if I allow. She craves the attention of a boy. But that has gotten her nowhere. I love her yet must let her lie. And with her… my attraction to rejection must die.

I am not ashamed of her. I do not blame her. I want nothing more than for her to grow but…I must let her go. She tugs from within begging to roam free. But she doesn’t realize she was constructed out of necessity. No longer is she my priority. I seek the youngest of me.

She who was first in line. First to be criticized. Ostracized. Demoralized. Characterized and cast aside. It is her the layers protect. Finding and loving her is my life’s project. Hidden beneath the ashes of self-hate, guilt, shame, confusion, rejection…she wait. An innocence and forgiveness is all she has to offer for she knew no better.

I do not want to part with who I chose to become, without them, I’d never made it this far. I wish to respect and love all of me. Just because. If only others who have no choice but to be in my life (temporarily – one year count down began in February) could just lay them to rest, I can reach my best. But…what a shame. Belittling me to elevate yourself stands for nothing-surely no gain. It doesn’t work that way. A one-sided battle is being fought. I surrendered so long ago.

I can only imagine, that at my best, I pose a threat.

A woman awaits to emerge. She’s kind and gentle yet firm in her boundaries. She finds acceptance in peace. She refuses to play guilty or the victim role. She knows that who she is is enough. Her story is full mistakes that caused pain for her to share wisdom only experience can obtain. Accept her or walk away.

A healthy version of myself is someone I have not met. The great thing about her is that I place no limits nor do I have expectations set.

R.O.E. 411

R.O.E. Need To Know

Last month I thought my WordPress plan was set to renew but that is only done when you have a card on file. My plan wasn’t due to expire until the 30th of May and while I had the money to renew last month, I decided not too for a few reasons.

Revenge of Eve
  • I am unsure of which plan will best suit my needs for the next twelve months
  • I have not decided on my set plan of attack for selling my memory keeping journals and journaling packets
  • I haven’t weighed my options about the benefits of having a paid for plan verses a free site considering I do not have a plan mapped out for selling things online
  • I have missed too much work to invest in something without seeing a return immediately
  • My only fret is that my design layout will be affected and I am not so certain I will invest the time to get it how I want it due to when I do decide having to invest the time on the new site
  • I have stepped back from blogging and reading blogs daily to avoid burnout
  • My personal life needs attention
  • The domain remains mine because it was purchased separately and at a later date from the plan so I do not fear the loss of it
  • I want to be more intentional with all I do from here on out
  • Direction, routine, and scheduling are things high on my short list of priorities and sticking to them is my biggest priority
  • A free site is suitable for the time being and forces me to establish an action plan in regards to my desires to work from home
  • I am unsure if I want to air my personal life in the same space I want to develop a professional relationship with customers
  • I may use a free site for personal and launch a professional site using a paid for site…the problem there lies not being able to transfer my following to my business site but having my followers on my free site allows them the choice to follow if my business is targeted at their individual interests
  • I’ve attempted operating two sites before and one suffered and the other never quite took off but in comparison to beginning my first site, it did well
  • I do not want to abandon my R.O.E. as my web persona but I also want to be respected professionaly
  • I have no clue what direction I want to go in professionally speaking
  • I am working on a few projects so my time is limited

Did I say a few reasons? Lol… It’s more than a few and I need more time to sort things out. The purpose of this post was to a. receive feedback and suggestions from my loyal followers b. to have my thoughts/questions/concerns listed out for reference c. to inform y’all that the overall design of R.O.E. is soon to change due to the fact that final decisions have not been made. Free themes are limited to chose from and if I am honest, I’m not pressuring myself to invest the time it takes to design a website without knowing my next move. If you have any insight into the operations of the WordPress business plan, Etsy, or Shopify please let me know your experience in the comments. Or do you use a self-hosted platform? If so, how much behind the scenes work is required? It is difficult and much more time consuming? Any feedback is great feedback!!

Revenge of Eve

5.18.19

Personal Growth & Goals
Revenge of Eve

Presence Presents

Acceptance is just that.

Accept.

Repeat.

The present moment offers dreams.

Answers to questions to unsolved curiosities are found.

The presence of love can be found.

An alternate perception is had.

A flower’s scent is sensed.

An airplane heard.

A baby soothed.

Growth from within felt.

Positive energy flows.

Consciousness you’ll know.

Awareness is experienced on a whole new level.

A wholeness is felt.

A oneness seems possible.

Hope is restored.


On this full moon’s night my mind, of course, takes flight. Resembling a warrior fighting their toughest of fights, I stay present with all my might. Moments of times past try to haunt my efforts of remaining present and so I fight. I smell the scent of the flowers, I feel the breeze from the storm that is rolling in. The goosebumps take over my skin with each lightning strike. Tonight these moments give me hope. A hope that wavers with each passing second. A hope that holds tight and reminds me what it is I love about full moons night.

Revenge of Eve

To my only child:

We share the same moon and when you look at it know that I look at it too. No matter the distance that is in between, together forever we will be. Despite the wedge those drive between our bond, the universe knows where each of us belongs. My heart sings only one song. It is that of a mom who wants only the best yet who stands buried by life’s test. I know in my heart the moon cleanses the rest. My sincerest love is all I have to give, this I confess. Momma loves you although times are stressed and I hope you realize such with the energy of tonight’s full moon that my love for you never rests. – Momma loves you Luce ❤

A Little Diddy for Mom’s

Life & Relationships

Revenge of Eve

Hold and cuddle them while you can.

Before you know it, it is you they cannot stand.

Wipe their noses and butts,

Help them out of ruts,

Watch as they drive you nuts!

Eyes that once glowed with pride

Go on to swollen and full of tears.

Before you know it, you question

“What happened to all those years?”

You do your best not to pass on your fears.

You give them room to grow.

But we aren’t taught how to cope when our daughter becomes a ho

Or our son an abusive asshole

Or a drug addict,

Or Gay

But, HEY! At least you get ONE day!

So to all the mothers out there…

Don’t think you are alone in a world of perfect moms because none of us have it figured out. All you can do is be the best version of yourself and if anyone wants to judge you for that, fuck them, wink back.

Revenge of Eve

I Chose Life

Mental Health & Recovery

Today I was on the verge.

The verge of suicide.

I wrote my note.

I looked for the gun –

It wasn’t there.

Luck?

I’ll never know.

It was the calmest I’ve been in a while and even I commented such, out loud.

My guardians, I called upon.

One by name.

A decision was made

No bother to reach out.

Attention is all that would stand to gain.

I sent my I Love You’s to the four that matter.

None of this fuck’n matters

Replays over and over in my head.

The realization that I’ve played a role, one assigned to me, is a harsh reality.

Why wouldn’t they give me a glamorous one?

There is no time for blame.

Ironically, those who ask

What’s wrong

are the ones that aren’t ready to see their part in your shame.

Expectations to be a no-body carries a weight.

One that I must shake,

For my life is at stake.