I am not asking that you be a professional in the business planning arena. If you have a basic understanding of how it works and you would like to volunteer a little guidance or trade services, please contact me.
This will not require a lot of your time. If you can offer an example of what a business plan for homemakers looks like, that would be all I need. I need direction, blank spaces to fill, and good juju.
Remember you can do this from the comfort of your own home. Share if you’d like or keep it to yourself. The ultimate goal is to work towards a place of what makes you happy.
List what makes you happy right now.
“Take Action: How often do you actually get to experience these things? Just like learning to read, gaining the wisdom and experience of happiness takes practice. Let’s start now! Take one item on your list and see how you can turn it into a daily practice of happiness.”
52 Lists for Happiness
First and foremost credit the author of the book: Moorea Seal because legally, you have to and morally because you don’t wanna be a shitty person. Her work is copyright
Link to the beautiful post I publish each week 😉 Don’t know how? Ask and I will explain. Invite your friends. Let’s have happy feeds in 2019. Can you imagine the mental health community…happy? It would be a beautiful thing. Why? because we fuck’n deserve it.
Use the hashtag #52HappyLists and #achallengeforhappiness, please
And last but not least…. enjoy this challenge. Integrate it into your life. Allow it to make small changes in your day, welcome it. We are worth it ya’ll and that is what I have come to know in my heart. Every one of us is worthy, including me.
Stay tuned for next Monday as I will post week 2 and review my list from week 1. Thanks y’all. Don’t forget to share with me 🙂 Here in the comments or via email.
Bundle up!! It’s ’bout to get cold!! Love from Louisiana
The only thing I can honestly say about relationships is that I have had my fair share of toxic, broken, manipulative ones. Looking at my situation from my point of view I am impressed that I survived. I am also impressed by mygrowth.
I put emphasis on growth because when it comes down to it, I am only attracted to the bad boys with a record and prison tatts. My interpersonal relationships have blossomed and produced fruits of love, laughter, and compassion…compromise. Yadayada.
But, is being single actual growth? Especially when I am not one to have intimate relationships in the first place and the ones I do have extend for years and years and years (they seem to drag out). My relationship record can be described using one word; painful. I do not have the best track record. Jealousy, greed, alcohol, lust….all the bad stuff, have ruled my idea of love.
The true progress can be seen in my interpersonal relationships with close friends and family. The most recent example of this would be the separation from my lifelong best friend. It was for me. Throughout the 30+ years of our relationship, I was the giver never to receive. Her selfishness became extreme and her sickness has grown. What sickness? Her mental state is deteriorating and she refuses to seek professional advice. It feels like abandonment but for the first time in my life I committed to sticking to my boundaries and did so.
What I find difficult is trusting myself with getting into a relationship. I don’t think I am ready but do we ever know when we are? I am perfectly content being alone single. The only thing that is lacking is the obvious, sex. The abundance of sexually transmitted diseases makes it challenging to sleep with random guys. I was lucky and had a “friend” but he moved away and now there is one I have been talking to for a year, off and on, that I finally met up with. I know he is no good for me. I’ll say that.
At this moment I find myself more interested in giving dating chance but how does someone who has never “dated” date? Times are different from when I was growing up. I do not get out of the house enough to randomly meet someone and I don’t dare enter the shark infested waters of online dating. I am limited in my options. Honestly, when I think of having to care how someone else feels, I am turned off by the idea. It is exhausting to maintain a relationship (see paragraph one). If given a semi-decent man I am afraid I would ruin him with my lack of trust in the man species as a whole.
I don’t have faith there are good ones out there. I’ll be truthful and say even if there are, I wouldn’t be attracted to them (see paragraph two). Compromise seems like a great suggestion but for what? Compromise sex for the title? I couldn’t. Maybe if they were a reformed bad boy… At 40 years old I’m not too sure I have hope in the arena of intimate relationships.
I have always gravitated towards younger guys. But I don’t want to be older than my “other half”, anymore. I am ok with my age but I do not want to constantly be reminded of it. Realistically I am not yet whole and just began my journey towards self-love and it is possible I was the problem all along. I take credit for my role in the toxicity of my failed relationships but is that all it takes to move on? Acknowledging your role? I have a long road that awaits and the idea of a partner to join me both sounds tempting and repulsive.
Throughout my life, I have been more productive in being alone. Being in a relationship has been more of a distraction than anything. When I am in one I tend to lose myself, albeit I’ve not found who that self is. Perhaps the pressure I feel from deciding to discover who I am has subliminally planted the desire for a relationship and I am not falling for it!! I refuse to enter into a partnership with the mindset I’ve always had. It consumes me in an unhealthy way that leads to paranoia, jealousy, and often rage. It’s time I put all that effort into myself and not experience those dramatic emotions once and for all.
That fact I am now able to recognize all of this is where progress can be seen. I am pleased with that. It is enough. I am enough.
It is now the new year. So much pressure is put on the new year and I realized this as I scrolled through reading the posts of other bloggers. I am not putting that pressure on myself. I am aware that life happens and that I am not in control but I will do what I am capable of doing to pass on positivity and learn about myself in the process.
I have set my goals for January. The target goal assigned to this month is: Be More Present (most significantly as a mom)
Keeping it simple they are:
Do not take my phone to the field (soccer).
One hour each time Kid is with me is to be spent with no technology
My secondary goals are:
Exercise 30 minutes a day. Not strenuous or exhaustive. Stretching is good.
Use the focus mode setting on my laptop.
Listen to a podcast about mindfulness. Do not do anything while listening.
Write a gratitude list every morning.
I did not list exercise as a goal to lose weight. I am at a good weight but I would like to tone the loose, hanging skin (as tears drop my eyes). I am no spring chicken and at 40 I need to keep momentum for health purposes. I am not one who is committed to eating healthy or exercising. I was gifted with decent enough genes that I haven’t worried about it. This isn’t to say that I’ve never been overweight because in my alcoholism I weighed a hearty 200 pounds. When I quit drinking I was able to shed 60 pounds pretty quickly. Shew but with that came flabby skin that I am self-conscious about. Well, I start today and will begin with stretching.
Podcast & Gratitude
Ok. I have been waiting with bated breath to share with y’all my absolute favorite podcast so far. I am new to the scene of podcasts so it is possible you have discovered this one but if you haven’t, you must! If you are on any type of spiritual journey or identity journey, I highly recommend Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations. Hands down a goosebump, ah-ha type of podcast.
I listen to it on Spotify but I am sure it is on iTunes as well. I pay monthly for my account so I am not sure if the free version offers podcasts. Each morning I have it programmed to play on my Google Home after the weather. It has been an inspiring way to begin my day.
A common denominator that the guests share about being fulfilled in life is through gratitude, love, and compassion. I will be intent on focusing on each of these individually with my target goals but also as a combined practice. Listing three things that I am grateful for in my planner helps keep me mindful throughout the day about the small things in life. I know I need it. Not because I am ungrateful but because I tend to forget about how good I have it.
When I first began Revenge of Eve my tagline was Painfully Privileged. I changed it so that I didn’t come off snobby but that is my truth. I have been fortunate throughout my life, not without pain, and I used that as a snarky tagline but ultimately removed it. My mother has provided shelter for my daughter and I over the course of my adult life. When I was actively drinking I would do good, move out, maintain, and then fall back. She has always been there to catch me and I realize not everyone has this luxury. Some may call it enabling but my Ma is not going to let her granddaughter suffer because of her mom’s choices.
Most of you are aware that I struggle with focusing. Thanksgiving night I braved the crowd and went to Best Buy with the intentions of getting a phone and walked out with an HP 2n1 Pavillion laptop. Under the setting is a mode called focus. As I have mentioned I haven’t used it yet but January will be the month. I will set the mode for one of my time blocks; 45 minutes. I will report the details in a later post. Fingers crossed it works.
The most significant change I am considering is leaving my job at the casino. It is extremely taxing physically and in order for our shift to operate smoothly all hand must be on deck. We have run into an entitled group of young servers who do not pull their weight making the load for us senior servers too heavy to bear. At my age and with my anger, I am tired, overworked and unhappy.
I am thinking about job hunting at a local bar where it is me I rely on. Being behind a bar is my safe area. It’s me that sets up, serves my guests, cleans and makes my money. So you guessed it. If I am going to be frustrated with anyone it will be myself. I have a loyalty to my managers at the casino and that has been what has kept me there the past week. I have left my shift in complete disarray as of late. The holiday season is grueling on my body and adding the extra weight of immature, lazy 19-23-year-olds, pisses me off. It isn’t necessary. I am prepared to make these difficult decisions this year. It is myself who has to live with what I choose and I trust me now. And that feels good.
I voiced my thoughts to my manager and she asked I hang on a little while longer until she can get new staff on board. I will wait as patiently as possible for the next two weeks.
As part of my morning routine, I write the thoughts that come to mind. I wrote the above, difficult decisions, before going into work. When I arrived at work my co-worker Dawn said she had something for me. Surprised and not knowing what for my immediate response was why. She knew I had a bad day the day before and she thought a gift bag full of stickers would brighten my day, along with two pair off socks and a cute triangular hanging flag! She was right! It literally made my heart pound that she would do something as sweet as this for me. Her story and mine are strangely familiar and that is what we have built our friendship upon. This gesture added such a kind sense of compassion to our friendship. It is these type of acts of kindness that restore my faith in humanity, a smidget. 😉
An inventory of where I stand mentally, financially, and spiritually going into 2k19
I decided to take inventory of where I stand mentally, financially, and spiritually, giving me something to measure. I suppose I could add emotionally to the mix as well because it plays a vital role in our lives.
My current situation does not reflect any growth from 2018. In fact, it seems that I have gone backward. Originally I was on a 5-year plan. I accomplished all of my goals for four years even though I wasted a year and a half because I was still drinking. 2018 was the 5th year on this plan.
My goal was to be moved out of my mothers home and into a place of my own. While I didn’t necessarily fail at this, it will not be happening. My mother’s health is not in tip-top shape. She has COPD, a hernia, and three ulcers that prevent her from eating certain foods and lifting heavy objects. She doesn’t have health insurance because she makes too much to get government-funded insurance yet not enough to be able to afford health care. She will qualify for Medicaid in two years.
She has been forced to the doctors because of pain and an inability to work but that only made her temporarily well. My fear is that as soon as I move out she will need me to move back in. I help with some of the finances around the house which takes a little off her plate but not nearly enough. She and I decided that it would be best if I stay. I feel that I have failed somewhat because I should be contributing more. It is my plan to give her at least $100 more a month in 2019.
Yes, that is a picture of my actual bank account. Don’t feel sorry for me, it is after Christmas. By the looks of this, I am starting my year off at ground zero which isn’t bad in some instances. I mean, where can I go from here? Only up, right? I keep the majority of my money in little cash envelopes in a drawer in my room but that’s not where my money is. I am broke starting the year off.
From a financial standpoint, I have always made money on a daily basis and have lived to pay my bills this way. In 2018 I accumulated my first ever savings and it totaled a whopping $3,000.00. That is a lot of money for someone who makes $2.15 an hour. It’s crazy the amount of work I do for that hourly rate and the disrespect I put up with for that matter. I do make tips but using yesterday as an example, I had two tables that didn’t tip me and guess what? I pay taxes on my sales reported on my checkout at the end of the shift. Basically, when you do not tip your server, they pay, double. No complaints, I’ve done this for 20+ years. Moving on…
This year is one of being honest with myself and it starts here. I have been being pulled toward being able to define my God. My God. Not the one who has a beard and sports long, wavy hair. The picture of my God is golden and that is as far as I’ve gotten. I also cringe when I hear or see the word God because my account is attached to the organized religion God. Ya know the punishing God who doesn’t allow Baptist’s to dance, the one who condemns people to hell for loving the same sex… I am changing the name God to Her so if you read any post further from here and read me talk about Her, that is what I am referring to.
I know that my God has big things in store for me not by way of money but by way of peace by helping others because that is what my soul has been sent here to do. I do not ever discuss this out of fear that it will scare others away but it is my truth. I have a gift and sense things others don’t and this year I will be tuning into the intuition that I have run from for a long time.
Ok, I’ll admit. I have been off my meds for about a month and a half. Everything was going smoothly until a few days ago. The culprit is pms. It is common for people who suffer from bipolar, women, to experience terrible pre-menstrual symptoms related to increased levels of estrogen. With that said I felt a familiar enemy rise. Anger.
If you are new to these parts, I have a terrible anger problem that has caused me tremendous anguish and humiliation. Not so much fun when you try your hardest to not let it surface. Anyway, I have since taken one dose of my medication and am lucky it is instant. You ask why I quit taking, well, because I don’t like feeling like a zombie. I have been in a more comatose state on different meds and these aren’t nearly as bad as others but I am wanting to approach my mental health from a more natural perspective. BUT I recognize I probably need to take my medication first and then begin a journey of naturalness later down the road.
Going into 2019 from ground zero gives me ample opportunity to grow as a person, explore my creativity, help others in need, and expand my horizon. I will do so through forgiving eyes and loving heart. I am going to say no and not feel bad about it. Keeping in mind that I do not have to do anything except what advances me and my daughter. I have a tendency to volunteer my time to solve other peoples problems and that isn’t their fault, doing so continues to hold me back from solving my own.
Do an inventory of your situation and share with me in the comments. I would love to hear from you. Chat with me through email if that feels more comfortable.
I will go ahead and state the obvious, we are close to the end of the year and need to get our butts in gear for our first attempt at planning!
Keep in mind:
Realistic. Honest. Simple.
You should have your three goals for 2019 written out. If not, we are rowing the same boat 😉
-WRITE THEM NOW-
Assign each goal 4 months.
Before we go any further
Let’s write a
A Pledge to Plan
Am I cheesy?? I’m cheesy.
I think one will benefit us by reminding us a few things. Write this where it can be seen when you sit down and plan. In the front of your planner, typed and framed on your desk..get creative.
I, (name), pledge to plan in 2019. I am striving to achieve these 3 goals. (List your three). I will remember to be patient, forgiving, and persistent. Planning is a habit formed by practice and I am learning. If something isn’t working I will reconfigure my plans for next month. I am creating a customized plan that suits mine and my family’s needs and will not compare my system to anyone else’s. Everything entered into my plans will be full of intention. The plans entered are flexible because life happens and I will not quit if my plans have to be altered.
Next, jot down ideas of things that could be done, action, to work toward achieving the ultimate goals. These will be our mini monthly goals. I separated them into a column style, graph-like diagram. I listed at least 10 under each goal. The amount of each is up to you but it cannot be more than 16 because more will exceed your limit of 4 max each month assigned to your goal.
Do not forget that you have other aspects of life that will require your attention. Having the mini monthly goals set at 4 max stops you from becoming overwhelmed. I drew something, much nicer than the first one 🙂, that I think will be a great guide to follow. It serves as an outline and I encourage tweaking it to your needs.
Here I made space for secondary goals and those would be ones specifically for your job, school, child’s dance class and then an area for scheduled events. This scheduled area should be where you add to your planner your weekly and daily routines that you are trying to develop or that you have already established.
“What?”, you say, yes, we are now breaking our planning down further from goals to achieve this year, to monthly mini goals, and now on to daily….and soon, hourly.
We gonna get our shit together this year boys and girls. 🙂
Before you decide that planning isn’t for you, this is a great stopping point. Absorb the information provided, pin the image created as a guide and we will pick up here with more detailed images and in-depth instructions.
Breathe. Smile. And be grateful. We have a plan!!!
If you have any questions at all, please chat with me. Stay tuned for the third and final post in our When I Becomes We: Planning 2019 series. There will be a fun, creative activity thrown in the mix 🙂
P.s. There will be many planning posts throughout the year. I wouldn’t hang you out to dry like that, it is the last with this title. Shew! I thought I lost ya.