I have entered a phase in my blogging career that I have not dealt with. Writing a post feels forced. It hasn’t come naturally in the last two weeks.
Since purchasing my domain I have been trying to develop, more or less, my writer’s voice. In relation to my most well-received posts, it is my personal posts that I receive the most responses. I attribute this to my loyal followers that share a genuine concern about my well being.
When I refer to developing my voice I am speaking in terms of not using the word I and also offering solutions to my reader’s problems. The only problem I am finding is my own. The one where I do not have a solution for others rather advice on what not to do.
This has brought me to a crossroad. 2019 is the year I discover who I am and I am finding blogging, in a form other than personal, is conflicting with my discovery. I find myself putting unnecessary pressure to present my material in a way that isn’t true to my style.
How ironic is that? While trying to love myself I continue trying to not be myself. It is showing up in different areas of my life. I read this great article that allowed me to see that while we may be focusing on one thing we may, in fact, be doing the opposite of that and become worse at it. Once I read this I completely related. To all of it.
I made it a point to not set any blogging goals for the year and as a way of distraction, I am trying to take on a new voice. That’s terrible and I am so glad I caught it when I did. Other things besides the rejection have shown up recently. I’m sure once those come full circle I will share.
I made it through a trying time of self-doubt and comparison and I have no doubt I will make it through this phase. I am happy to have been shown and more happy to have been open to receiving. I had no idea that all I asked for would just magically appear. The signs are there and it is up to me to pay attention. I will never improve if I do not seek the lesson in my pain.
Once again I do not know where to start but I will start by adding this to my list of things to work through with a counselor. I can easily be distracted by the problems of others but in 2019 I won’t be having it. All I want is to be a better person, whole and proud.
I have many great topics that I want to discuss but I am adding them to a list as well for a time when I can dedicate to doing them justice.
This weekend was a rough one with my daughter. She experienced her first full-on panic attack, at school. Immediately my protective nature kicked and I became offended because she didn’t contact me.
While I want to be there for her I am learning that unlike me, she has developed her coping skills. The sad truth is, she is more emotionally mature than I am. I am not ashamed of that. That’s life. Our life. We argued a little as teenage girls and their mother (who act like a teenager) do. I’m working on that too! One at a time! 😂
Something I am trying to do differently is to be easier on myself. I’ve shared that I internalize criticism and hold on to things said in an unhealthy manner. This leads to toxic self-talk which gets me nowhere. The idea that perfection exists is slowly but surely being smashed as I breeze through my days. Some days are better than others but for the most part, I have turned to laughter when I make a mistake. I laugh at myself and evaluate where I can make a change.
I find I need to set up a more organized system for this journey of self-discovery. My lists are in whichever notebook I can find at the moment. I will take today and use it to bring any list together and find them a home in one place. The year is only in its first month and I haven’t fallen behind on any task but getting a grip on any organizing will benefit me in the long run.
My main goal this week is to have a photo shoot with the products I have ready for sale. That was supposed to happen Saturday but due to a scheduling conflict, it didn’t happen. That about rounds it up. My life update in a pretty red bow. Do you have any go-to remedies when you feel as though you have nothing worthy of sharing? Do you laugh at your mistakes instead of beating yourself up? Am I doing anything right?
Let’s chat in the comments. I am taking any and all suggestions on how I can improve this self-discovery journey. Any books you would suggest that had life-changing effects, drop ’em in the comments.
In June of 2018, I decided I would explore my creative side. I have since continued practicing my skills. During these 6 months, my style has shown through as what I would describe as vintage infused with modern art. The age factor is something I am drawn to in collectible items but it is the crisp, boldness of modern-like photography that catches my eye.
Creative & Collective will be where I discuss my creative journey, share pictures of my art, and provide videos with my antique shopping hauls. Since I also collect notebooks and stationery, those topics will fall under this category as well.
When I use the word modern I am not specifically talking about today’s modern. I am talking about modern of any time period. Each generation is known for trendy designs, patterns, and colors but all to often we forget that during those trends there are also pieces of art considered modern. I do not necessarily pair the two, time frame with trend and modern, as much as I…. just pair the two.
I tend to favor style with clean, crisp lines but with fashion I like flair. An easier way of explaining could be that in design I like the precise, defined look whereas in fashion I prefer the runway style. We can all agree that what is worn on the catwalk is not worn on the streets. Combining the two creates interest for the eye.
It can create friction choosing to mesh the two opposite ends of the spectrum but I feel I do so in a fluid way. It appeals to the softened and busy eye. It is my appreciation for detail that I have come to realize sets me apart from others. It takes risk and charisma to pull it off. Two qualities I possess.
Bold and Subdued
Black and white is my favorite go to. That is shown on my website. Adding a pop of color enhances the crispness of it. I love the color. My favorite being red but something you will find is I rarely use or wear red. I prefer to use purple which is opposite on the color wheel but the two can be beautifully paired together.
Growing up one thing I clearly remember is liking red opposed to pink. It was pointed out to me that red was a “boy” color. From that day forward I would say that purple was my favorite so not to be put into the boy category. Well, guess what? Red is my favorite color and I am not ashamed to say it!
In high school, my Ma and I redid my room. Tearing down the pink wallpaper to replace it with white paint. My curtains were black to match my comforter with white polka dots and then we used red accents. I LOVED it!
As far as my fashion sense goes I would classify it as… My own. I am not a girly girl and never have been. My fashion sense is along the lines of stylish and comfortable.
Dressing up as far as a dress and heels go is rare but I clean up nice. I prefer skinny jeans with an oversized top that hangs off the shoulder, boots with a heel, chunky heel, not stiletto and my hair in a low hanging ponytail. But most days are casual days after my work uniform comes off because let’s face it, most of us are in our work clothes more than the ones we want to be in.
Here begin my collectives, in a fashion sense. I absolutely love glasses and purses, simple, dainty jewelry and stationery. Stationery? Yes, I see the stationery I love as an accessory as well as functional. Teehee. The accessories I chose are feminine, girly, flashy, glittery, over the top and bows… Don’t even get me started!! The bigger. The better. Me!
It is funny because I am a little gangsta girl #504boys #weezy #ugk I listen to Kevin Gates, Gucci Mane, The Weekend, Tigga, Erykah Badu, Lenny Kravitz… I appreciate rap music, I relate to a lot of it. I have 2 12’s in my trunk with a competition amp and Bose stereo system 🙂 (my sisters is way better!) Shoutout to the elusive Darik.
I love Southern African American culture. Baggy, not sagging, clothes. The beat of their energy gives me life. This beautiful culture brings the meaning of family to a whole new level. They invite their crackhead uncle and prostitute cousin to Thanksgiving because they are family and they give to family. They are dedicated to one another by blood. Hell, they will consider you family and when that happens, you experience love without judgment. The only one you need to observe is momma. She is the matriarch and the one who created the bond that is that energy field. Respect her. You don’t have a choice anyway.
Fun fact Candace means Ethiopian Queen. Enough said.