5.18.19

Personal Growth & Goals
Revenge of Eve

Presence Presents

Acceptance is just that.

Accept.

Repeat.

The present moment offers dreams.

Answers to questions to unsolved curiosities are found.

The presence of love can be found.

An alternate perception is had.

A flower’s scent is sensed.

An airplane heard.

A baby soothed.

Growth from within felt.

Positive energy flows.

Consciousness you’ll know.

Awareness is experienced on a whole new level.

A wholeness is felt.

A oneness seems possible.

Hope is restored.


On this full moon’s night my mind, of course, takes flight. Resembling a warrior fighting their toughest of fights, I stay present with all my might. Moments of times past try to haunt my efforts of remaining present and so I fight. I smell the scent of the flowers, I feel the breeze from the storm that is rolling in. The goosebumps take over my skin with each lightning strike. Tonight these moments give me hope. A hope that wavers with each passing second. A hope that holds tight and reminds me what it is I love about full moons night.

Revenge of Eve

To my only child:

We share the same moon and when you look at it know that I look at it too. No matter the distance that is in between, together forever we will be. Despite the wedge those drive between our bond, the universe knows where each of us belongs. My heart sings only one song. It is that of a mom who wants only the best yet who stands buried by life’s test. I know in my heart the moon cleanses the rest. My sincerest love is all I have to give, this I confess. Momma loves you although times are stressed and I hope you realize such with the energy of tonight’s full moon that my love for you never rests. – Momma loves you Luce ❤

Because of You

Mental Health & Recovery

Sunshine in my soul


It is so easy to fall within the frame of mind that lends itself to negativity without realizing how it contributes to the negative vibes that sometimes consume our world but today, I refuse to do so. Today I will not feel like my happiness is set up rather enjoy it and accept it.

Too often I find that I am guilty of wallering in moments that have passed but because of me, they remain. I’m going to let go of any of that and appreciate the beauty in the small gifts I am gifted, today.

More specifically:

  • The weather is absolutely gorgeous in Louisiana today!!
  • My sweet J-Baby cooperated so nicely while I groomed him.
  • My daughter will have this day as a canvass to build upon and remember as she has her varsity soccer try-outs today.
  • I am off work.
  • I have my freedom.
  • I have a support system that is the foundation for building my self-confidence.
  • I have learned that this moment is all I have and knowing such has altered the way I see life in general.
  • I am learning to let go of what I cannot control and it is the most liberating thing I’ve ever experienced.
  • I have mobility in that I can walk, use my arms and hands, and my thumbs which typed this gratitude post 😉
  • I have a healthy, thriving, intelligent child.
  • I belong to an amazing community of like-minded bloggers who encourage me from all over the world.
  • Today, I believe in myself.
  • Acknowledging my faults and learning from my mistakes is a strength I often dismiss but not today.

I could go on but I will stop with those because I’ve got some vitamin D to soak up!!!☀
What are some things that you are grateful for today?? Let me know in the comments.


I hope all who read this realize the impact you have had on my life. Words do no justice for when trying to express that. Because of many of you, I have the will to live and not just exist. Y’all have singlehandedly changed the way I view myself, my potential and my purpose which has completely changed my perspective about this thing we call life. That’s huge for someone who wanted to die 10 days ago and from the bottom of my heart

Thank You!

I love y’all!

A Little Diddy for Mom’s

Life & Relationships

Revenge of Eve

Hold and cuddle them while you can.

Before you know it, it is you they cannot stand.

Wipe their noses and butts,

Help them out of ruts,

Watch as they drive you nuts!

Eyes that once glowed with pride

Go on to swollen and full of tears.

Before you know it, you question

“What happened to all those years?”

You do your best not to pass on your fears.

You give them room to grow.

But we aren’t taught how to cope when our daughter becomes a ho

Or our son an abusive asshole

Or a drug addict,

Or Gay

But, HEY! At least you get ONE day!

So to all the mothers out there…

Don’t think you are alone in a world of perfect moms because none of us have it figured out. All you can do is be the best version of yourself and if anyone wants to judge you for that, fuck them, wink back.

A New Rainy Day-Revenge of Eve

A New Rainy Day

Mental Health & Recovery

Today has started

Today I have woke in a significantly better space. My sleep was a bit restless as I tossed and turned. An idea came to mind about creating a canvass and that idea kept me thinking about my own experience. Not an experience that I wanted to keep me awake, I will say that. One of being molested at the age of fourteen. I was a willing participant in the act but I can’t help but to think of how sick the 32 year old man was/is. Although I was willing how can a man for one minute believe that a fourteen year old knows what she is doing when it comes to sex and the activities that it involves. It is disturbing to say the least. Disturbing that I thought it was cool that a man of his age would want anything to do with a young teen and more disgusting that he did.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever disclosed this information but the weight of it felt extremely heavy last night and so, I decided if I hadn’t wrote about it, I would. The man is my step-uncles twin brother. Gross, right? I will not allow this to consume my thoughts today but I will tell y’all the idea I had. In the world of creative journaling, tabs are a big deal. Tabs? You ask. The tabs that stick out to make it easier to find a specific section, rather the tabs I reference are for decoration purposes.

These tabs can be made of sturdy cardstock, cardboard, fabric, anything you can staple to the side of the paper to make it easier to access a specific page. Well, for one reason or another, I thought it would a neat idea to have those who have been molested, willing or not, make a tab that represents the act they wish to forget. The tabs would be mailed to me and I will staple them to a thin canvass, creating a piece of art that collectively has been created from victims across the globe. Once the canvass is full, it could be auctioned off with 100% of the proceeds to victims of molestation. Let me know what you think of this idea. I will provide photos of what I mean when I say a tab, below.

Revenge of Eve

This isn’t to distract from me as much as it is to get out of pity. Let me know what you think of the idea. If it so happens you experienced such acts more than once, make tabs for each occasion. The tabs do not have to be pretty. They can be torn, wrinkled, ink-stained, whatever your idea is, I support. If there is an interest, we can do this together. I’m sure I could scan an outline of a tab for those who would prefer there to be a guide. If you wanted to write your abusers initials on the tab, do so. My hope is that this will help with letting the act(s) go.

Revenge of Eve

**Post update: I will purchase a post office box soon and will publish a post with the address for those interested. This can be an anonymous participation. I will not attach any personal information to the piece of canvass related to the tabs.

Writing Myself Well

Mental Health & Recovery

I’m Not Well

That is the most honest statement I’ve written. I am not well. It is taking everything in me at the moment to type these words. What happened? Nothing specifically but enough to leave me in my bed going on a week now. This post won’t be full of frill or begging for sympathy. I am just curious if it is possible to write myself well.

What does that mean? I’m not sure but I do know I love my blog and this community. I apologize for not responding to any of the comments and I will get to that soon. Currently, my hands shake as I type and I want to close my laptop. I may. I may not.  I don’t know what to say. I am learning that just because I do not want to be bipolar, does not make me not bipolar.

I’ve had a manic episode for approximately nine months now. That’s a long time to be up and my plan is to not be down that long. But here’s the catch. I don’t have a plan. Oh but wait! I am working on one. I see a new counselor on Monday. I am here, writing and I plan to touch base at least once a day. What I write is all dependant on how I feel. I will try to be social but at this point, no promises. I consume myself with others as a distraction from working on myself. I’ve said this for years but the reality of it has slapped me in the face. It hurts. I am hurting.

What does writing myself well mean? I don’t know but I am at the point I will try anything. Over the past two years, I have slowly come to understand that I am worthy of life. Even typing that confuses me because I have learned it but find it hard to believe 100%. Who determines…I have a million questions that will never be answered. I’m not hoing to waste anymore time on those. I want to be better.

I’ll admit there have been times when being sick was easier than putting in the work it takes to get well but that is not the case this go ’round. This time is different. What’s even harder for me to understand is the number of people who believe that being this way is a choice. Why on Earth would anyone choose to live this way? How is this my fault? How do I stop it? I’d rather not exist but instead, I have this and a life that I have been given. For what I have yet to discover. But I, like you, have a purpose.

Revenge of Eve

I Chose Life

Mental Health & Recovery

Today I was on the verge.

The verge of suicide.

I wrote my note.

I looked for the gun –

It wasn’t there.

Luck?

I’ll never know.

It was the calmest I’ve been in a while and even I commented such, out loud.

My guardians, I called upon.

One by name.

A decision was made

No bother to reach out.

Attention is all that would stand to gain.

I sent my I Love You’s to the four that matter.

None of this fuck’n matters

Replays over and over in my head.

The realization that I’ve played a role, one assigned to me, is a harsh reality.

Why wouldn’t they give me a glamorous one?

There is no time for blame.

Ironically, those who ask

What’s wrong

are the ones that aren’t ready to see their part in your shame.

Expectations to be a no-body carries a weight.

One that I must shake,

For my life is at stake.


Letter143-Revenge of Eve

4.27.19

Personal Growth & Goals
revenge of eve

Today

I’m on one

In a mood

High strung

Pumped

Sensory overload

Discombobulated

Focus

I say

out loud

throughout the day

My body temperature is higher than normal

Outside the sun shines and a fragrant breeze blows

Just yesterday I was on the

other side

As i learn

to breathe,

I set aside my pride

Shutting down the chatter

Because…

Only this moment

Matter.

On Awakening (I pathetically beg you to read)

Mental Health & Recovery, Personal Growth & Goals

The Shift

I must let it be known to anyone who is ready for an awakening within themselves or the world, it’s happening in me and it is painful! If you are on a spiritual journey of any kind you have most likely heard of Eckard Tolle and if you haven’t heard of him, you have got to look him up!!

(Click his name above to be directed and discover the purpose of his foundation)


2019

I claimed 2019 to be the year of self-discovery and I had NO idea what I was in for! None, zilch, notta. The pessimist in me prepares for the worse but the journey I am being led down has me experiencing a hurt for the world in our current state of existence. The suffering and pain I am feeling may prove too much to bear.

My assumption was that I would experience sadness from revisiting painful moments that I never allowed myself to fully feel yet I am feeling so much more. Everything I was taught and all I thought about life is being challenged by the spiritual teachings of Eckard Tolle. And I don’t mean challenged as in an argument, I mean for the greater good. The weight of emotions I am feeling I attribute to the pain and suffering being experienced as a collective whole.

At this point, I don’t care if I sound crazy, I have to share so others have the opportunity to tune in. For those who question any belief outside of religion and even those who do not, anyone soul searching, agnostics, atheists, average folks…everyone!! This information is for US and it is in your best interest to take advantage of being taught about the shift happening. It is hard to conceptualize the extent to which things are discussed but I feel his words with every fiber of my being. You will too. Just listen. Don’t think, don’t resist, don’t judge, but don’t say I don’t warn you about the difficult realizations you will have.

This isn’t a scam to get you to follow a person and his beliefs, this is the way back to our true selves. He goes in depth about ego, our idea of God, our brains, our consciousness, and more. You don’t have to be intelligent or rich or white or any of that bullshit for this information to impact you.

Revenge of Eve

Stop making that face! Have faith!

This isn’t some new modern shit that will fade away rather a shift that must happen in order for us as a species to continue moving forward and it’s happening whether we like it or not.

People use the term millennial to disguise the first generation the shift has impacted in a blanketed fashion. Older generations are doubtful because it puts everything they were taught and taught in the spotlight as wrong (language..more on that) but this isn’t about being right or wrong, this is about healing as a whole. Believe me, I’m the last one to advocate for our species because in my opinion, we are fucked and we did it to ourselves. This approach is much kinder.

There are no fees, no membership, and no, it isn’t witchcraft or a cult nor is it a belief system that threatens you to flames, condemning you to hell on the basis of decision. This is a legit explanation, to the extent, our minds can conceptualize, as far as our existence in the human form is concerned.

Naturally, some will want to challenge this notion but the catch is your words may spew challenges but if you live by this teaching, there is no denying the truth behind it. Not one person can do as suggested and prove error.

That’s a bold statement especially for someone like myself. I don’t just believe what I am told. I am doer, a leader, and a woman who has experienced pain and grief to the extent of losing my sanity.

Adaptation

We developed words to guide us in communicating and somewhere along these lines we began to use these words to define who we are, what we are supposed to do according to these roles, and that’s where we went wrong. The language of love is all we need and because of a language we developed, we couldn’t be any further from our original being. We use words and labels to define our surrounding and in terms of what’s right and what is wrong, this is right. How do I know? I don’t know. It’s a feeling. I’ve never felt so right in my life. Another huge statement!

I am using terms we are familiar with that describe what it is that is happening within me. I am not saying you are wrong in your beliefs. I am speaking from my perspective but I challenge you to make it yours. Process it how you will but take the action it takes to implement the suggestions.

What really convinces me of this theory is the fact there is no insult to other opinions in order to put emphasis on this way of operating. There are no side effects other than tears and a bit of confusion but compared to the ones Big Pharma would have us all on, that’s nothing!! And these are second to the feelings I have about this….and you all know, I NEVER TRUST MYSELF. My intuition has spiked off the charts as though my inner child is pushing me to be set free. If I’ve never trusted myself before, I do now.

Normally I would be hesitant to share anything that goes against the grain and this doesn’t even do that!!! All you are required to do is be present, sit with your emotions as they occur, and move on with the next minute. Don’t get me wrong, those simple ideas are hard to do when our world screams instant, now, immediate, fix, cure, solve and even better…the promise of happiness. Never one time does he use words to make promises or glorify the end result. Why? Because it speaks for itself.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice I require used to require words for others to understand me and I revoke each and every time I thought or said so. I do not need to be defined. I am. It is our very words that are causing us to melt. This makes total sense of the decline in mental health.

As I explore the present moment I truly realize it is all we have. Saying so and knowing so are two different things. My journey has only begun but I have hope whereas I hadn’t prior to discovering Eckard Tolle. I share this information with y’all because I know we all struggle most especially within the mental health community and I will promote this until my last breath.

I share because I care! Give it a chance…you have nothing to lose!! And if you do, make sure you pass on what his teachings have done for you.

Revenge of Eve

Ps. When you read or listen to the teaching PLEASE pingback to this post or email me and let me know you have done so…I would LOVE to hear what it does for others. If you have Spotify you can be taught this on Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast. The name of the episodes is called A New Earth. There are 10 episodes each an hour long. Use the hashtag #daretoshare

letter143-Revenge of Eve

4.19.19

Personal Growth & Goals

I am ready to let go of the attachment

that has caused me to quit giving.

I am a giving person

and do so with thought

But

That’s stopped.

I am ready to rid myself of

the idea

I am not good enough.

I am.

I am ready to initiate change in my life

and

trust the outcome.

I have stopped trying to find

me

And now

Allowing it to be.

I am stepping from behind

what everyone expects,

including me;

Me to be.

Revenge of Eve

Silent Sufferer

Life & Relationships

An unbearable sadness

To tame

A story

different…

yet

The same

A life sentence

Imprisoned

to a life of shame

Ridden with guilt

Themselves

They blame

No words can explain

The epic tragedy

A mothers child

Taken in vain


Revenge of Eve
©

dedicated to: D, Wendy, & L

I work with D’s and Wendy’s daughters and L is D’s best friend. What these three have in common is something I wish to NEVER experience. Each of them have mourned a child and the scenarios are different but the pain, one in the same.

Wendy had six children and lost two boys, separately, to the streets. D survived an abusive relationship, at the cost of her child’s life. And L… oh the pain of mourning her child… An abusive man with a gun, to her head, forced her to walk away only later to say the daughter they shared were dead. Doing all she knew how she continued scrapping by only to be contacted by her daughter 30+ years later.

These wounded women live life with a piece(s) of themselves missing. The pain of such loss I cannot comprehend. These women’s stories have found me recently and all I can hope is that it isn’t to prepare me for the same thing.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, provide them access to resources that will help to get them out. Do not wait until this is their story.


Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, or if you have questions about abuse, we can help.
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) thehotline.org
1-866-331-9474 loveisrespect.org text “loveis” to 22522

Office on Women’s Health: resource page

Psych Central: resource page offers hotline numbers for many situations. A great resource page to bookmark. Information provided for both United States and the U.K.