From Conception to Toddler

I keep racking my brain on ways to honor my daughter for the month of February and I seem to fall short on ideas.

So I figured I would make a list of my memories from her conception through her toddler years.

Naming her

When naming her, we decided early on that we liked the name, Kobe. And yes, because of Kobe Bryant. I knew that she had to have a name of Irish descent and Erin fit perfectly with Kobe. This name could be used for a male or female by changing the spelling.

During my pregnancy, we went back and forth but always found our way back to Kobi Erynn, with an I instead of an e and Erynn vs Erin. I’ve always had a knack for unique spellings.

When I found out that I would be induced I looked up birthdays of famous people on that date and low and behold, she shares a birthday with the late Bob Marley. Marley Brooke became an option as far as names go but inevitably when she was born, she was Kobi Erynn.

Her name means: finest grade-origin: Japanese(Kobe) of peace-origin: Irish (Erynn)

Other interesting decisions

While I was carrying my little bambino I decided there would be no pink in her assorted collage of life. I chose purple and yellow as the colors to theme her newborn life. Not intentionally because of the Lakers or LSU but that is what came to mind once that decision was made.

When she arrived much to my surprise she didn’t even weigh 6 pounds! So all of the clothes I had packed for her didn’t fit except ONE soft, powder pink sweet pea outfit that had a kitten on it. How did that sneak past my radar??? I’ll never know but as soon as we put it on her I fell in love with pink… For her anyway.

When it came time to do some shopping, pink it was!! We had to buy at least a few nighties and outfits due to her being so small but besides that, she was set until she was two on clothes. Mint green, yellow and pale colors look beautiful with her skin tone. She has a red undertone to her brown skin that comes from the Native American on both sides of our families.

From Conception to Toddler-Revenge of Eve

Toddler years

On Kids second birthday she got a big girl bed, a twin, with a hot pink comforter, bright flowers, and pillow shams. On this day she put on a pair of big girl panties and slept in her bed. She never once wet the bed!!

*funny puzzle that took 13 years to solve: She used to call a diaper a bop-a-net, said as I spelled it. None of us could figure out where she got the name bopanet so we just went along with it.  For years we tried to figure it out until one day I just so happened to be discussing her calling it that and when I said the word, it made sense….she was trying to say diaper wet!!! A light went off and it was solved, 13 years later!

She never wore a pull-up and never wet the bed. She did not like to be wet, ever. As soon as she figured out that getting a diaper meant she got changed, it was over. We went through so many diapers, it was a relief to put her in panties.

Always wearing cowboy “boops” and panties she pranced around and if she had on clothes, she had on heels. Lol. These little plastic heels, jelly-like, with a rubber section on the bottom to prevent sliding, with butterfly wings that form to make the toe section.

She had to have every color. Clear, pink, blue and purple. Lucky for me they were only $3. She wore them for almost three years. Each time she grew in size, we had to get new heels. She could run fast and stairs were no prob, you could hear her coming a mile away….click, click, click.

Water baby

At three months old, my best friends Mom blew in Kobi’s face and dunked her underwater. I couldn’t watch. Much to my surprise, she didn’t cry. From that moment on she has loved every second of being in the water. At eighteen months old she could swim without floaties.

She would jump off the diving board with me wading in front of the board. I never let her swim to me. She had to jump to me and then swim to the side with me close behind. This was to teach her to not depend on me being there. The rule was if she wanted to jump off the board without me there, she had to do so without floaties. The floaties were thrown out the summer after her turning two.!! People would stare in awe at her little legs as she jumped off the diving board and swam her little body to the side without supervision. I was there but I wasn’t in the water for her to jump too.

People would come up to me and ask how I did it and my response was I taught her not to fear the water, by laying her on her back, and how to kick, the rest, she did. One summer she was set on learning how to swim using above water strokes. She did it. All except the butterfly stroke.

From a very young age, I have watched her set her mind to do something and achieve it. Often times learning much quicker than I had imagined possible. This trait she has carried throughout her life. If she applies herself, she can conquer whatever it is she sets her mind too.

She makes it easy to be proud.

A Little Bit About This and That


Often times the bond between mother and daughter is considered one of strain. All too often we hear of the arguments, attitude, and agitation that create stress for this feeble relationship. Teenage years is when most girls begin their menstrual cycle resulting in catastrophic, irrelevant emotional outburst. Ironically us women are similar to a gang. We cycle with the other women who are in our immediate circle after a short time of being around each other.

Check out Here’s the Plan, Man

A little about this and that- Revenge of Eve

No relationship is quite as primal as the one between a mother and her daughter. “It’s the original relationship, and it’s also a relationship that has been sentimentalized but not honored,” says Lee Sharkey, Ph.D., who directs the Women’s Studies program at the University of Maine at Farmington, where she teaches a popular course in mother-daughter relationships. “Women grow up and our energy is largely turned toward men, but the original love relationship is with a mother. If we as daughters don’t acknowledge that, we’re closing ourselves off from a great source of power and fulfillment and understanding of ourselves.

I would like to imagine that my daughter’s relationship with me is one based on respect, trust, and honesty, at least 85% of the time. Our personalities are complete opposites and I believe that to be why we are able to make life work the way we do. She (Kid) is much kinder, considerate, relaxed, and respectful than I ever was as a pre-teen-young adult. She favors her father’s demeanor. She is content by herself which was unheard of when I was her age.

Prior to my teenage years, I was self-reliant, self-entertained, and independent. Somewhere around middle school, I began seeking validation from my peers.  I strongly believe this is where I got lost in life.

This is the time of my daughter’s life when I realized it was time to get sober. The depression was in control and I was a shell. I believe everything happens for a reason and I feel in my heart this is when she needed her dad’s guidance more than mine, although it was not a planned decision.

Not only was she transitioning from living with her mother to living with her father, but she also had to transition from one school district to another.

A little about this and that- Revenge of Eve

One thing I pride myself on as a mother is encouraging my daughter to be herself. I never realized how stable she is in her being until she reached high school. Her friends will go out and drink, some smoke marijuana, and she is content sitting at home watching tv. Rarely will she ask to go do something but when she does, the answer is always yes… which leads to my weakness as a mother. I find it difficult to tell her no. In fact, I do not know if I have ever. Of course, if it is something that will harm her, I say no but if she outright asks for something from me, she’s going to get it. She knows it too. She is such a great teen that I feel as though she should be rewarded.


My daughter has a docile, quiet nature.  She is supportive of her friend’s struggles, always offering solid advice.  She isn’t one to tell you what you want to hear rather what needs to be said.  At times she can be timid.  She is patient and observant which allows her to form her own opinion.  I am not claiming that she is perfect but pretty damn close 😉

She is a great soccer player but it didn’t come easy for her.  She has put in work to get where she is.  She dedicated herself to it and has come far.  I would say that he is not a follower but not exactly a leader either.   She is somewhere in the middle.  Like a silent partner.  I don’t know how to explain it.  She is just laid back.


My daughter was a spitting image of her father but as she has gotten older her face is thinning out and she somewhat favors me.   She has my t-zone for sure.  She has a round face whereas I have an oval-shaped face.

I thought for sure she would tower over me but such is not the case.  I am 5’10 and she has stopped growing at a mere 5’6.  We know that she will not get any taller because she had to see a foot specialist and he told us her growth plate has closed.  Never did I imagine her being my sister’s height.

We are all guilty of preconceived notions of how or what our children will be like.  In my case, I was destined to have a disrespectful, brat when in fact I was blessed with an angel.  I suppose I am enough brat for the both of us.  She is her own person with her own opinions and beliefs.  Her father and I did one thing right and that was to raise a respectful, dignified young lady who loves herself.   And we didn’t do it alone.  There has been a community of friends that have had their hand in raising her.  She makes us all proud.

Make sure to look out for tomorrows post 🙂 And to my subscribers….. get ready because this week I will be sending out my first video!! I’ve just gotta record it …. lmao but no really!!

Gotta dash ~ I’m here if anyone needs me ~ always

Your Intro to the World

My Precious Child

I am not certain if you will read these posts or if I will invite you to but the one thing I am certain of is the love I hold for you. ❤


At the time this post is published, you were born 17 years ago

*alarm* 4 am

I packed your hospital bag as though we were going on a week-long vacation. Stuffed with socks, rags, your coming home outfit, 5 other outfits, bottles, a paci… I was prepared and then some.

On the way to the hospital, I kept repeating, ” I’m not nervous at all… You’d think I’d be nervous, but I’m not..”…

And then I was admitted and instructed to go to the bathroom to put on my gown and while I did that, your dad was sent to complete some paperwork on a different floor. As soon as I dropped my clothes I stood there trembling as tears streamed down my face and I said the words, ” I want my momma”, out loud.

Hours later, I would become a mother myself. The joy I felt in those moments is indescribable. Pure, unfiltered, not forced.. Happiness. For the first (and only) time, I cried tears of joy.

Revenge of Eve

Surrounded by love, those who came to wait for your arrival, brought Mardi Gras beads, ordered pizza in the lobby, and frantically paced in and out of my labor room. I posed for pictures with an oxygen mask on until the doctor kicked everyone out (approximately 8 centimeters). My two best friends were in the room and at one point I see, through my lifted legs, a camera strap flying over the doctors head. With a friend at each foot…we have the pictures of your raw entrance. Not per request! Lol

There was indeed a celebration the day you graced us with your beautiful soul. I can hardly believe that I have a child 17-years old! Where did the time go?  Last time I looked you were in diapers wearing plastic heels, clicking through our house. 

Revenge of Eve

At 3:19 pm, February 6, 2002, you were weighed in at a whopping 5 pounds and 12 ounces. From the moment you were born, I have felt whole. You have taught me more than I imagined I could learn from a little person.  You singlehandedly push me to be the best version of myself.  Your quiet demeanor captivates me.  I love you more each day and I am grateful to be your mother.

Happy 17th Birthday, Kid!

Here’s the Plan, Man

Here's the Plan-Revenge of Eve


Two things come to mind when I hear or see the month February. The most important of the two is Kid’s birthday (This will be everyone’s second birthday with her). Last year we celebrated by throwing a small shindig at a local Mardi Gras (2nd Feb thought) parade. For whatever reason, parties aren’t her gig. So.. Momma came up with her own way to celebrate her.

For the month of February, Revenge of Eve will be themed, centered around my daughter!! All post will be dedicated to her and/or about her. I think this is a wonderful way to celebrate her.


These post will visit way back when. She graced us with her presence at 3:19 pm, February 6, 2002. It was a Wednesday and the coldest day of the year. I am going to dig through storage in hopes of finding her baby book.

I bought the newspaper on the day she was born and clipped the weather, hers and ours (me & her dads) horoscopes, along with the prices of gas and a few other things for reference. She has always loved looking at her baby book. She gets a twinkle in her eye and a smile takes over her face. ❤ I am gonna dig and dig until I find it. I am excited about this trip down memory lane. Eek!


As far as goals for this month go, I’m not sweat’n too many. I will set my goal at one and it will be my ultimate goal; Define Who I Am

I will approach this as each day arrives. I’m gonna keep journaling and try to dig a little deeper. Part of loving myself is to look after my mental state as well as my physical state. I will make appointments to see the eye doctor, the gyno, and find a therapist and make an appointment.

More Life News

I got my second job back. Yes, I am going back to the same bar except for this time, I will speak up when or if I feel like boundaries have been crossed. This means not excusing someone’s behavior because they drank too much. Once you build a repertoire with bar patrons, if they are good to you, you go back. The crowd at this particular bar are pretty awesome (most of them).

Lately, I have done my best to observe one of our managers at my casino job. She approaches people well. I may have discussed working on my delivery before but I somehow to dropped that from my radar. I am really going to learn how to verbalize my boundaries, when necessary, without offending the other party. I suck at communication with strangers. I do not know how to have a small talk. I am awkward. You can ask the girls at work. They mess with me about it.

My problem has always been holding it in and given the chance, I use my words. They stream out of my mouth like hot lava spewing from a volcano and their power tends to linger like the lava that flows into the valley. I do not want to do that because my intention is never to hurt someone’s feelings but I must realize when they go into territory I defend.

On a more personal note

I know among bloggers we can form a bond and circles. I would love to open my circle of blogging buddies and invite anyone who has a question about anything mental health-related, that loves stationery, has a question about blogging (literally no question is a stupid question), new to the scene and would like to have an opportunity to guest post about mental health, creativity, journaling, arts and crafts, relationships…. Chime in!!! My circle of friends is amazing!! So supportive and encouraging. Really!! Don’t believe me? Follow along on our journeys, comment, and we will do the same… We love this shit! 😂

That about wraps it up.


Unique Ways to Use Inserts in Your Travelers Notebook System

The Words of A Picture

Oh Snap!

oh Snap-Revenge of Eve

So… I took a selfie tonight and I must say, my face has begun to age. I noticed a slight change two years ago but in tonight’s picture, I can see even more aging. I don’t know how I feel about this just yet. I have candidly made comments that I was going to start saving for a facelift.

Growing up everyone said I was a spitt’n image of my dad. I didn’t like that because I thought little girls were supposed to look like their mommas.

Back to the picture…

The features of mine that are aging are the same features in my fathers aging face; meaning that although everyone now says I look like my Ma, I resemble my father more.

What a bummer.

[Maybe that’s why he rejected me. A mirror image will make you do one of two things: change or never look in that mirror again. He chose the latter]

So I can see why I would have plastic surgery. Reconstruct my image to suit the more confident, brave(r) me. I just want a little nip and tuck around my neck area. It is sagging.

Oh, yeah… I haven’t started working on forgiving my dad, yet. I don’t know how you prove emotional abuse but I was emotionally tormented by my father.

I need to put that out there so I can begin healing. I would have rather been raised in his absence. And I have carried around his lies about who I am for far too long.


This will require a counselor.

For accountability

I am saying out loud

I, Candace Lynne, will make an appointment with a therapist by March 1, 2019.

I am ready to get on with my life. See what it has to offer me or better yet, what I have to offer it.

With a nice lift 😉 in my spirits.

More Importantly

Watching my daughter cope with anxiety, that is now showing up physically, has been one of the hardest, eye-opening experiences of my life.

For those of you that are new around these parts, I have one child, a daughter, who will be 17 in two weeks. She is the most respectful, intelligent, compassionate, young lady. Yes, I am biased but she truly displays those characteristics.

She has struggled with performance anxiety ever since kindergarten where she had to dance on stage with a partner in front of the magnet performing arts school, kindergarten parents. She would shake her hands while her arms flailed by her side as if she were shaking off the numbness. Over the years her coping skills remained similar, from shaking her hands to stretching her fingers. Within the past three years, her anxiety has reached an all-time high with her once favorite sport, soccer.

She had her first anxiety attack last Friday at school. Up to Friday and through tonight (Thursday), she hasn’t been doing so well. She got on the field tonight for a brief moment. I know my child and I know she isn’t ok. I am giving her time to process what it is that has gotten her in such an upheaval. Come next Friday, when I get her, she should be ready to talk.

The pressure of her academic courses has increased with two of her classes demanding more time than she has in a day. As a junior in high school, she enrolls in courses receiving college credit. Piled on top of soccer has become too much for her to handle. Instead of quitting, my daughter shows up. She cheers on her team from the bench as I stare at her across the field. She has a muscle in her upper thigh, her I.T. band, that is preventing her from playing. I believe it is her anxiety manifesting itself.

Coming from a parent, it is torcher to watch, heartbreakingly so. There is a helplessness that makes me feel inadequate along with a sense of blame. She struggles because of me. With mental illness having a genetic trait, I fear it’s debilitating wrath.

Needless to say the past two weeks, with my own growing pains, have extended themselves to an emotional roller coaster. We are moving into week three and I desperately need a solution or at least that’s how it feels. This to shall pass.

Have you dealt with mental illness within your family?? Give us some advice. We need it! Share in the comments or chat via email.

Ta-ta ~