Authors Who Made Me Smile and the Kindness Challenge…

Creative & Collective, Life & Relationships

Title Pun


There is an unspoken excitement when you await the arrival of something you have ordered online. It is almost like receiving a gift or a welcome in your mailbox. Multiply that times 100 when receiving mail by surprise!!! The days of receiving anything other than a bill in the mail have dramatically decreased with adulthood.

When I was a wee lad (Irish immigrant family), my “mommygee” mailed, us kids, each week, a Bible verse and if we could recite it at the end of the week, she would put money aside. I won’t claim to have a secret money account hidden but I distinctively recall how it felt to have something addressed to me. I felt so special. I can see her handwriting🙂

Combine nostalgia and my love of all things stationery and the result is a childlike squeal. Imagine my pitch when I received not one but TWO total surprise gifts from two kind hearted, generous, and thoughtful women. And they just so happen to be bloggers in the Word Press community🙂!!!

Candice from This Made Me Smile and Meg Kimball, her official author site, Advice Avengers. *see title* 🙂 I was taken back at the thought of them thinking of me. Meg won Day Two of Two Days of Giveaway last month and she added to my collection of blogger books. She has written a series of books and when she gave me the option to choose one, I left it up to her to decide. Seeing as I shipped the goodies on August 15, I didn’t expect to receive her book before then but…I did!!

Candice’s snail mail was a complete and total surprise. Awhile back I sent out postcards to a few inspirational bloggers with whom I’ve chatted with the outside of the blogosphere. I believe in total six bloggers received collaged goodness. One of the recipients was Candice.

Long ago, she had written a post about little libraries and how special they are to communities, in which I agree, and immediately I thought of how awesome it would be to receive a book from a Canadian free library. And so I said so in a comment to her. A book arrived sometime later and as a thank you, she was included in my list of postcard snail mail. Well, she upped the ante and shocked me with the cutest little origami journal!! Out of the blue and what a smile, it brought to my face.

I don’t know about you but when I get some new stationery, I thumb through the pages, feel the texture of the paper, look for defects, and try to decide which aspect of life I will use it for. Well, while doing so to the new addition, I found a handwritten piece of encouragement that said,

Those who wish to sing always find a song.

It is so special to me to have a quote handwritten by someone I’ve not had the opportunity to meet in person but admire from across the country. This adds the most special, personal touch; making it that much more cherishable.

The note Candice included with her sweet snail mail has already made its way into my journal.

Full Circle

You may have seen that Cyranny’s Cove is hosting a kindness challenge, all of which was prompted by her receiving a set of my art postcards (she too was one of the six). I had no idea my snail mail would have such an impact but because Cyranny enjoyed the uplifting message found on one of the postcards, she was inspired to spread the message of kindness through challenging her followers to participate once a month in mailing messages of kindness to others. You can find more detail at The Cove. Please do join us on the first of every month to see what the challenge for the month is.

This month was to find the address of an old friend we have not spoken to in some time and mail them a hello. Well, those in my past are there for a reason and without trying to ruminate on who would be the most surprised, I decided to add a twist to the challenge (of course I did).

My idea began with my niece and nephew and quickly multiplied to a total of seven lucky children. The oldest is my daughter’s stepsister who is nine and the youngest is 20 months old (actually Kid is the oldest and she will receive a letter at her dad’s so that she can participate with her stepsister and half brother).

In the photos I covered the cutest little mascot because I haven’t yet introduced her to y’all…she will be the face of my handmade journal shop…and she is the one hosting this particular idea of spreading kindness to kids. It will remain a secret that it is me.

I typed a cute message that explained what the kindness challenge is and on a second page, I included a list of objects for them to include in their artwork that will be returned to “her” each month. The idea came to me to add a prompt list to help give the kids and the parents helping, somewhat of a guide. In the challenge description, I mentioned spreading kindness by sending multiple mailed messages. I am also including a postcard with an image for coloring in hopes that will be sent to someone of their choice.


Coming Soon

Earlier in the week I sent out theGarden, my monthly newsletter that hasn’t been sent out in months. You may have noticed or maybe not but I haven’t been as active. The reason for this is because I am processing a lot of damage done to me as well as damage I’ve caused. Perhaps this is why I have been stuck for a few years because doing this shit is necessary.

In the newsletter, I mentioned an upcoming format change for R.O.E. It is my plan to start writing more posts that target my curiosities about mental health and life in general. These posts will require research and take more time than my average posts. The other aspect I would like to incorporate is an inspirational, creative aspect. Kinda of a gallery of sorts of my creative endeavors with hopes of video tutorials in the future.

I have not lost interest in blogging but as far as sharing my personal daily bits, you can subscribe to receive the newsletter if that what interests you. I am going to move away from sharing specific details although my informative posts will share personal snippets of my story.

Sooooo, basically, SUBSCRIBE SILLY 🙂

Officially…

Personal Growth & Goals

It is Official

It is the last weekend of summer vacation, for the last time 🙁

My daughter starts her senior year in five days!! Wow! It hasn’t quite registered that 13 years of schooling will soon come to an end but waking this morning the thought hit me.

I mean we look forward to these days, right? I have almost made the decision to leave this area when my daughter graduates and writing this makes it seem as though I need to make the decision. Not permanently rather explore and be wowed. I need to stand on the edge of a volcano, next to a waterfall, or count the stars from the desert. I am restless. Bored and starved of inspiration.

Official Revenge of Eve

But before I think about any of that, I must make sure to take each day, from the first day of school to the last, to be present with my daughter. Recovery is a wonderful thing but it doesn’t give back the days you lost while actively using. I knew when I had my daughter that she was it for me and instead of absorbing every milestone, we cheered and moved on to the next. Accomplishment after accomplishment checked off making each a distant memory. There are things I wish I had made a bigger deal and of course, the opposite is true. My goddaughter starts kindergarten this year and that really brings all of this into perspective. My child will soon (February) be an official adult.

She has always been treated as a person, never a child and that makes me wonder if that was the right approach. How much of a childhood did she really have? Does she appreciate that we’ve always respected her as an individual? Should we have done more to make sure she wasn’t too mature?

There are so many unanswered questions but from looking at the way she carries herself, presents herself, makes decisions, and respects herself, I must say, we (our family village), did some things right. Sure she is a little lazy, some days entitled, and other days moody but for the most part, she’s a decent, kind, compassionate, and persistent young lady.

But annnnywayyyys!

I finally got around to editing my site icon. Whatcha think about? Personally, I’m dig’n it.

I will end this note with please be kind to yourself today. You deserve the finest pleasures and joy just as much as the next guy. I love you and really, that’s enough for a few people!!

Be Kind to Yourself

revenge of eve-letter143

6.9.19

Life & Relationships

Revenge of Eve

Having a curious mind

tends to take my thoughts

and press rewind.

Among those thoughts

are questions

without

answers.

Some of which

have consumed

years

of my life.

And

still

No answers.

Detaching from my thoughts

I find peace

Yet

brought back

to question

Where am I to muster the strength

to be

what my daughter

needs

me to be

when others break

her heart?

I have no

hope

to offer

for saying it won’t happen

again

would be a lie.

And the

thoughts

churn.

When will this world heal?

How can I protect my only

from broken others?

I can only

beg and plead

she not become

as calloused as

Me.

revenge of eve-letter143

6.2.19

Personal Growth & Goals

The first week of summer comes to an end today and I must say it has been enjoyable. The quality time spent with my daughter is priceless and watching her develop a work ethic is admirable. Everything went as smooth as possible and I look forward to the next week she is here. We have a goal set to work toward as a reward for our hard work. We will reap its benefits early October and it will be a memory making time to be had. I look forward to it.

Things with myself are taking a turn for the better as I have opened myself to the possibilities of living not existing. I see positive changes on the horizon and even a possibility for happiness – one that I’ve never had.

Today I love the person I am becoming and I have faith in her and her ideas.

A Little Diddy for Mom’s

Life & Relationships

Revenge of Eve

Hold and cuddle them while you can.

Before you know it, it is you they cannot stand.

Wipe their noses and butts,

Help them out of ruts,

Watch as they drive you nuts!

Eyes that once glowed with pride

Go on to swollen and full of tears.

Before you know it, you question

“What happened to all those years?”

You do your best not to pass on your fears.

You give them room to grow.

But we aren’t taught how to cope when our daughter becomes a ho

Or our son an abusive asshole

Or a drug addict,

Or Gay

But, HEY! At least you get ONE day!

So to all the mothers out there…

Don’t think you are alone in a world of perfect moms because none of us have it figured out. All you can do is be the best version of yourself and if anyone wants to judge you for that, fuck them, wink back.

Writing Myself Well

Mental Health & Recovery

I’m Not Well

That is the most honest statement I’ve written. I am not well. It is taking everything in me at the moment to type these words. What happened? Nothing specifically but enough to leave me in my bed going on a week now. This post won’t be full of frill or begging for sympathy. I am just curious if it is possible to write myself well.

What does that mean? I’m not sure but I do know I love my blog and this community. I apologize for not responding to any of the comments and I will get to that soon. Currently, my hands shake as I type and I want to close my laptop. I may. I may not.  I don’t know what to say. I am learning that just because I do not want to be bipolar, does not make me not bipolar.

I’ve had a manic episode for approximately nine months now. That’s a long time to be up and my plan is to not be down that long. But here’s the catch. I don’t have a plan. Oh but wait! I am working on one. I see a new counselor on Monday. I am here, writing and I plan to touch base at least once a day. What I write is all dependant on how I feel. I will try to be social but at this point, no promises. I consume myself with others as a distraction from working on myself. I’ve said this for years but the reality of it has slapped me in the face. It hurts. I am hurting.

What does writing myself well mean? I don’t know but I am at the point I will try anything. Over the past two years, I have slowly come to understand that I am worthy of life. Even typing that confuses me because I have learned it but find it hard to believe 100%. Who determines…I have a million questions that will never be answered. I’m not hoing to waste anymore time on those. I want to be better.

I’ll admit there have been times when being sick was easier than putting in the work it takes to get well but that is not the case this go ’round. This time is different. What’s even harder for me to understand is the number of people who believe that being this way is a choice. Why on Earth would anyone choose to live this way? How is this my fault? How do I stop it? I’d rather not exist but instead, I have this and a life that I have been given. For what I have yet to discover. But I, like you, have a purpose.

Letter143-Revenge of Eve

5.3.19

Mental Health & Recovery

Trying

I am trying not to beat myself up over the fact that much of what I wanted to accomplish this year is not happening. In my best attempt to remain optimistic about the future while not focusing on the future, I am struggling. Reality is setting in today as I sit here suffering from an extreme migraine.

I was forced to call out of work today due to a migraine and ever since waking, I have spiraled downward at a rate of speed that is not controllable. I feel like some most days I am pretending. Pretending that everything is ok when in fact, it is not. Yes I have listened to a life changing podcast but that does not erase 40 years of unhealthy coping skills. It does not undo the negative self-talk that repeatedly plays in my head and it will not remove this headache from throbbing or the clinching of my jaw or the fact I am just pissed off right now. At what? Everything. For being who I am. For allowing others to influence how I feel or dictate what I do, for allowing myself a day without work, whether that be at my job or for the things I do at home, even though I have been forced too by a headache.

It bothers me that I have spread myself so thin that I want to quit everything I’ve committed to (with one exception). It really fuck’n bothers me that I am considering publishing this post of nothing but bitching. I normally try my best to not put out ranting posts because there is plenty of that already but some days I feel as though I deserve one or two a year when in fact what exactly gives me this impression anyways?

Every thought I have comes with a contradicting thought. I feel like I am drowning in an ocean of self-pity when in fact I am in intolerable pain.. level 9 for those who would like a number, and my best bet is to go back to sleep but nothing will be accomplished by doing that either. But whatever happens today will be prevented from being accomplished by this nasty attitude and this screaming migraine. This screen is killing my light sensitive eyes.

Adding to the cesspool of shit I am currently in, my daughter has her first shot at a state title for track tomorrow and as it appears, I will not be able to attend. The event is four hours away. I took off of work for this but my migraines have a tendency to draw out over two sometimes three days. I cannot be anymore of a disappointment to her. I can’t take all of this. Not today, not today.

Revenge of Eve

So You Know – S. Y. K.

Life & Relationships, Personal Growth & Goals

It’s me again! And it’s Monday again… Booooooo! I’m back today with your friendly So You Know series and a little chit chat 🙂

Due to problems beyond my control this post will publish a day later than it was intended

Yesterday in the United States we celebrated Easter. I believe if you are Christian this holiday is universal (don’t quote me on that). Easter is my family’s favorite get together and this year’s events went wonderful! The kids enjoyed their bag’s full of goodies and the food was to die for.

Let’s roll out this week’s questions.

As with each S.Y.K. post, the guidelines first.


I like to keep it pretty simple around here so here are a few things to keep in mind while participating:

  • There are no right or wrong answers… Your answers = Your opinion = Your life
  • Answer a few or one, whatever you are comfortable with
  • Pingback to any S.Y.K. post
  • Use the hashtag #SYK to tag your post
  • Be real. If you feel a certain type of way, say it. You were asked your opinion (double dog dare ya!)

Extra info.

*A number of questions will be asked. At least 1, no more than 5.

*Questions will range in subject from cherries to prostitution.

*Participation will consist of you creating a post on your website, listing the questions and responding.

*Pingback to any SYK post

Don’t know how to create a pingback? Hit me up and I’ll tell ya how. It’s easy and everyone needs a little help here and there


Pretty easy, right? Give your readers a little insight to who you are and participate in S.Y.K every Monday!


Today’s Questions

  1. What is your favorite holiday?
  2. Are there family traditions that you continue each year?
  3. Have you started any new fun things that your family does each year as a tradition? If so, please share! (Family does not have to be by blood – close friends count too!)
  4. Do you remember how old you were when you discovered the holiday mascots (Easter bunny, Santa, etc) weren’t real? Got a story that goes along with this discovery? Share, please!
  5. Which is your least favorite holiday?

Last week’s Q’s and my A’s

  • Do you take responsibility for other people’s problems and/or emotions, unknowingly? I do and am trying to learn how not too. You can’t deny that energy exists and I pick up on people’s emotions through an energy field. This is commonly referred to as an empath. For myself, it is torcher. I cannot discern between mine and others and I go through phases where I can block from feeling others energy and phases where I cannot. As of late, I cannot. This has a bad impact on day to day life and I struggle keeping my head above water. I wake feeling a certain way and by time I have encountered two or three others, I process their feelings and make them my own. I do not feel responsible per se but I do feel it is hard to communicate if the energy is heavy.
  • When did you realize that this behavior was burdening you and stunting your growth? Was it a particular incident or did someone point it out that it isn’t your responsibility? I was told by a counselor that the way others feel about me is none of my business and it is a reflection of them, not of me. I took that and from there realized that I am not responsible for their feelings and also realized that doing so was negatively effecting me. This is when I put together the relation I have with energy and other people. Call me crazy but it isn’t anything I haven’t been called before.
  • Were you raised by giving parents or parents who gave only to throw it in your face later? I don’t think they ever gave only to throw it in my face but when it was/is convenient to apply guilt to a situation, it is definitely the go-to, ” after all I’ve done for you..”
  • Lastly, what are your opinions concerning parents being held responsible for their children’s actions? At what age are children to be held responsible for their own actions? Is this reflective of how you were raised or the opposite? In my opinion, children’s actions reflect that of their parents responses. But there is a responsibility as a parent to teach our children consequence. There is a grey area where teens are concerned because many children act on emotion. I think it is important to hold them responsible for their own actions from the moments they enter this world but as far as crimes are concerned, the laws should never bend to trial a child (17 and under) as an adult. Although the crime may be heinous, they should still be charged in the youth grouping. And as terrible as it would be to see my child suffer at the hands of another child, I am still more understanding of that verses an adult molesting a child.
  • When children act out it is because they seek attention. They find a way to make you respond and albeit negative or not, attention is attention. They are most likely to be experiencing difficult times at home or at school with their peers. Sometimes it’s hard to get kids to talk but if you watch them, you’ll discover what it is and from there it is the adults choice of how to guide them through those times. Children mimic adults and perhaps when they are acting out, we should look within ourselves and see what it is we are showing, not telling, them as their role models. My Ma was adamant when it came to respecting us as people and so I believe this to be a reflection of how I was raised. If you don’t like what you see in your child, maybe you should make some changes in your life. That’s what I had to do and it wasn’t easy but well worth it.

And that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!

What If?…

Creative & Collective

I wonder if…

I said all that came to mind,

Who my words would find.

Why am I notoriously behind?

Last in line.


Is it true that if you want something

You must let it go?

If that’s the case,

I want out of this rat race!

To live my life

At a sloths pace.


What type of being

Has no face?

A ghost?

An alien?

I wonder.

How come
our soul

Isn’t in control?

And.

Is free will

Hell?

Does time
eventually…

tell?

Without our souls,

Aren’t our bodies

Only a shell?


How come we never know if an event is traumatic,

Until it’s over?

Read that again.

Think about it.


What if…

instead of the epidermis,

We were encased in glass.

How long would you last?

Would you shatter?

To whom would it matter?


Who said, Mad Hatter?


Listen closely.

Children scream silently.

Watch them.

Most importantly,

Listen to them.

They are people too.

Who???

You!


Take a look at you.
Embrace what it is that
Is…
You.
I wonder what if
Don’t you
?

letter143-Revenge of Eve

2.28.19

Life & Relationships

Momma’s baby,

As the last day of the month long celebration of your existence draws to a close, I can’t help but to feel a sense of relief. Not because I no longer want to celebrate you yet I fumbled with finding the words to aptly describe you. Words do no justice to the impact you have had on my life. You are more than words. You are love. Or what I know to be as love.

My interpretation of love was skewed until you graced my life. It still is a bit distorted but what your love has taught me is that love is not painful. The most valuable of lessons has been the love I deserve from myself. This isn’t something you have told me rather shown me. Your mere existence represents a love that is unconditional and honest. Your display of loving yourself has taught me that it is not selfish but necessary

I surprisingly found myself grappling with words for the month. I found that none measured up or lived up to your honor. I do not put you on a pedal stool to elevate you but to thank you. Thank you for being exactly who you are because who you are has been perfect for who I shall become


Revenge of Eve

Love, Your Mother ❤