revenge of eve

6.9.19

Life & Relationships

Revenge of Eve

Having a curious mind

tends to take my thoughts

and press rewind.

Among those thoughts

are questions

without

answers.

Some of which

have consumed

years

of my life.

And

still

No answers.

Detaching from my thoughts

I find peace

Yet

brought back

to question

Where am I to muster the strength

to be

what my daughter

needs

me to be

when others break

her heart?

I have no

hope

to offer

for saying it won’t happen

again

would be a lie.

And the

thoughts

churn.

When will this world heal?

How can I protect my only

from broken others?

I can only

beg and plead

she not become

as calloused as

Me.

OMG!! I’m Not Sure I can Accept ‘Em

R.O.E. Need To Know

Exactly what the title says…

On behalf of Revenge of Eve, I would like to apologize for the unsightly ads that are being plastered across, on top, and in between paragraphs.!!!

I understand having a free site comes with less than desirable options but couldn’t they limit the horrendous display of hairy fuck’n legs advertising heart attack prescription medication?

Seriously, Word Press??? You have got to do better!!

Are you aware you have stiff competition?? While you are at #1 it doesn’t last if you continue to sneak in costs, take over someones aesthetically designed work with ads that have nothing in common with the sites purpose – Not much else for me to say except I apologize to my followers for not managing my finances well but as you know, I am a work in progress.
Revenge of Eve

R.O.E. 411

R.O.E. Need To Know

Last month I thought my WordPress plan was set to renew but that is only done when you have a card on file. My plan wasn’t due to expire until the 30th of May and while I had the money to renew last month, I decided not too for a few reasons.

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  • I am unsure of which plan will best suit my needs for the next twelve months
  • I have not decided on my set plan of attack for selling my memory keeping journals and journaling packets
  • I haven’t weighed my options about the benefits of having a paid for plan verses a free site considering I do not have a plan mapped out for selling things online
  • I have missed too much work to invest in something without seeing a return immediately
  • My only fret is that my design layout will be affected and I am not so certain I will invest the time to get it how I want it due to when I do decide having to invest the time on the new site
  • I have stepped back from blogging and reading blogs daily to avoid burnout
  • My personal life needs attention
  • The domain remains mine because it was purchased separately and at a later date from the plan so I do not fear the loss of it
  • I want to be more intentional with all I do from here on out
  • Direction, routine, and scheduling are things high on my short list of priorities and sticking to them is my biggest priority
  • A free site is suitable for the time being and forces me to establish an action plan in regards to my desires to work from home
  • I am unsure if I want to air my personal life in the same space I want to develop a professional relationship with customers
  • I may use a free site for personal and launch a professional site using a paid for site…the problem there lies not being able to transfer my following to my business site but having my followers on my free site allows them the choice to follow if my business is targeted at their individual interests
  • I’ve attempted operating two sites before and one suffered and the other never quite took off but in comparison to beginning my first site, it did well
  • I do not want to abandon my R.O.E. as my web persona but I also want to be respected professionaly
  • I have no clue what direction I want to go in professionally speaking
  • I am working on a few projects so my time is limited

Did I say a few reasons? Lol… It’s more than a few and I need more time to sort things out. The purpose of this post was to a. receive feedback and suggestions from my loyal followers b. to have my thoughts/questions/concerns listed out for reference c. to inform y’all that the overall design of R.O.E. is soon to change due to the fact that final decisions have not been made. Free themes are limited to chose from and if I am honest, I’m not pressuring myself to invest the time it takes to design a website without knowing my next move. If you have any insight into the operations of the WordPress business plan, Etsy, or Shopify please let me know your experience in the comments. Or do you use a self-hosted platform? If so, how much behind the scenes work is required? It is difficult and much more time consuming? Any feedback is great feedback!!

Revenge of Eve
A New Rainy Day-Revenge of Eve

A New Rainy Day

Mental Health & Recovery

Today has started

Today I have woke in a significantly better space. My sleep was a bit restless as I tossed and turned. An idea came to mind about creating a canvass and that idea kept me thinking about my own experience. Not an experience that I wanted to keep me awake, I will say that. One of being molested at the age of fourteen. I was a willing participant in the act but I can’t help but to think of how sick the 32 year old man was/is. Although I was willing how can a man for one minute believe that a fourteen year old knows what she is doing when it comes to sex and the activities that it involves. It is disturbing to say the least. Disturbing that I thought it was cool that a man of his age would want anything to do with a young teen and more disgusting that he did.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever disclosed this information but the weight of it felt extremely heavy last night and so, I decided if I hadn’t wrote about it, I would. The man is my step-uncles twin brother. Gross, right? I will not allow this to consume my thoughts today but I will tell y’all the idea I had. In the world of creative journaling, tabs are a big deal. Tabs? You ask. The tabs that stick out to make it easier to find a specific section, rather the tabs I reference are for decoration purposes.

These tabs can be made of sturdy cardstock, cardboard, fabric, anything you can staple to the side of the paper to make it easier to access a specific page. Well, for one reason or another, I thought it would a neat idea to have those who have been molested, willing or not, make a tab that represents the act they wish to forget. The tabs would be mailed to me and I will staple them to a thin canvass, creating a piece of art that collectively has been created from victims across the globe. Once the canvass is full, it could be auctioned off with 100% of the proceeds to victims of molestation. Let me know what you think of this idea. I will provide photos of what I mean when I say a tab, below.

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This isn’t to distract from me as much as it is to get out of pity. Let me know what you think of the idea. If it so happens you experienced such acts more than once, make tabs for each occasion. The tabs do not have to be pretty. They can be torn, wrinkled, ink-stained, whatever your idea is, I support. If there is an interest, we can do this together. I’m sure I could scan an outline of a tab for those who would prefer there to be a guide. If you wanted to write your abusers initials on the tab, do so. My hope is that this will help with letting the act(s) go.

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**Post update: I will purchase a post office box soon and will publish a post with the address for those interested. This can be an anonymous participation. I will not attach any personal information to the piece of canvass related to the tabs.

revenge of eve

5.5.19

Mental Health & Recovery
revenge of eve

It’s coming soon

It’d be easier if I let it

But you see

That’s the problem.

I have some control

And give me any,

I take it all

by

holding shit up.

Why can’t I just let things

just be.

And go naturally.

Just be,

Candace Lynne,

Just

Be.

Letter143-Revenge of Eve

4.27.19

Personal Growth & Goals
revenge of eve

Today

I’m on one

In a mood

High strung

Pumped

Sensory overload

Discombobulated

Focus

I say

out loud

throughout the day

My body temperature is higher than normal

Outside the sun shines and a fragrant breeze blows

Just yesterday I was on the

other side

As i learn

to breathe,

I set aside my pride

Shutting down the chatter

Because…

Only this moment

Matter.

On Awakening (I pathetically beg you to read)

Mental Health & Recovery, Personal Growth & Goals

The Shift

I must let it be known to anyone who is ready for an awakening within themselves or the world, it’s happening in me and it is painful! If you are on a spiritual journey of any kind you have most likely heard of Eckard Tolle and if you haven’t heard of him, you have got to look him up!!

(Click his name above to be directed and discover the purpose of his foundation)


2019

I claimed 2019 to be the year of self-discovery and I had NO idea what I was in for! None, zilch, notta. The pessimist in me prepares for the worse but the journey I am being led down has me experiencing a hurt for the world in our current state of existence. The suffering and pain I am feeling may prove too much to bear.

My assumption was that I would experience sadness from revisiting painful moments that I never allowed myself to fully feel yet I am feeling so much more. Everything I was taught and all I thought about life is being challenged by the spiritual teachings of Eckard Tolle. And I don’t mean challenged as in an argument, I mean for the greater good. The weight of emotions I am feeling I attribute to the pain and suffering being experienced as a collective whole.

At this point, I don’t care if I sound crazy, I have to share so others have the opportunity to tune in. For those who question any belief outside of religion and even those who do not, anyone soul searching, agnostics, atheists, average folks…everyone!! This information is for US and it is in your best interest to take advantage of being taught about the shift happening. It is hard to conceptualize the extent to which things are discussed but I feel his words with every fiber of my being. You will too. Just listen. Don’t think, don’t resist, don’t judge, but don’t say I don’t warn you about the difficult realizations you will have.

This isn’t a scam to get you to follow a person and his beliefs, this is the way back to our true selves. He goes in depth about ego, our idea of God, our brains, our consciousness, and more. You don’t have to be intelligent or rich or white or any of that bullshit for this information to impact you.

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Stop making that face! Have faith!

This isn’t some new modern shit that will fade away rather a shift that must happen in order for us as a species to continue moving forward and it’s happening whether we like it or not.

People use the term millennial to disguise the first generation the shift has impacted in a blanketed fashion. Older generations are doubtful because it puts everything they were taught and taught in the spotlight as wrong (language..more on that) but this isn’t about being right or wrong, this is about healing as a whole. Believe me, I’m the last one to advocate for our species because in my opinion, we are fucked and we did it to ourselves. This approach is much kinder.

There are no fees, no membership, and no, it isn’t witchcraft or a cult nor is it a belief system that threatens you to flames, condemning you to hell on the basis of decision. This is a legit explanation, to the extent, our minds can conceptualize, as far as our existence in the human form is concerned.

Naturally, some will want to challenge this notion but the catch is your words may spew challenges but if you live by this teaching, there is no denying the truth behind it. Not one person can do as suggested and prove error.

That’s a bold statement especially for someone like myself. I don’t just believe what I am told. I am doer, a leader, and a woman who has experienced pain and grief to the extent of losing my sanity.

Adaptation

We developed words to guide us in communicating and somewhere along these lines we began to use these words to define who we are, what we are supposed to do according to these roles, and that’s where we went wrong. The language of love is all we need and because of a language we developed, we couldn’t be any further from our original being. We use words and labels to define our surrounding and in terms of what’s right and what is wrong, this is right. How do I know? I don’t know. It’s a feeling. I’ve never felt so right in my life. Another huge statement!

I am using terms we are familiar with that describe what it is that is happening within me. I am not saying you are wrong in your beliefs. I am speaking from my perspective but I challenge you to make it yours. Process it how you will but take the action it takes to implement the suggestions.

What really convinces me of this theory is the fact there is no insult to other opinions in order to put emphasis on this way of operating. There are no side effects other than tears and a bit of confusion but compared to the ones Big Pharma would have us all on, that’s nothing!! And these are second to the feelings I have about this….and you all know, I NEVER TRUST MYSELF. My intuition has spiked off the charts as though my inner child is pushing me to be set free. If I’ve never trusted myself before, I do now.

Normally I would be hesitant to share anything that goes against the grain and this doesn’t even do that!!! All you are required to do is be present, sit with your emotions as they occur, and move on with the next minute. Don’t get me wrong, those simple ideas are hard to do when our world screams instant, now, immediate, fix, cure, solve and even better…the promise of happiness. Never one time does he use words to make promises or glorify the end result. Why? Because it speaks for itself.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice I require used to require words for others to understand me and I revoke each and every time I thought or said so. I do not need to be defined. I am. It is our very words that are causing us to melt. This makes total sense of the decline in mental health.

As I explore the present moment I truly realize it is all we have. Saying so and knowing so are two different things. My journey has only begun but I have hope whereas I hadn’t prior to discovering Eckard Tolle. I share this information with y’all because I know we all struggle most especially within the mental health community and I will promote this until my last breath.

I share because I care! Give it a chance…you have nothing to lose!! And if you do, make sure you pass on what his teachings have done for you.

Revenge of Eve

Ps. When you read or listen to the teaching PLEASE pingback to this post or email me and let me know you have done so…I would LOVE to hear what it does for others. If you have Spotify you can be taught this on Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast. The name of the episodes is called A New Earth. There are 10 episodes each an hour long. Use the hashtag #daretoshare

Revenge of Eve

The Process of Journaling and Its Benefits

Personal Growth & Goals

The Process of Journaling and its Benefits

“Writing in a journal reminds you of your goals and of your learning in life. It offers a place where you can hold a deliberate, thoughtful conversation with yourself.” – Robin S. Sharma

Some may easily confuse the concepts of diary writing and journaling.  Diary writing is when you record the events of the day whereas journaling can lend itself as a therapeutic tool that explores the thoughts and feelings surrounding the events in your life.  Like any habit, journaling has to become routine in order to reap the benefits.

It takes patience and practice to establish a rhythm. In order for it to be productive, in striving for mental balance, it must be effective journaling.  What is effective journaling?  It is journaling that helps you meet your goals or improves your quality of life.  Writing down your feelings helps you to connect your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and it acts as a buffer for reducing the symptoms of mental illness.

We will explore the benefits of journaling for mental health, tailoring the process to get the most from journaling, ending with referenced statements from those of authority.

Tailor the process

Keep in mind there is no right or wrong method of journaling.  It is an individual process meant to connect oneself with their emotions.  While some can journal on the go, others may require a quiet, soothing environment.  Journaling is a personal preference experience that you must tailor to fit your needs.  It may take time to discover your journaling style but once you find it, you feel it. The ways of journaling are limitless!

 If you cannot think of what to write about you can scour the internet for prompts, you can use your journal as a creative space to explore your feelings or do a mixture of the two.  It is all up to you on how the process looks but it is important to allow it to be a healthy way of self-expression.

Journaling, for me, is a setting.  In order for me to lose myself in my journal, I must achieve a level of comfort which I find in seclusion.  My surrounding must be relaxing and quiet with no distractions. It is also a mood for me. I find I best describe my experiences with depression.  I do not prefer this to be my mood but it is when writing my feelings becomes most effective in a healing aspect.

The most difficult idea to surpass is the invasion of privacy.  Writing your most intimate thoughts down leaves you vulnerable and the fear of someone discovering our deepest thoughts is paralyzing.  While I cannot guarantee privacy I can guarantee you will benefit from the practice of journaling.

From my own traumatic experience, I will say this… reading someone else’s personal writings is disrespectful and none of your business.  There is always a debatable reason when it comes to the privacy of your child but this is not the case today. Reading the raw emotions of another without their permission should be prohibited as a common human law.  Doing so crosses boundaries and ruins trust and with me, friendships.  The only time it is ok is when the person is deceased.

How do you tailor it?

You may not know where to begin in your journaling journey and thank goodness I came prepared.  

  • I recommend first purchasing a book that you designate as your journal.  This can be a notebook or a journal book that you buy from the book store.
  • Second I choose a pen or pencil depending on my mood. Ideally, this would be the only tool I use but it never works out that way.
  • Next is the part you must figure out.  Your setting. I recommend trying all different kinds of places.  The library, the park, in the woods, on the bus on your way to work or in your room.  Do you allow yourself to be free with music? If so, play music.

For myself, I carry a travel notebook with an insert dedicated to thoughts.  Throughout the day, if I am needing to get things out of my head, I will jot down words that reference what I am dealing with at the moment and later I use these words to guide a journal entry.

 This works well for me and enables me to remember what I was feeling in the moment otherwise I may forget. It took me a while to figure out what works best for me. I am easily distracted and find it difficult to think in depth when the environment is noisy.  Using the travel notebook allows me to document on the go yet journal at home.

  • Finally, decide the direction you desire and remember you can change it up at any time because it is your space.  I recommend following prompts until you reach a point when you feel you get the gist of choosing a topic.
  • Last, write.  Make sure to take note of how the process makes you feel.

Take note of how the process makes you feel.  If you do not feel confident, that comes with practice but if you do not feel comfortable evaluate your environment.  Change whatever it is that doesn’t suit your needs.

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Journaling Guide

Journaling for mental health benefits looks different from “just journaling”.  The subject of mental health encompasses a wide range of disorders. These disorders are accompanied by symptoms that hinder the way we approach life while some debilitate us.  Journaling to receive benefits works best when following a specific method. Many times your counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist may recommend a particular method of journaling to enhance your results.

Now let’s break it down further to discuss more specific areas that effective journaling can act as a therapeutic tool.  Depression, anxiety, stress management, PTSD, and substance abuse recovery have shown impressive results from writing your thoughts regarding current or past events.  

This is not a substitute for receiving professional help.  It is merely a tool used to help alleviate the symptoms experienced from mental illness often suggested by a professional.  

Below you will find statements in regard to specific mental instabilities and how journaling can be used as an effective tool.  

Depression

  • Expressive writing can reduce symptoms of depression in women who are struggling with the aftermath of intimate partner violence (Koopman, Ismailji, Holmes, Classen, Palesh, & Wales, 2005).
  • Writing in a journal may also be as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for reducing symptoms of depression in high-risk adolescents (Stice, Burton, Bearman, & Rohde, 2006).
  • Expressive journaling may not reduce the frequency of intrusive thoughts in depressed individuals, but it moderates their impact on depressive symptoms, leading to a reduction in symptoms (Lepore, 1997).
  • Journaling can help college students who are vulnerable to depression reduce their brooding and rumination, two contributing factors of depressive symptoms (Gortner, Rude, & Pennebaker, 2006).
  • In general, people diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder reported significantly lower depression scores after three days of expressive writing, 20 minutes per day (Krpan, Kross, Berman, Deldin, Askren, & Jonides, 2013).

Anxiety

Writing in a journal can positively impact your anxiety through:

  • Calming and clearing your mind.
  • Releasing pent-up feelings and everyday stress.
  • Letting go of negative thoughts.
  • Exploring your experiences with anxiety.
  • Writing about your struggles and your successes.
  • Enhancing your self-awareness and teaching you about your triggers.
  • Track your progress as you undergo treatment (Star, 2018).

Through mechanisms like those listed above, journaling has been shown to:

  • Reduce anxiety in patients with multiple sclerosis (Hasanzadeh, Khoshknab, & Norozi, 2012).
  • Reduce physical symptoms, health problems, and anxiety in women (LaClaire, 2008).
  • Help students manage their stress and anxiety and improve their engagement and enhance meaning found in the classroom (Flinchbaugh, Moore, Chang, & May 2012).

Stress Management

Keeping a journal can help you fully explore your emotions, release tension, and fully integrate your experiences into your mind (Scott, 2018). Further, it can help you work on reducing specific sources of stress or aid you in reaching an important goal (perhaps reducing your overall stress?).

  • Decreasing symptoms of various health conditions
  • Improving your cognitive functioning.
  • Strengthening your immune system.
  • Examining your thoughts and shifting your perspective.
  • Reducing rumination and promoting action.
  • Planning out your options and considering multiple outcomes of a situation (Scott, 2018).

PTSD

It’s hypothesized that writing works to enhance our mental health through guiding us towards confronting previously inhibited emotions (reducing the stress from inhibition), helping us process difficult events and compose a coherent narrative about our experiences, and possibly even through repeated exposure to the negative emotions associated with traumatic memories (i.e., “extinction” of these negative emotions; Baikie & Wilhelm, 2005).

In order for it to have a positive effect on our mental health, we must journal with purpose.  Baikie & Wilhelm suggest the following:

  1. Write in a private and personalized space that is free from distractions.
  2. Write at least three or four times, and aim for writing consecutively (i.e., at least once each day).
  3. Give yourself some time to reflect and balance yourself after writing.
  4. If you’re writing to overcome trauma, don’t feel obligated to write about a specific traumatic event—journal about what feels right in the moment.
  5. Structure the writing, however, feels right to you.
  6. Keep your journal private; it’s for your eyes only—not your spouse, not your family, not your friends, not even your therapist (although you can discuss your experience with your therapist, of course!).
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Kate Spade – mental health awareness

Another good set of guidelines on effective journaling can be found on the Center for Journal Therapy website. When you journal, remember the simple acronym: WRITE!

  • W – What do you want to write about? Think about what is going on in your life, your current thoughts and feelings, what you’re striving towards or trying to avoid right now. Give it a name and put it all on paper.
  • R – Review or reflect on it. Take a few moments to be still, calm your breath, and focus. A little mindfulness or meditation could help in this step. Try to start sentences with “I” statements like “I feel…”, “I want…”, and “I think…” Also, try to keep them in the present tense, with sentence stems like “Today…”, “Right now…”, or “In this moment…”
  • I – Investigate your thoughts and feelings through your writing. Just keep going! If you feel you have run out of things to write or your mind starts to wander, take a moment to refocus (another opportunity for mindfulness meditation!), read over what you have just written, and continue on.
  • T – Time yourself to ensure that you write for at least 5 minutes (or whatever your current goal is). Write down your start time and the projected end time based on your goal at the top of your page. Set a timer or alarm to go off when the time period you have set it up.
  • E – Exit strategically and with introspection. Read what you have written and take a moment to reflect on it. Sum up your takeaway in one or two sentences, starting with statements like “As I read this, I notice…”, “I’m aware of…”, or “I feel…” If you have any action items or steps you would like to take next, write them down now (Adams, n.d.).

The above is a great way to guide yourself through the act of journaling.  It eliminates any doubts you may have about the process.

“Whether you’re keeping a journal or writing as a meditation, it’s the same thing. What’s important is you’re having a relationship with your mind.” – Natalie Goldberg

Recovery

Last but not least, what effects does journaling have on recovery?

If you are suffering in the aftermath of a traumatic event, journaling can help you find the good in life. It can even help you see the positive side of experiencing the trauma, which helps reduce the severe symptoms that can accompany trauma (Ullrich & Lutgendorf, 2002).

If you are grappling with an eating disorder, journal writing can be a huge source of relief and healing. Keeping a journal can help you stop distancing yourself from your issues, encourage you to confront your problems head-on, and reduce the obsessive component of your disorder (Rabinor, 1991).

If you are struggling with a debilitating psychiatric condition, journaling can help you get your thoughts down on paper and stop ruminating and worrying over them. This can free up your mind to manage your emotions and cope with stress that could trigger a relapse (Provencher, Gregg, Mead, & Mueser, 2002).

If the recovery you seek is for the death of a loved one, one of the most traumatic and heartbreaking events of all, journaling can help with that as well. Writing can give you a chance to process your enormous loss and reduce the most severe symptoms of grief. This has been proven to be especially effective for children dealing with bereavement (Kalantari, Yule, Dyregrov, Neshat Doost, & Ahmadi, 2012).

However, the recovery that journaling can have the biggest impact on is recovery from addiction. If you’re struggling to overcome an addiction, journaling can help you record your struggles and your accomplishments, hold yourself accountable and allow you an opportunity to work through difficult thoughts and emotions in a healthy manner (Milios, 2015).

Writing our thoughts, feelings, and actions down in a journal allows us to craft and maintain our sense of self and solidifies our identity. It helps us reflect on our experiences and discover our authentic self. Keeping a journal can give you a chance to create and consider the narrative of your life, with all of the choices you have made and the memories that make you who you are today. In a word, the benefits of journaling on recovery is “cathartic” (New Roads Treatment, 2017).  


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I found Positive Psychology Program a great resource for all things motivational to living a well -balanced life.  I garnered a lot of useful information from this one source and highly recommend this site to anyone who is in search of practical tools to implement in their daily lives.

What the future has in store for us is unknown but what we can do is choose healthy coping mechanisms to deal with current and past events.  Doing so increases our chances of having carved our own path towards a better future. We cannot change our past from bad decisions or involuntary acts but we do have some control over how our future looks.

Journaling is a process that familiarizes us with who we are.  When we know who we are we can successfully share our wisdom with younger generations.  The benefits of journaling far outweigh the possibility of failure. Self-awareness holds you responsible and accountable and gaining this through journaling will improve your decision-making skills, overall mental wellness and assist in your recovery.  


So? What are you waiting for?? Grab a journal today!!

Do you journal? How has it impacted your mental health?

What If?…

Creative & Collective

I wonder if…

I said all that came to mind,

Who my words would find.

Why am I notoriously behind?

Last in line.


Is it true that if you want something

You must let it go?

If that’s the case,

I want out of this rat race!

To live my life

At a sloths pace.


What type of being

Has no face?

A ghost?

An alien?

I wonder.

How come
our soul

Isn’t in control?

And.

Is free will

Hell?

Does time
eventually…

tell?

Without our souls,

Aren’t our bodies

Only a shell?


How come we never know if an event is traumatic,

Until it’s over?

Read that again.

Think about it.


What if…

instead of the epidermis,

We were encased in glass.

How long would you last?

Would you shatter?

To whom would it matter?


Who said, Mad Hatter?


Listen closely.

Children scream silently.

Watch them.

Most importantly,

Listen to them.

They are people too.

Who???

You!


Take a look at you.
Embrace what it is that
Is…
You.
I wonder what if
Don’t you
?