I sit in solid darkness.
My phone light reflecting off my face.
A campfire to my right, my child in the tent to my left (when I’m outside of the tent), an industrial fan that sit on top a plastic box care of Circle K (common gas station), a waterfall directly behind my right ear, and crickets inside my head. This is the sounds that soothe me.
Lightening bugs flicker everywhere.
Whispers are heard over the insect sounds.
Teens chuckle as the river flow make a faint crisp sound.
I am in heaven.
Tomorrow, I’ll be in extascy floating on a tube drifting in and out, gazing at cloud patterns, cold, clear, clean water under my ass.
Turtles popping up as fish scurry to the top. Do fish scurry?
Anyways. I feel at peace.
Yes, I am still using technology but it is because everyone else is already asleep. And I did all the damn work!!
Jus kid’n, the 3 of them contributed 25% total. 😂 but I love them still the same. 💟
Oh, yeah. I came here to let some shit go and I’m gonna do just that.
As of this moment, I am in mini vacay mode and omg, does it feel…like, a panicky-calm. I know. I know.
But it’s true. I panic because I am waiting for the day I just say, “I’m not going back”. The day where I give into my dream of camping through life. Living rugged. Earthy. Outside. Weathered.
But inspired everyday from what my senses feel around me.
While I am a fiery force to deal with I am a country girl at heart. Not a cow girl. I am a nature lover. I could ditch every form of communication and live like a frontier person. Yeah, it’d take some getting used too but I know I’d be more fulfilled than I am currently.
It seems when things become instant, gratitude goes out the window.
We are experiencing temperatures that we haven’t experienced in over 100 years. Today is as magnificent as any day to be grateful.
I am having complete thoughts.
Hot mess express today folks!! 😂😂
I kinda don’t know what to think about that.
I’m in the mood to say some shit people don’t say. That usually makes for an interesting day. If you’re a man, avoid me (my bad fellas).
And while this transition may be painful I’ve realized where the struggle lies. I am letting go of the me I built to protect myself, the only me I know. I am learning to control myself. Not the things around me.
Call it 40, or whatever you’d like but I know for me, it’s awkward as fuck. I don’t know if you realize what I just said in that first paragraph but that shit is A LOT
I am ashamed to be myself and that is the damage done by my father wanting me to be someone I’m not. These revelations are coming to me in waves. And guess what?? I’m not drowning. Maybe I’m floating but so what, I’m aware, learning, growing and giving. I don’t want to resort to being a cold-hearted bitch because that’s not me so I’ve decided to do for those who are unable to do for themselves. Help them to believe in themselves. Give those a chance that others dispose of. I will prevail from this darkness a stronger person than I went in and when I do, I will be ready to be used as the vessel I chose to be.
For the record, I didn’t feel like that was me speaking but with confidence I publish this post. Not as a warning but as a prediction.
Tonight I will lay my head for sleep in peace. I have shown acts of kindness that I once thought I was robbed of. I allowed someones emergency to be more important than mine and most importantly, I have been kind to myself. Nervous. But kind.
Coming into oneself isn’t done so without a battle. You have to fight for who you know you are or have the potential to be. Don’t allow someone to project their fears onto you. That is not you. That is them. And never shame yourself for the choices you have made. You made those because simply those were the best choice of your options.
Continue to be kind to yourself Candace Lynne. You have a lot to offer.
Well, we had a two slip draw and I figured we could add a bonus gift to the third leg drawn!! How about that?
The winner of Day Two of 2 days of giveaway is,
and the bonus prize package winner is
Casey, I will gather you some things and ship ’em your way!
Meg, I hope you enjoy your winnings from Day Two of 2 days of giveaway!! Please email me a shipping address for receiving your packages. All packages will be mailed August 15, 2019.
If you have followed R.O.E
For any length of time, you know my intentions are pure but my planning abilities, need some work. It’s evident I had Day One all nicely planned and ready to go. Day Two, not so much. 😂 but because I have time from now until shipment day, I can add as much stuff as I want to the packages 🙂 And I have a surprise for yall when the winner is announced. Whoop, whoop😂
So, until then…
I will photograph the final outgoing packages so everyone gets a looksie.