5.6.19

I’m done with role play.

Either accept me

Or walk away.

I will no longer coddle

Or cater

And say,

I’m sorry,

later.

I am setting

And

Respecting this boundary

And if you take this personal,

That’s on you.

I hate to sound

Like a cold-hearted

Bitch.

No longer will I claim

Bipolar, alcoholic, introvert,

addict, …bitch,

….I could go on

But instead, I

will move forward.

With or without you

that’s up to you.


I am just a girl

Who wants to

be…

herself.

To…

Believe in herself.

I Chose Life

Today I was on the verge.

The verge of suicide.

I wrote my note.

I looked for the gun –

It wasn’t there.

Luck?

I’ll never know.

It was the calmest I’ve been in a while and even I commented such, out loud.

My guardians, I called upon.

One by name.

A decision was made

No bother to reach out.

Attention is all that would stand to gain.

I sent my I Love You’s to the four that matter.

None of this fuck’n matters

Replays over and over in my head.

The realization that I’ve played a role, one assigned to me, is a harsh reality.

Why wouldn’t they give me a glamorous one?

There is no time for blame.

Ironically, those who ask

What’s wrong

are the ones that aren’t ready to see their part in your shame.

Expectations to be a no-body carries a weight.

One that I must shake,

For my life is at stake.


So You Know

So You Know

S.Y.K. gives an insider look at our personal opinions about everyday life. It challenges us to speak our opinion when asked because half the time, we aren’t even asked yet we vomit it up (eeeewwwwee) 🙂 The questions asked are random questions usually prompted by things I see occurring often or things that keep showing up in my life. To answer them is not to debate them rather participate and… well, share your opinion on certain subjects.

So You Know
So You Know

Never participated?? No problemo. Simple and easy to follow instructions————- answer the questions!! I’m a bit of a smartass today, aren’t I? But seriously…


Create a post on your site answering the following questions OR post your answers in the comments. If you publish a post, pingback to any S.Y.K post. Badabingbadabom! And that’s it folks…

As for my answers, I post them with the new set of questions, the following week, except last week we didn’t do S.Y.K. because I had stuff going on-my bad and I posted about stationery so, yeah.


  • How was your weekend? Honestly.
  • Describe the clothes you are wearing now. Is this your normal Monday attire?
  • Do you work a 9-5 job?
  • Who do you look like, your Ma or your dad?

Now if this is your first go-round of S.Y.K., don’t let this week’s questions fool you. We normally get pretty deep or I do…bahahahaha

Thanks for dropping by and please, say hi. Have a wonderful Monday and if you are struggling, always know I am struggling (mentally) more 😦 Jk…know that I love you 😉

Revenge of Eve

5.3.19

Trying

I am trying not to beat myself up over the fact that much of what I wanted to accomplish this year is not happening. In my best attempt to remain optimistic about the future while not focusing on the future, I am struggling. Reality is setting in today as I sit here suffering from an extreme migraine.

I was forced to call out of work today due to a migraine and ever since waking, I have spiraled downward at a rate of speed that is not controllable. I feel like some most days I am pretending. Pretending that everything is ok when in fact, it is not. Yes I have listened to a life changing podcast but that does not erase 40 years of unhealthy coping skills. It does not undo the negative self-talk that repeatedly plays in my head and it will not remove this headache from throbbing or the clinching of my jaw or the fact I am just pissed off right now. At what? Everything. For being who I am. For allowing others to influence how I feel or dictate what I do, for allowing myself a day without work, whether that be at my job or for the things I do at home, even though I have been forced too by a headache.

It bothers me that I have spread myself so thin that I want to quit everything I’ve committed to (with one exception). It really fuck’n bothers me that I am considering publishing this post of nothing but bitching. I normally try my best to not put out ranting posts because there is plenty of that already but some days I feel as though I deserve one or two a year when in fact what exactly gives me this impression anyways?

Every thought I have comes with a contradicting thought. I feel like I am drowning in an ocean of self-pity when in fact I am in intolerable pain.. level 9 for those who would like a number, and my best bet is to go back to sleep but nothing will be accomplished by doing that either. But whatever happens today will be prevented from being accomplished by this nasty attitude and this screaming migraine. This screen is killing my light sensitive eyes.

Adding to the cesspool of shit I am currently in, my daughter has her first shot at a state title for track tomorrow and as it appears, I will not be able to attend. The event is four hours away. I took off of work for this but my migraines have a tendency to draw out over two sometimes three days. I cannot be anymore of a disappointment to her. I can’t take all of this. Not today, not today.

It’s World Stationery Day!

What kind of #stationeryaddict would I be if I didn’t celebrate #worldstationeryday?

If I had my own brick and mortar store I would celebrate the day surrounded by beautiful stationery…

OH wait!!

I do that already!!

Revenge of Eve

Thoughts of the Future

The infamous Stationery Show in London gives me #goals. I hope to (one day) walk around and feel the different textures of paper, see the new product lines of my favorite stationery designers, and most of all to stock up on more notebooks!! (Of course, after I achieve what I have set out over the next five years).

My love for stationery overflows into desk accessories and I’ve never worked at a desk in my life😂. But if I did…you can bet it would be the prettiest, cleanest white and gold desk you’ve ever seen. I vision it now:

A gold stapler

A 24karat gold block as my paperweight.

All white pens, pencils, and notebook covers. I would throw in a few gold pens.

Gold paper clips. Jumbo to a mini in size.

My charging port area would be set up with a huge comfy gold, leather, oversized chair adorned with a white sequence pillow and a fluffy white, long pillow.

The chargers and cords would be gold and my laptop alternating gold and white stripes.

My office chair would be a metallic gold while my desk, a crisp white.

Pictures hanging throughout the space that is simple and singular in design.

Everywhere gold and white intricate frames, some small and some big. No pics occupy the frames. Instead, beautiful papers that deserve to be framed.

I would have an adjacent desk that is black with gold drawer pulls and white front faced drawers. There would be something white and abstract that displays an art form on my desk.

…….

No, I’ve never thought about what my office would look like 😂😂😂


Do You have a desk job? Is your desk a mess or nice and organized? If you have an office, share with me how it is decorated. I would love to hear about it!!


I started a post about yesterdays # put I didn’t finish it because… who the hell knows why but I didn’t. This post is being published a bit later than my normal but what the hell? It’s all good in tha hood.

Revenge of Eve

#penandpencils

I will share with you my favorite brand of pen and that is Sigma Micron micro pigmented artists pens. These pricey archival ink pens are worth every cent. The words you string together will be forever when using them. Each time I write something I want to last, in terms of actual documenting, I use these to ensure the life of my words live on.

Do you have a favorite brand of pen or do you use a particular ink tip?

I hope today brought smiles and laughter in your lives and for tomorrow,

I’ll deal with that when it gets here.

Ta-ta,

#PaperChaseLovesList: NatStatWeek: Day One

#PaperChaseLovesList

Today’s hashtag is a mouthful! From the website National Stationery Week dot com, today’s challenge is sponsored by Paper Chase –

Paperchase is the UK’s number 1 shopping spot for exciting and innovative design-led stationery. For over 50 years we’ve inspired with stylish stationery, unique greeting cards, distinctive gifts as well as quality art and craft materials.”


Challenge

From a top ten of the UK’s favourite crisps to your simple task list on a Monday morning, Paperchase loves writing lists – especially with the store’s selection of creative, colourful, crafty and premium notebooks.

They say that your notebook is an extension of yourself and, with so many notebooks available, you can display your personality through the pad in which you take your every day notes.

Partnered with a perfect pen, your lists can be beautiful, bulletted or bold.

Paperchase will be creating lists of their favourite lists – including stationery – during National Stationery Week and will be encouraging stationery addicts to do exactly the same!


My Five Favorite Notebooks

Choosing five of your favorite notebooks may seem a simple tasks to you but when you are a #stationeryaddict like me, it is next to impossible to do.

I decided to choose ones based on a variety of reasons. One was chosen for its aesthetics and surprisingly great paper, another is my most expensive notebook to date. But enough of the spoiler!! Let’s have show and tell!

The first notebook has been in my collection for about two years now and of all of my notebooks, 20+, this one is my favorite all around. The subtle grey lines that rule the paper are perfect for a clean look. The durable cover is what sold me on this spiral beauty. Speaking of spiral, the coil is gold and I love me some gold!!!

Character and trend art are not really my thing but I couldn’t resist this magical unicorn. The charm and gold and the quality sold me instantly. The icing on top of this deal was the price tag. I paid under $10 for it! Gotta love T.J. Maxx. I’ve not seen another but if I do, I will scoop it up! The company who made my #1 notebook is Mara-Mi and the line is Zoomerang. I’ve not found any others in this line but would enjoy seeing what other mystical creatures make up the zoo.

Top: #1 fave Bottom: geometric design

The next one I chose I did so for the geometric design. Another notebook made with a durable cover and there is something different about the type of paper used. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I want to say it is smooth to the touch. The only thing that I do not care about is the weight of the paper. It is on the thin side which allows for the ink to be seen on the back of the page. I refuse to use the backside of paper if there is bleed through.

Pictured above are two notepads and I decided two of those would equal a notebook and it adds variety. The teal spiral pad with a C on it was purchased around Christmas time from Stage for $10. It was on sale for 50% off (originally $20) and I would buy it a million times over. I wish every notebook I owned had the kind of paper this notepad does. It has a grit to it. Like grain feel and it is thick without allowing ink to bleed through.

The other small notepad pictured is designed to look like that of a waitress pad. It is a to-do list with thick sheets of tear off paper.

Left: Clairefontaine Right: Write Notebook

The flimsy looking notebook on the left is my Clairefontaine Seyes-ruled notebook ordered from France, literally. When i decided to step up my stationery game, this is the first notebook I purchased.

I am not a fan of the cover so much. It doesn’t seem as durable as I prefer but I have never put it to the test. The paper is amazing!! Seyes-ruled pages is this company’s legacy. The faint shade of purple grid-like lines has been used in schools across France for many years. I have previously written a review of these two notebooks which I published on NYAC.

The notebook on the right is manufactured in the United States by a school bookbinding company named Write. This notebook has a sturdy kraft cover that comes from the series of New York Burroughs.

The red band that acts as its closure is an actual rubberband that is completely removable. I like the originality behind that and find it to be a great way of branding. This notebook is the most and only masculine notebook that I own. I prefer the more frilly and full out girl designs.

Other notebook talk

There is a thing about the ruling of paper that I am picky particular about and that is the ruling. Dot and grid paper seem to be all the rage today and I must admit, college ruling is where it’s at. I have discovered I like the lighter shades of grey or blue for the color of the lines but sometimes that isn’t an option. The ideal ruling color would be the light purple Clairefontaine offers but we haven’t got there yet in the stationery world. Plus this may not be the preferred color of many but it is mine and that’s who we are talking about today!! Lol

Before we go, I want to touch on the thickness and texture of the paper I choose. I use marker pens and if they bled through I am left with half of the pages. I refuse to write on the back of a page where you can see other writing. I equate thin to cheap and that isn’t the case when considering Japanese paper products but that is a whole ‘nother level of stationery. The texture I like is a smooth surface unless I am using a pencil and the I choose a rougher texture of paper.


That about sums it up for my favorite notebook talk. I hope to participate in this week of stationery hashtags but sometimes, a lot of times, life is busy. I didn’t plan as well as I should have to say that I will but I can say that I will try!

How about you? Do you have any particulars about notebooks or paper that you must have or things that you refuse to use? Do you love stationery like I do? Am I crazy? Don’t answer that one!! Have a great day everyone!!

Revenge of Eve