Ground Zero-Revenge of Eve

Ground Zero

Mental Health & Recovery, Personal Growth & Goals

An inventory of where I stand mentally, financially, and spiritually going into 2k19

Ground Zero-Revenge of Eve

I decided to take inventory of where I stand mentally, financially, and spiritually, giving me something to measure. I suppose I could add emotionally to the mix as well because it plays a vital role in our lives.

My current situation does not reflect any growth from 2018.  In fact, it seems that I have gone backward.  Originally I was on a 5-year plan.  I accomplished all of my goals for four years even though I wasted a year and a half because I was still drinking.  2018 was the 5th year on this plan.

My goal was to be moved out of my mothers home and into a place of my own.  While I didn’t necessarily fail at this, it will not be happening.  My mother’s health is not in tip-top shape.  She has COPD, a hernia, and three ulcers that prevent her from eating certain foods and lifting heavy objects.  She doesn’t have health insurance because she makes too much to get government-funded insurance yet not enough to be able to afford health care.  She will qualify for Medicaid in two years.

She has been forced to the doctors because of pain and an inability to work but that only made her temporarily well.  My fear is that as soon as I move out she will need me to move back in.  I help with some of the finances around the house which takes a little off her plate but not nearly enough.  She and I decided that it would be best if I stay.  I feel that I have failed somewhat because I should be contributing more.  It is my plan to give her at least $100 more a month in 2019. 


Financially

Ground Zero-Revenge of Eve

Yes, that is a picture of my actual bank account. :/ Don’t feel sorry for me, it is after Christmas. By the looks of this, I am starting my year off at ground zero which isn’t bad in some instances. I mean, where can I go from here? Only up, right? I keep the majority of my money in little cash envelopes in a drawer in my room but that’s not where my money is. I am broke starting the year off.

From a financial standpoint, I have always made money on a daily basis and have lived to pay my bills this way. In 2018 I accumulated my first ever savings and it totaled a whopping $3,000.00. That is a lot of money for someone who makes $2.15 an hour. It’s crazy the amount of work I do for that hourly rate and the disrespect I put up with for that matter. I do make tips but using yesterday as an example, I had two tables that didn’t tip me and guess what? I pay taxes on my sales reported on my checkout at the end of the shift. Basically, when you do not tip your server, they pay, double. No complaints, I’ve done this for 20+ years. Moving on…

Spiritually

This year is one of being honest with myself and it starts here. I have been being pulled toward being able to define my God. My God. Not the one who has a beard and sports long, wavy hair. The picture of my God is golden and that is as far as I’ve gotten. I also cringe when I hear or see the word God because my account is attached to the organized religion God. Ya know the punishing God who doesn’t allow Baptist’s to dance, the one who condemns people to hell for loving the same sex… I am changing the name God to Her so if you read any post further from here and read me talk about Her, that is what I am referring to.

I know that my God has big things in store for me not by way of money but by way of peace by helping others because that is what my soul has been sent here to do. I do not ever discuss this out of fear that it will scare others away but it is my truth. I have a gift and sense things others don’t and this year I will be tuning into the intuition that I have run from for a long time.

Mentally

Ok, I’ll admit. I have been off my meds for about a month and a half. Everything was going smoothly until a few days ago. The culprit is pms. It is common for people who suffer from bipolar, women, to experience terrible pre-menstrual symptoms related to increased levels of estrogen. With that said I felt a familiar enemy rise. Anger.

If you are new to these parts, I have a terrible anger problem that has caused me tremendous anguish and humiliation. Not so much fun when you try your hardest to not let it surface. Anyway, I have since taken one dose of my medication and am lucky it is instant. You ask why I quit taking, well, because I don’t like feeling like a zombie. I have been in a more comatose state on different meds and these aren’t nearly as bad as others but I am wanting to approach my mental health from a more natural perspective. BUT I recognize I probably need to take my medication first and then begin a journey of naturalness later down the road.

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Me-Upset because I am angry

Emotionally

Going into 2019 from ground zero gives me ample opportunity to grow as a person, explore my creativity, help others in need, and expand my horizon. I will do so through forgiving eyes and loving heart. I am going to say no and not feel bad about it. Keeping in mind that I do not have to do anything except what advances me and my daughter. I have a tendency to volunteer my time to solve other peoples problems and that isn’t their fault, doing so continues to hold me back from solving my own.


Do an inventory of your situation and share with me in the comments. I would love to hear from you. Chat with me through email if that feels more comfortable.

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve
Happy New Year-2019-Revenge of Eve

2019

Holiday Greetings

Officially 2019!

12:01 am in Louisiana and many are bringing in the new year with fireworks, champagne, and kisses. How will you do 2019?

Happy New Year- Revenge of Eve

Ready or Not!!

Two-thousand nineteen is here and if we are not careful it will slip past us. From this day forward I will seek avenues that make life more enjoyable. I will volunteer my time to help those in need, if it doesn’t make me happy I will discard it, I will search within for theme that has been buried and I will lead with compassion.

Each year I choose a word as a guide and this year I decided on my third choice which is

-Discover-

It is my hope that 2019 reveals the true me. I am so lost among my diagnosis’ and who I think I am supposed to be. I have acted as a chameleon changing to accommodate my environment. I have always categorized myself a rebel but I’m not sure how true that is. I am opinionated but I believe the rebel in me is tired. I am ready to shed the skin I once wore. It no longer serves a purpose.

I want to discover who I am after alcoholism and drug abuse, separation from my father, diagnosed bipolar, along with my experiences. I am not trying to erase my past rather build upon it. I think January will be rough for me for many reasons but I will persevere. I foresee dramatic changes in 2019 and instead of staying in misery and contentment I will push beyond the fear and either fail or succeed. The only way I know which one is to try.

I will wake after this post is published and I will do so with intention. Have a safe day and buckle your boots, Revenge of Eve is on a mission!!

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve
When I Becomes We-Planning 2019-Revenge of Eve

When I Becomes We: Creative Planning

Personal Growth & Goals, Planning & Organization
When I Becomes We-Planning 2019-Revenge of Eve

Hey You Busy Bee’s

This will be our last post before the new year arrives! Today we will be discussing breaking our plans down further but also what it means to creative plan. I cannot wait to see what y’all come up with.

By The Hour

If any of you struggle with focusing this will be a great idea for you to try. I have used this technique for about two weeks and my productivity has skyrocketed! It is called block scheduling and it.is.amazing!

The original idea is called the Pomodoro technique. Wikipedia defines it…

The Pomodoro Technique is a time management method developed by Francesco Cirillo in the late 1980s. The technique uses a timer to break down work into intervals, traditionally 25 minutes in length, separated by short breaks. These intervals are named pomodoros, the anglicized plural of the Italian word Pomodoro(tomato), after the tomato-shaped kitchen timer that Cirillo used as a university student“.

Many people have used this technique and have claimed their success on behalf of it. For myself, I choose to block more than 25 minutes because it seems to take me a few minutes to get focused on the task at hand but also for purposes of not having to set multiple timers. I begin a task at the beginning of the hour, work 45 minutes and then the last 15 minutes of the hour is my break between.

Here is an example of what my daily schedule looks like by the hour.

Creative Planning-Revenge of Eve

Creative Planning

Creative planning is where people use stickers, art, colored highlights, tabs, charts, specialty stickers, watercolors… Artsy mediums to decorate their plans. There is a crazy creative planning community and I love them! They are very supportive of one another. There are many Etsy shops that cater to this type of planning.

You can purchase printable undated calendars and add them to your system with lots of room for decorating. Each week is decorated in what is called a spread. You can find millions of examples on Instagram. Type planner community into the search bar and watch the beautiful, overcrowded planner pages pop up. This helps a lot of people to dedicate time to their planning and really look at it because let’s face it, a pretty page full of stickers is more welcoming than a blank calendar.

I’m not certain of any specific guidelines for creative planning so I just follow the beat of my own drum and do whatever it is that makes me happy.

I encourage you to do the same. It helps you stay mindful, alleviates stress, reduces anxiety and the results are nice to look at. If you can’t draw, they have stencils you can use. I use journaling cards in mine. I cut them out and glue them to my pages. I mix stickers, magazine clippings, stencils, stamping to create my own style. You should too.

*remember not to compare yours to others*

2019- When I becomes We- Revenge of Eve

Another thing I did for this year, I created a vision board. I used the front of the January separator in my planner. The paper is sturdy cardstock that holds up nicely. I added elements that all brought together to show what I want to bring to life in 2019. I am going to do another one June, halfway through the year and see how the two align. I opted to do this to make sure I am staying on target with the three goals originally set.

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2019 vision board in my planner

If you have never made a vision board, it is quite simple. It’s basically collaging but with intention. You find words or images that describe what you want to attract into your life and paste them on a poster board or you can do as I did and use the sturdier pages in your planner. I have a few more words I intend to add to mine. Discover must find it’s way on my board, love and a few others will be glued on somewhere.

It is suggested to focus on what you are creating because the energy you put in will be the energy you receive. I didn’t do mine as intently but I did enjoy the process. Will you give it a go? If so, snap a shot and drop it in the comments.

I struggle with focusing and will need to make sure I am staying on track. I painted a reminder sign and framed it. It sits right by my desk and says, “one idea at a time”.

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not my best lettering-lol

And now for accountability purposes, here are my three target goals for 2019:

  1. Be more present (more specifically, as a mom).
  2. Define who I am, using three adjectives.
  3. Heal from past hurt and forgive where needed.

Have you set your three?

Please do share your 2019 goals with me!! I would love to hear them. Are you setting any blogging goals in 2019? I am not setting any blogging goals this year. I will continue to find and develop my voice. I will not have the time to market my blog but I do intend to grow my email list and sell my handmade products. How do you plan to achieve your resolution or goals? Will you be joining me on my journey? If not, share your strategy. I may wanna follow you or borrow a few ideas. Anything helps.


Ps. I must add to this that I also use digital calendars set with reminders to keep me up to date. I recommend finding your system. The paper and pen technique is something I find calming. It helps keep my attention whereas technology disrupts my course of action.

With my new laptop, there is a focus mode to which you set to decrease distraction from mindless scrolling. I haven’t yet tried it but will come the new year.

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve
Presenting-An Introduction-Revenge of Eve

An Introduction

R.O.E. Need To Know
Presenting-An Introduction-Revenge of Eve

An Introduction

I am always trying to think of ways to make my blog stand out in a sea of blogs but also wanting to invent trendy ways of bringing blogs together.

The first example of this was by creating my own niche. I did this in an effort to make those of us who discuss many topics feel a sense of belonging. Having a niche topic works for some and for those of us that feel it limits us, I now offer the unconventional lifestyle niche. Please feel free to label your site as so if this fits your style!! I would be so honored.

An Intro-Revevnge of Eve

That led me to decide on An Introduction, which will be a brief intro to the categories within my blog. So… I must backtrack and present to you the ones that have been established thus far here on R.O.E. and also introduce a new category.

Personal growth & goals

This is a category created to document the efforts and tools put into place for my personal growth. I am passionate about this category. It is in its infancy as am I. 2019 is my year to focus on uncovering and revealing the true me. It will be a raw experience with the hopes of life-changing results.

I do wonder if I will get anything out of it, I must admit. I am also hesitant about the vulnerability that comes with it but I trust my readers with my crazy, so to speak. We shall see. If it feels like too much I will slow my roll.

Planning & Organization

Each of the categories is pretty self-explanatory. Having co-occurring illnesses it is vital to living with a daily routine/schedule. This helps keep surprises at bay and allows for preparation, mental, for changing environments.

Less clutter has been proven to be a good thing for our mental health. Eliminating the chaos from our immediate surrounds gives us the opportunity to be productive. Clutter is a distraction and can increase anxiety. Over the course of a year, I plan to organize every aspect of my life. This will require a plan.

Thanks to social media, I discovered what I have done all along now has a name and a community. It is called creative planning and if you like crafty things, you will love creative planning! Stay tuned to find out more.

Mental Health & Recovery

It is what it says. Anything having to do with mental health, substance abuse, alcoholism, bipolar, OCD, healthy tips, and tricks, etc. This category is one that is personal to my heart and my life. I am diagnosed bipolar 1, anxiety, and OCD. I received my diagnosis in January 2017 after living 38 years in complete disarray.

I am an alcoholic in recovery and recommend you read my inspirational life story. This will give you an idea of the writer behind the blog.

Holiday Greetings

I noticed when I wanted to acknowledge a holiday that the post didn’t have a category so I created one! (Surprised?). Holiday greetings is for those posts wishing my readers a day of enjoyment.

R.O.E. Need To Know

This category is for information regarding this blog. Anything related specifically to the operations, simple additions and information I decide to share about this site with my readers. My curiosity leaves me wondering about the how to’s and why’s in life and I established this category for those of you who may be curious like me. 🙂

Creative and Collective

This is a new category that I haven’t published a post for but I am excited to bring it to R.O.E. When this site (not R.O.E., long story) was first established it was dedicated to exploring my creative side. While I don’t consider it a fail I felt boxed into a niche that I wasn’t familiar with. I didn’t want to scrap the entire idea rather integrate my newfound hobbies.

It is here I will discuss my handmade products and boast about the things that I collect. These items include paper, vintage epherema, purses, and glasses. We all have small things that bring big joy to our lives and these are mine.

More to Come…

A few more will be added and with them, come an introduction. I created a category menu that can be found at the bottom of the site. Click on one of them and it will take you to the posts that have been categorized under the listed category. I used the social menu to create these category menus and that added them to the top of my site as well. They showed up as WordPress logo buttons instead of the category name. You can use those as well.

If this idea inspires you to create a menu similar to mine, I encourage you to do so. If you decide to classify your blog as An Unconventional Lifestyle blog, link to this or any other post so I can check it out. 

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve
When I Becomes We-Planning 2019-Revenge of Eve

When I Becomes We: A Pledge to Plan

Personal Growth & Goals, Planning & Organization
When I Becomes We-Planning 2019-Revenge of Eve

Stat!

I will go ahead and state the obvious, we are close to the end of the year and need to get our butts in gear for our first attempt at planning!

Keep in mind:

Realistic. Honest. Simple.


When I Becomes We: A Pledge to Plan-Revenge of Eve
My spiral Fringe weekly planner and my growth notebook for 2019

Quick Recap

You should have your three goals for 2019 written out.  If not, we are rowing the same boat 😉

.Pause.

-WRITE THEM NOW-

Assign each goal 4 months.


Before we go any further

Let’s write a

A Pledge to Plan

Am I cheesy??  I’m cheesy.

I think one will benefit us by reminding us a few things.  Write this where it can be seen when you sit down and plan.  In the front of your planner, typed and framed on your desk..get creative.

I, (name), pledge to plan in 2019.  I am striving to achieve these 3 goals.  (List your three). I will remember to be patient, forgiving, and persistent.  Planning is a habit formed by practice and I am learning. If something isn’t working I will reconfigure my plans for next month.  I am creating a customized plan that suits mine and my family’s needs and will not compare my system to anyone else’s. Everything entered into my plans will be full of intention.  The plans entered are flexible because life happens and I will not quit if my plans have to be altered.

Signed xo


Next, jot down ideas of things that could be done, action, to work toward achieving the ultimate goals.  These will be our mini monthly goals. I separated them into a column style, graph-like diagram. I listed at least 10 under each goal.  The amount of each is up to you but it cannot be more than 16 because more will exceed your limit of 4 max each month assigned to your goal.

Do not forget that you have other aspects of life that will require your attention.  Having the mini monthly goals set at 4 max stops you from becoming overwhelmed.  I drew something, much nicer than the first one 🙂, that I think will be a great guide to follow.  It serves as an outline and I encourage tweaking it to your needs.


When I becomes we: A pledge to plan-Revenge of Eve

Here I made space for secondary goals and those would be ones specifically for your job, school, child’s dance class and then an area for scheduled events.  This scheduled area should be where you add to your planner your weekly and daily routines that you are trying to develop or that you have already established.  

“What?”, you say, yes,  we are now breaking our planning down further from goals to achieve this year, to monthly mini goals, and now on to daily….and soon, hourly.

We gonna get our shit together this year boys and girls.  🙂

Stopping Point

Before you decide that planning isn’t for you, this is a great stopping point.  Absorb the information provided, pin the image created as a guide and we will pick up here with more detailed images and in-depth instructions.  

Breathe.  Smile. And be grateful.  We have a plan!!!


If you have any questions at all, please chat with me.  Stay tuned for the third and final post in our When I Becomes We: Planning 2019 series.  There will be a fun, creative activity thrown in the mix 🙂


P.s. There will be many planning posts throughout the year.  I wouldn’t hang you out to dry like that, it is the last with this title.  Shew! I thought I lost ya.

Good night ~ sleep tight

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve

When I Becomes We: Planning 2019

Personal Growth & Goals

Let’s Plan & Smash Goals Together


In 2019

When I Becomes We-Planning 2019-Revenge of Eve

Whether we are ready or not 2018 is coming to an end….like in two weeks!!  Year after year people across the globe set New Year resolutions only for 80% to have failed by March.  Such alarming statistics suggest we aren’t doing something right!!

Personally, I do not set resolutions.  I tend to shy away from opportunities to fail.  Each year I set a word to focus my life around. This year is no different with the exception of setting goals and planning them out.  Yup, I am going to attempt planning 12 months in advance, kind of (commitment issues), and so are you!

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A blank slate can present opportunity or it can stir up fear.  Some writers struggle with the intimidating blank screen while the artist does so with a blank canvass.  Similar to them, staring at a blank 12-month calendar can be overwhelming! Honestly, it is unrealistic to think you can plan a whole year in advance.  Life doesn’t happen that way. Twists and turns are thrown in the mix, sports schedules are not available, and the dance recital is scheduled two months prior.

Having the tendency to complicate things, I figure we will go all out and keep it simple in 2019.  I hear this phrase often but have yet put action to it.  But..for 2019, it’s a plan! 😉

If you think to yourself “ I don’t have time to plan”, stop that negativity right now!!  Set aside an hour or two a week and set yourself up for success. I choose Monday as my day for planning.  It is my day off and the beginning of my week. Have you decided on yours? Decide already…

What goes into planning?

Planning, as a role in my life, can be described as no other than a pain in the ass.  It seems that something pops up that I hadn’t planned disrupting the flow of my day.  What I have come to realize is that in order for planning to work, it must be customized to your lifestyle.  Buying a planner meant for entrepreneurs does nothing for someone without a business.

Customizing a plan of how to plan may be a bit extraordinaire but we are going to do it anyway because we are … learning.  Starting at the beginning is intimidating for all of us especially if you have attempted before and consider it a fail. We will not look at it that way.  These suggestions will help us break our life into parts that we can easily manage by using a customized planning system. But before we dive into that, here are three important things to keep in mind while we plan to plan 🙂


3 Ways to Simplify Planning and Goal Setting

  1. Be realistic
  2. Be honest with yourself
  3. Keep it simple

Realistic planning

Setting realistic goals contributes to your success rate.  Unrealistic goal setting will stress you out or have you throwing in the towel altogether.   In order to set realistic goals, you must have a realistic plan. The two go hand in hand. My recommendation is to set your goals first so you can break them down into months and further break those down to segments.  I’ll explain.

Set  3 goals that you wish to achieve

Randomly, assign each goal four months

Now let’s do a little math.  By using the 12 months as our denominator we will divide by 3 and get 4.  What is the purpose in this? We have broken our goals into months. The months under a goal are the months you work toward that particular goal. Next break it down to segments. Segment will be mini monthly goals. Do not set more than four goals each month.

Were you able to follow along?  My explanation may not have been presented in a way that is understandable for you but hang tight.  If it does not make any sense by the end of this post, then we can do something different for you.


Be Honest with Yourself

This part is critical when planning.  Do not set aside three hours for exercise if you have never exercised a day in your life.  That is wasted space and when it isn’t accomplished you will feel the wrath of failure and quit.  We ain’t got time for that boo.

Since we are being honest, I lie to myself alllll the time.  This area will require the most work from me. I like to plan a 30 hour day.  See how that doesn’t work? I can hear it now, “ Candace, aren’t realistic and being honest with yourself the same?”, and to that I respond “no”.

The difference is that Amy’s customized plan is realistic for her but can you say, honestly, that it will work for you?  If you are still confused read on.


Keep it Simple

“Wow Candace this whole post has been anything but simple!!”,  well, I tried but I am learning as we go. The idea belongs to me but the concept requires “we”.  There will be a drawing of me trying to get what is in my head out on “paper”, wait until you see that. Lol

Keeping it simple will require us not to overthink our decisions and continue to work towards our achievable goals.  Implementing this process will take practice and the only thing that gives us room for practice is time.  We cannot rush ourselves. We try it one way and if that doesn’t work, we try something else. It may take us a year to find our individual planning system but the beauty of this is we have each other to bounce ideas and suggestions off of.

If you are on the outside looking in your perspective isn’t necessarily better than my own, it offers another way of approaching my situation.  Make any sense? Does any of this make sense??


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Here goes nothing.

  • If you are tired of winging life and would like to join along in an effort to become more organized, These post will be for you.
  • If you don’t mind that your fearless leader doesn’t know exactly what she is doing, you are encouraged to pipe in and help a sister out.
  • If you are interested in discovering the customized plan that works for you plus have the patience to develop it, you are the person we need.
  • If you want to watch us fail and get back up, getta’ life and get outta here!!!

Perhaps the word I have been feeling around for is accountability partner.  That sounds doable but of course that term would be tweaked a bit because more will go into it.  Like, exchanging emails, sharing ideas and embarrassing yourself by being completely 100% honest about falling flat on your face.

If all or any of this sounds interesting to you, comment I, and look for future posts titled When I Becomes We.

We aren’t meant to go at this thing called life alone and since we have the internet and none of us are having to physically get out of our comfort zones, we should take advantage of each others online presence, right?!  Makes sense to me but we all know by now my sense meter is a little off.

Just like with everything I am going to do in 2019, I am just putting it out there.  Eventually something will come of it.

Toodles ~ Candace


Don’t you dare laugh at my messy example. I normally would never post something as ugly as this but it is what it is, a rough sketch example. If this adds to your confusion, I am sorry. This isn’t an in-depth example, it is a brief example of how the idea began.

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Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve
2019 Challenge-Revenge of Eve

2019 Challenge

Personal Growth & Goals

A Challenge for Happiness, Inspiration & Balance


As it always happens when we put it out in the universe that we want or need something it will show up in many ways and it becomes our responsibility to act on it.  I don’t know about you but there have been times that I have silently begged for change and to my surprise hundreds of avenues open up for me to initiate the change.  Let me be honest, no matter how bad I may have wanted it, fear holds me back from taking advantage of the opportunities I pled for.

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This is the case 85% of the time for me, happening more than I’d like to admit.   But guess what?  It is this fear that I want to escape and I am taking things for what they are. This challenge was presented to me by the universe and it is something I vouch to complete.  There I said it!!  You are now given permission to stay on my ass and make sure I am consistent in posting each weeks challenges….I know, I know …. I am not holding you responsible nor do you have to adult-sit me but giving you such permission gives me something to be accountable to.  Ya see??  🙂

So, what is it already??  My mother and I were shopping (surprise) and I just so happened to find my way to the stationery aisle in TJ Maxx (another surprise).  Low and behold, after I over turn each and every notebook, journal, planner, calendar….you get the picture, appears a book titled “52 Lists for Happiness”.  WHAT??? and as I realize what this is, my sign, I pick it up and turn a few pages.  I rub my hand across a page to feel the texture, I admire the illustrations so carefully drawn, and then I check the price.  $10.00.  Not needing to spend any money on myself because I have spent my savings, Christmas is right around the corner, and I have bills due soooo I do what any adult-child would do…. I show it to my mom and with a pitiful pout I say, “I really shouldn’t get this but it is exactly what I need to accomplish my goals in 2019″.  Yes, really.  I am that 40-year old.  Pathetic, right?!  It was my birthday too but it wasn’t that I wanted or needed her to buy it, I just needed her to make it ok for me to spend the $10.00.  Honestly, I should view it as an investment because it is for the bettering, I hope.

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Walking through the store, with it in hand, I do what any cheap, shopaholic would do, I look for it on Amazon.  🙂  I weigh my options,  I haven’t invested in Prime, (why? no excuse, no excuse)  with shipping it totals about the same price.  I read two reviews and then silently cuss myself out in my head.  “Seriously Candace?  Get it together!!  This has the possibility to lead you to yourself and omg isn’t that what you want?”.  I buy the book.

52 Lists for Happiness

By: Moorea Seal

Weekly journaling

Inspiration for Positivity,

Balance, and Joy

2019-Challenge-R.O.E

From what I gathered the author is a blogger, ok see…. you seeing the signs yet?, and she has formed a community of fans that participate in this challenge each year.  Amazing, right?  Yes, just agree.  In the preface of the journal/guided book she suggests using the  #52HappyLists hashtag on social media to find others who are working their way through the book.  Considering I am setting myself free from (most) social media, I will not be hashtagging publicly but I will use it on my blog!!  Brilliant!  My fellow bloggers that are unhappy, bored, and needing change can do this together!!  Sounds amazing and I hope you join.  Encourage other to join too but do not look for the hashtag elsewhere because it will not coincide with the edition we are doing.  Like we all know, I am notoriously late for the show and with this being no exception.  WE, tee-hee, will be doinggggggg  the 2016 version of #52HappyLists.  🙂  We are only three years behind.  Not bad.

Here is how it will go down.

Every Monday morning, like wicked early morning, the list of the week will be published by the handy scheduler.  How early?  Hmmmm, let’s say it will “go live” at 2:00 am every Monday morning, Central American time.  From there you can do whatever the hell you want with it.  You can keep it to yourself, you can blast it on your blog, you can email me, post it on your fridge, share with your co-workers…….WHATEVER makes you…… drum roll….. HAPPY!!  BUT, always a but, give credit where credit is due.  How so?

  1. First and foremost credit the author of the book:  Moorea Seal because legally, you have to and morally because you don’t wanna be a shitty person.  Her work is copyright
  2. Link to the beautiful post I publish each week 😉  Don’t know how?  Ask and I will explain.  Invite your friends.  Let’s have happy feeds in 2019.  Can you imagine the mental health community…happy?  It would be a beautiful thing.  Why?  because we fuck’n deserve it.
  3. Use the hashtag #52HappyLists and #achallengeforhappiness, please
  4. And last but not least…. enjoy this challenge.  Integrate it into your life.  Allow it to make small changes in your day, welcome it.  We are worth it ya’ll and that is what I have come to know in my heart.  Everyone of us is worthy, including me.  

I honestly haven’t even flipped through the book so I don’t know what will be presented each week but what I do know is I am full of hope and I would be so excited if you joined me in this challenge.  What could it hurt?  If you don’t enjoy it, stop at any time.


Chow!!!  This begins January 7, 2019 ……… subscribe using the pop-up to receive insider info 😉

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve

From Alcoholic to Bipolar to Blogger

Mental Health & Recovery

From Alcoholic to Bipolar to Blogger

An Inspirational Life Story


Hey y’all!!  Welcome to Revenge of Eve, An Unconventional Lifestyle Blog.

It excites me that you have stumbled on my little slice of the internet and I hope you take your time to mosey around!  

But before you do,  allow me to share with you my story.

Presently

You may be wondering,  “what is an unconventional lifestyle blog?”.  Well….for starters if you are new to the wonderful world of the internet, the history of blogging can be found by clicking here.  If you are familiar with what a blog is, here’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!

During my research for beginning a blog, it became evident  that in order to have a successful blog you must choose a specific niche.  I found this information to be disappointing and almost tragic for my dreams.  I thought “How am I expected to be authentic discussing one particular subject when in fact I am a multifaceted woman with a range of interests?”.  Refusing to let go of my dream of connecting with others on a human level, I decided to do as I have always done….

I created my own damn niche!

An Unconventional Lifestyle niche was born.

Revenge of Eve

The word ‘unconventional’ was chosen in an effort to remain true to my character.  I have never fit the mold nor in a box. My thought process is a bit different than others, my fashion sense unique, and my humor, dry.  These are the qualities I am learning to embrace and at 40 years old, I am attempting life for the second time.

Before I go any further, I have a history and one that I am not proud of.  When reflecting on my life it isn’t shame I feel yet a deep sadness.

“A life lived in emotional turmoil results in unhealthy choices creating unhealthy habits.”

Candace Lynne

My personal account: 2012

After leading, 20 plus years, life as a bartender, I found myself attempting to stop drinking alcohol on a daily basis.  Unaware of the depths my alcohol use had plunged, imagine the surprise reality served me with withdrawal symptoms.

People drink to socialize, celebrate, and relax. Alcohol often has a strong effect on people—and throughout history, people have struggled to understand and manage alcohol’s power.  National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).

How had I gotten so far beyond that my body was physically dependent on it?  How was it possible that me, a functional mother of one, that worked five sometimes six days a week, has to consider she may be an alcoholic?  Did others know? If so, why hadn’t they cared enough about me to express their worries? Was I not worth it?

“A variety of mental illnesses such as post-traumatic stress disorder, antisocial personality disorder [characterized by a lack of empathy toward other people], anxiety, sleep disorders, or depression, increase the risk of addiction. Those with the highest risk of addiction have bipolar disorder or schizophrenia — up to 50 percent [of people with these conditions] can have an addiction,” says Garbutt, researcher. everydayhealth.com

Thoughts continued swirling around in my head and at that moment, my only way to freedom was death.  Irrational thoughts consumed me and before I knew it I had dialed my sister and threatened suicide. Reaching me in record time my sister stood before me aiding my rescue.

The rest of the day is fuzzy.

Most of my days were fuzzy.

An untreated or undiagnosed mental disorder can wreak havoc on an individual who is suffering from a disorder as well as those around them. When a person is suffering from a mental health disorder, often, they are unaware that the disorder exists. While the individual will not understand their feelings or the mental problems that they are suffering from, they may experience feelings of hopelessness, depression, anger, or impulsiveness. Because of this, they find themselves feeling lost and at times can turn to unhealthy behaviors in an attempt to numb their psychological suffering. This process is known as self-medicating. One of the most frequently used substances for self-medicating is alcohol, although illegal drugs are also commonly abused by those with mental health disorders. Although the alcohol may temporarily numb the symptoms that the user is experiencing, self-medicating can lead to serious problems. Ouitalcohol.com

Waking at three a.m., on the mental ward floor of our local hospital, I come flying out of my room woken from a nightmare only for my surroundings to be more unfamiliar than the darkest corners of my dreams.  In the stillness, my haste drew the attention of a nurse. Meeting me in pure panic, she did as she knew and referred me back to my bed. “Hell no!!”, I demanded a coke. Somehow I remembered my sister bringing me my own personal bottles of coke, “I want a coke!”, I raised my voice with intention.

Weighing a hefty 200 pounds, standing five foot ten, it was evident my demands would be met out of sheer fear. As I drank my soda I stand in the hallway unaware of what was soon become the hardest years of my life.  At 33 years old I hadn’t been a day without a cigarette since I was 13 or a drink since I was 20.

Desperately ripping the nicotine patch from my arm I lick it trying to absorb as much nicotine as possible.  My clouded brain hears the muffled voice of the nurse informing me that caffeinated drinks are not allowed after set hours and that my nightmare was a side effect of the nicotine patch. In a dazed state , I remember being awakened after I had just fallen back to sleep.  I refused to budge. I lay there prepared to throw a tantrum or resort to whatever means necessary to go back to sleep.

about-Candace-Revenge-of-Eve

I slept.  

I do not recall the sequence in which the events of my first hospital stay occurred but there is one particular event that is ingrained forever. An elderly patient, who was clearly more mentally disabled than me, flipped a switch within me altering my opinion about the power our mind holds.  Today, I candidly tell the story but in the moments it occurred, it couldn’t have been more serious.

That day

In between group the other patients would gather in a small room with tables, a television, and the phones while I paced the halls, gnawing on a straw, I would swiftly pass by walking in gapping strides.  Somewhere around and about mile two or three of my anxious pacing I had a joiner. A woman in her 50’s who toted a life-sized baby doll would attempt to keep up with me. I smiled and was flattered that she had chosen me to become attached to… until I wasn’t.  Quickly I became annoyed with her presence. She would disrupt my course causing me to go off path. The path I had beaten down on the carpet for two consecutive days.

At this point, amidst the groups, paperwork, and pacing, it had been determined that I suffered from mdd, major depressive disorder, although the diagnosis was not discussed with me.

“Clinically speaking, you have to treat the addiction and the psychological symptoms at the same time. Misdiagnosis, and therefore under-treatment, is common, such as when an alcohol addiction is masking bipolar disorder,” says Garbutt.

Psychosis: My First Experience

I would begin by asking her nicely to stop following me and she would nonchalantly respond, “ I’m finnnne”.  Agitated I would dodge off into my room closing the door. When the anxiety heightened I would return to pacing with Nancy in tow.  Over the next 24 hours, I pled with Nancy and I paced. Before exiting my room I would gather my composure and set off on my course.  Waking to my reality and a cigarette on my mind, I start the next day on the wrong foot. Unbenounced to me Nancy’s curiosity had been peaked from my exiting and entering my room.  She would take it upon herself to go in my room and borrow two of my gifted puzzle books… without my knowledge.  For what had become a part of my path, I entered my room and immediately notice something off.  Within seconds I figure out what it was. In this very instant, I would be shown that it isn’t me who is in control.  Regardless of the constant, silent coaching, I had been doing,  I snapped.  Screaming at the top of my lungs I run out of my room.  Before I grasp reality a nurse stops me in my tracks. Suddenly I am surrounded by all of the staff.

“ I have lost my mind.”

Alcohol hallucinosis: These hallucinations are typically auditory, but may manifest as visual or tactile. The condition is also characterized by mood disturbances, rapid mood swings, and delusions, and it may ultimately mimic schizophrenia in presentation. It is unlike delirium tremens and can appear in a person who otherwise had clear thinking and memory previously.

After a shot of Ativan, the nurse comes into my room with my books in hand.


That is the last thing I remember before passing out.

This was the beginning of a year in and out of inpatient rehabs, mental institutions and sober living homes where I would go on to experience two more episodes of psychosis.  These episodes of a distorted reality would later go on to be the determining factor in my changed diagnosis.  

April 20, 2015, I walked through the doors of our local government funded mental health clinic and haven’t  looked back. Willingness and honesty gave me the start I needed to pave a new path and I have not had a drink since that day.  The first year of my sobriety was spent adjusting to a world without blinders. Careful not to tempt myself I would stay cooped up at home and worked the graveyard shift at a restaurant that did not serve alcohol.

2015

Setting small goals of travel for my daughter and I motivated me to save money and go on trips that have produced some great memories for her and I.  My life started to gain momentum, I was humbled by the graveyard job, my anger was tested with another employer and because of this instead of responding I asked for my old job back at the casino.  I left this job to enter rehab and am grateful to still be employed there to today.

My diagnosis of mdd had not changed and I began taking an antidepressant with nonnarcotic anti-anxiety medication while being treated by a psychiatrist at the mental health clinic.  It was here I received counseling and completed an outpatient rehab program. After almost two years I decided it was time for me to seek a new psychiatrist because my anger was beginning to increase and there wasn’t much about life that excited me.

about-Candace-Revenge-of-Eve

2017

January 2017, with the switch in psychiatrist, I would be diagnosed with bipolar 1 mood disorder, anxiety, and mild ocd.  At this point I was severely depressed, pissed off and unstable. My moods became so unbearable that I turned to Google and typed in bipolar disorder.  Before my eyes 30 or 40 articles described my pain, my life, my illness.  

It was in July of 2017 that I began blogging to share my story of mental illness with others.  I had no idea the impact creating a blog would have on me. It forced me to want to be well so I were able to communicate what goes on within.  I promised myself to stick with blogging because I had not followed through with much in my life and I had fallen in love with the community. As an empath and introvert, it allowed me to connect in a way I had not ever been capable of.  For this reason alone, I agreed to take the antipsychotic my doctor recommended.

In September of 2017, I began a medication regime that has changed my life and perspective.  Currently I have found what I believe to be my calling and in order for me to achieve success I have a lot of work to do on myself.  From building a solid foundation to accepting life on life’s terms, implementing suggestions for growth and most importantly, learning to love myself and forgive myself.  The time I have been in recovery, thus far, has been spent adjusting to my surroundings and the time has come to take it a step further. There are sure to be challenges but I am ready to tackle them and keep moving forward.  My hope is that others are able to relate and for us to share the path on this journey.

Revenge of Eve dot com is live!

Will you please hang out and join me on this

              journey of self-discovery, self-love, and finding my inner strengths?

Revenge of EveCandace Lynne ~ blogger

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve