Revenge of Eve-community tag

3.2.1. Quote Me: Creativity

R.O.E. Need To Know

It is exciting when other bloggers nominate you to participate in a community tag. I can always count on Beckie to include me.  The tag is created by A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip. 

Revenge of Eve-community tag

Rules: 3.2.1 Quote Me!

Thank the selector

Post 2 quotes for the dedicated Topic of the Day.

Tag 3 bloggers to take part in ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’

Note: Although this is the topic for today there is no specific deadline to it, mean answer as and when.

Thank you Beckie!!

If you’ve spent any time on my blog, you are familiar with Beckie and if not, you are missing out. She is a blogger with personality and tenacity. Check her out and give her a follow. She has supported my journey closely and blogging wouldn’t be the same without her.


Revenge of Eve-community tag
Revenge of Eve-community tag

The three bloggers I nominate are:

Trina from It’s Good to be Crazy Sometimes

Suze from Its A Colorful Life

Cyanny from Cyranny’s Cove

I can’t wait to read these ladies quotes. Make sure to check out everyone’s blog. Support makes the world go around. Until next time…

About That… A Review of January

Personal Growth & Goals

Don’t Judge Me

If this month has taught me anything it has taught me that I am resilient. Getting back up is my strength. And… I am my worst enemy.

A lot of times I think, in this broken thinker of mine, that I am going to follow a plan because I put it out there, therefore holding myself accountable. Well, if that ain’t a load of bullshit, I don’t know what is. Long ago, back in the caveman days, I kept a strict schedule, a tight to-do list and guess what???
Go ahead, guess…


About that- Revenge of Eve

I was a slave to check boxes and timers. I lived a life with no room for error and it ruined my idea of planning. I made calculated steps toward an uncertain future. One day I decided no more lists (17 years ago) and I didn’t make one or a plan until three years ago. Before I know it I find myself writing blog posts about planning my year.

WWhhooaaa!!!!! That escalated quickly! Before I become obsessed with lists and planning, I am bringing it to a screeching halt. Part-time planning works well for me. It isn’t stressful. In fact, I refuse to fall prey to something I have once experienced (unless it is rejection, then I’ll go back for more). I adore the idea that planning presents but it is the aesthetic of the products that I am obsessed with.

I confess.

If you are a subscriber then you will have read that I was going to help a friend with somewhat life coaching her. Bahahahahahaha!! It went well for three days but I can’t be responsible for organizing someone else’s life. Plus she’s flaky like me and her mood determines what she does or doesn’t do (Love you Tiff). Another prime example of how easy it is for me to forget about the task at hand.


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What’s That?

ME!!!!

It Wasn’t a Total Fail

At the beginning of the month, I had momentum and thank Her for that.   I needed it for the next two weeks to come.  My planner is full with a daily gratitude list, journal logs, and podcasts confirmed… The first three weeks (there are 5 in January)! 

I think that is awesome. 

But…
For purposes of setting mini goals to achieve a larger goal, I must reflect on what I set as mini goals and whether or not they pushed me closer toward my ultimate goal.

I can’t say for certain where I was mentally when I listed said goals but for some odd reason I didn’t even know the main goal that I designated as my January goal!!! A little coo-coo. When I realized I wasn’t sure what exactly I was working toward, I checked the front of the month in my planner and to my surprise, it was to Be More Present

If you are lost you can check out the three-part series for a better understanding.

 One. Two. Three.

Quick Looksie

The three mini-goals I set were:

  • No phone at soccer games
  • An hour no tech, a day
  • Journal daily

Let’s see how I fared. There were a total of seven games in the month of January. I attended four. My daughter didn’t play because of a hurt muscle three of the seven games and she only played a quarter of one other.

I am ZERO for 4!!!  on my mini goal of not bringing my phone to the field. I had every intention of leaving it in my car the first game but I brought it just in case. In my defense, the game was a flush. The opposing team is in its infancy and the game was called on the “no score” rule, once we made our fifth goal (I believe).

While the ball is in play I do a good job at watching and cheering them on. It is in the down time I need entertainment. I sit alone and often times my anxiety is heightened while at the games so having my phone is more of a comfort than a distraction. That’s not an excuse but I will attempt this mini goal next go-round, in April.

How did I do for an hour no tech when Kid is here? Welp, out of the two weekends she were here we followed through…. drum roll…

Once!! I know, I know.. I’m terrible. I could make excuses but I won’t. It just didn’t happen the way it was supposed too. whoomph whomp 😦

So, that leaves journaling. Out of 31 days, I journaled… 17 times. I had a productive month with making inserts, organizing my studio, and listening to podcasts. I also watched at least 5 Ted Talks and wrote a gratitude list daily (only missing 5 days).

In the photo above you can see where I set smaller goals as well. Exercise and focus mode never made it into my routine.

What Did I Learn?

Sticking to your goals is challenging but not impossible. The difficult part is working them into the routine I have already established. I also learned that while the sub-goals were not necessary, having them gave me options. Is that a good thing? I don’t know. What I do know is I am not quitting.

I will modify February’s goals and make sure to focus on working them in my routine. January was a warm up month getting me use to working toward an end result. While I did not accomplish what I set out to accomplish, I did stay on course (once I looked at what my ultimate goal for the month was).

Maintaining a schedule does not happen over night. I will go out on a ledge and say that it takes at least three months to find your rthymn. Although my plans did not pan out, learning about myself has been abundant. Trusting my intution has come easy and less scary. I have decided to switch my shifts up at work in a last ditch effort to stay there. If this doesn’t work I will be doing some job hunting in February. We shall see.


All in all the month revealed unhealthy patterns giving me insight on my behaviors. I am keeping a running list to have to discuss with a therapist. Meanwhile I will keep doing what I am doing which involves doing the next right thing. I ask for understanding and patience for the month of February from myself for myself. I am taking big steps toward healing and must remain kind to myself.

Today I was blindsided with a “view”, flashback, of who I was roughly 15 years ago and tears streamed down my face. I was a shell of a person. This seems significant for me to recognize. Why? Not so sure but I allowed myself to feel what came with it and the result was an overwhelming sadness followed by a sense of pride for how far I’ve come. I still have a long road ahead of me but as for today, I am at peace with who I am.

How was your January?

Keep your head up ~ love,

52 Week Challenge-Revenge of Eve

2019: 52 Week List Challenge

Personal Growth & Goals

Oops!

Yesterday was Monday and it slipped my mind to post this week’s list!! Like, it literally never crossed my mind. Not once. I apologize if any of you were waiting and I hope you were not holding your breath! Without further ado, week four’s list…


Week Four – 52 Week List Challenge

List the things that get you out of your head

Take action: Plan an hour or two this week to do one or a few of these things that put your mind at peace.

2019 Challenge-Revenge of Eve

Don’t Forget:

  • First and foremost credit the author of the book: Moorea Seal because legally, you have to and morally because you don’t wanna be a shitty person. Her work is copyright
  • Link to the beautiful post I publish each week Don’t know how? Ask and I will explain. Invite your friends. Let’s have happy feeds in 2019. Can you imagine the mental health community…happy? It would be a beautiful thing. Why? because we fuck’n deserve it.
  • Use the hashtag #52HappyLists and #achallengeforhappiness, please
  • And last but not least…. enjoy this challenge. Integrate it into your life. Allow it to make small changes in your day, welcome it. We are worth it ya’ll and that is what I have come to know in my heart. Every one of us is worthy, including me.

Last weeks list was better than the week before.

On my list of things I am really good at, I listed 7 things. I wouldn’t say I am really good at anything per se but I do these well:

  • Bartend
  • Wait tables
  • write
  • observation
  • Uno (card game lol)
  • I have good hand-eye coordination
  • connecting with children

Of all of these, there is only one that I would say comes naturally and that is my connection with kids. I have always loved children and find them much easier to deal with compared to their adult counterparts. Writing comes easy, however, I can see how it has improved with practice.

How about you? What things are you naturally good at?

I plan to do all in my power to have a reflective week. For nearly three week’s things were off track. I am not going to let that get me down. I started the reorganizing of my studio and plan to complete it this week. I found that having my personal materials in with the materials I use for selling items I get distracted from the task at hand. I have separated 80% of it and love the way it is coming together, so much so, you can expect a post on it soon.

I hope everyone has a good week! Toodles ~

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve

Dear Customer…

R.O.E. Need To Know

Societal Observations

*scarcastic tone used the whole read*

This post has the tendency to get “mouthy”. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you get offended easily, read on. You need to read this tidbit of it isn’t personal boundary setting.


dear customer-revenge of eve

I am employed with a job in the lovely field that is customer service. Insert* the customer is not always right!

That statement was made by a lunatic!! People who say this fall in the category of society that look to take advantage of corporate USA or anyone with a publicly operating business.

Yea, I said it because guess what?? In my 20+ years experience of dealing with customers, they are still 100% human and guess what else? Humans make mistakes. The person serving you the food may have forgotten to say no mustard on your burger but that doesn’t make you right. To be “right” there must be an opposing opinion… I’ll stop there on that one.

Tip: If you have a bad experience when dealing with your customer service representative, you ask to speak with someone higher than them. Like a tax paying adult, you explain, not insult, not yell, your unpleasant experience. That is why they are there. From there, allow said higher human to resolve the issue according to their company’s policy. The actual goal is to satisfy the customer and filing a complaint gives the company the opportunity to fix it. And here is where that “customer is always right” loophole was created.

News flash!! People are assholes. There is no way in hell it should ever be ok for someone to say that because they are a customer, they are automatically right. Fuck off with that annoying statement.

Here is how it should look: Go eat, if things don’t go well, give feedback, sit nicely (and quietly), accept or negotiate your offer (remember like an adult), tip according to the service you received not based on your experience, and move the eff on people!!

**insider info: The company still gets paid if you eat for free but guess who doesn’t? The responsive middle man that catered to your every need without breaking a smile, they don’t. Businesses are operated on a ladder system. Don’t punish the man on the first step for a job not filled by the man on the fifth step.

Do Not Touch The Animals

Just because someone chooses to work with the masses does not give you permission to touch, pull, poke or grab them. And oh my God, please, do not whistle!!!

Does this happen often? Too often. Somewhere in life, we forget the simplest of tools taught in elementary school. Keep your hands to yourself. Simple. Period.

Just because you are a touchy-feely person does not mean the person who serves you alcoholic beverages is.

Tip: if the bartender walks from behind the bar to dump ashtrays, collect empty beer bottles, or even if they decide to hug someone else, Do. Not. Assume. it is ok for you to grab them and bear hug them.

We understand that liquor induces “love” but keep in mind in some it may provoke anger, in others tears and if you are lucky, someone’s afternoon lunch. The point is, respect other people’s personal, arm-length, 3-foot rule, distance space.

I imagine there to be an underground conspiracy against those of us who work in customer service that says if you want to get our attention, whistle, and we’ll come running. And whoever heads this theory must have worked with Pavlo and needs to die with this ridiculous notion. This study was done on dogs people!

What’s even better is the look on the whistler’s face when you turn around, look them dead in the eyes and when they begin to bark their request, you turn back around and walk away. Better yet, when you don’t even acknowledge them, the explanation they give trying to minimize the fact that they literally whistled at you. Excuse me? Did you just say you whistled at me??? Oh, I apologize, I was not taught to respond to the sound of a whistle.

dear customer-revenge of eve

We are at work, not on display

I get it, we all have a doppelganger but that doesn’t mean we want you to have a picture of us on your phone so you can show your cousin her twin. This is absurd. And so common that people will completely disregard verbal boundaries such as that makes me feel uncomfortable.

I am not shitting you. Scenario: husband and wife eating, wife goes to the restroom, the man says to me, “can I take your picture?”. I stand frozen thinking why???? Why me…again?? While I process how to deliver my verbal boundary, wife shows up. Yay! and walk away in silence. Returning to the table to retrieve the payment he asks once again if he can take my picture. The look on his wife’s face said it all!! WTF?? He proceeds to get her in agreement that Susy and I look identical as I search for the words, I’m sorry but I am not comfortable with that. As the words flow out of my mouth with pride, he raises his phone and snaps a picture.

And guess what? Looks at me like, well what do we do? Because he realizes what I was trying to say, nicely, was no.

First of all, customer service workers do not know you or your intentions. We do not owe you a picture because we share a similar face structure to that of your cousin. We owe you nothing. We are at work to provide a service for you that is governed by company policy and nowhere in the handbook does it say we must pose for a headshot. Go to Disney for that.

There are creeps out there folks. While Billy compares me to his cousin, his brother may have a sexual fetish for women with blue eyes… Who the fuck knows? Not me and if a request makes me feel uncomfortable, you should respect that!

And sir, what you should’ve done was delete that photo of me mid-sentence with my wide-eyed, how dare you face, immediately. In fact, it should have never been snapped.

Again, at work

As much as we enjoy standing around and chatting, we have duties that require our time as well as other customers to tend to. The best customers are those who we see frequently, ask about home life, remember your birthday, and compensate you for a job well done but many times these can be the worst customers. They demand extra time, they believe that five dollars is a good tip, no matter the price of the bill, on top of the order they just placed that is nowhere on our menu. They call it a special order, we call it annoying.

Once again, I’ll say it. Five dollars is decent if your tab is $20. As the price of your bill increase so does the tip. An easy way to remember how to tip is by multiplying the sales tax by 2, and the sum equals the tip total. Personally, I tip according to my service (not according to the food quailty). Shitty service = shitty tip.

Tip: do not prepare your server by informing them in the beginning that you don’t have the money to tip. Solution: stay home and cook for your damn self. We are at work… To get paid. By no means whatsoever believe that a verbal tip is compensation for a monetary tip. Telling a food service employee that they were excellent does not feed their children.

Next time you see your favorite service industry worker, be observant of the atmosphere. Is it bustling with customers? Can you be a little less needy today?

There is more

These are not insensitive requests. Not everyone thinks along the same lines and for an introvert who hates to be touched many times my days are ruined by people who are inconsiderate or entitled. I could go on all day as I am sure those who are customer service or food industry service workers could but I will wrap it up with this last piece of advice.

I’m not sure if this happens a lot outside of the casino but in the casino, it is an insane assumption. If your bill total is $12.63, you pay $12.63. Period. So many people will leave without paying the coin change as if it is our responsibility to pay it.

We seriously had a customer the other day who was irate that we would not pay the 20¢ she owed. She said we should have a piggy bank for those customers who fall short on change. Really? Can you imagine if everyone were short 20¢? There are more than a million people that come and go throughout the year. If we gave each person ONE penny we would lose a million dollars.

Tip: pay your bill. All of it.


Some may say “Sounds like you shouldn’t work with people” and that’s not the case. I enjoy anticipating the needs of others and complimenting them. It makes me happy to be of service. I am good at what I do and if because I have boundaries is seen as I shouldn’t work with the public, perhaps it is you that needs to evaluate how you act in public.

I am speaking on these particular instances because they occur on a daily basis. Not all, but most and sometimes there is a day when they all happen. Those are fun. We are people just like you except we are doing the job you don’t or won’t do. Respect us as such. We are servers, not servants.

You would be appalled if I laid it all out on the table. Craziest of all, imo, is when they look at me like I am weird because I do not want a hug from a perfect stranger.

It’s ok for me to say no, right?!

It isn’t personal!!


This post isn’t to offend anyone but it is for some to open their eyes and evaluate what they expect from someone who is on the clock. The events discussed are true events. While this isn’t a debatable post, its data, I understand there are bad service industry workers so when you do encounter the unicorn, don’t deduct from their tip because they do not want a hug. How many hugs are you asked to give at your place of employment?

One last thing.

I would like to smash the idea that we spit on food. In my entire career, 20+ years, I have never seen it done.

Am I being a drama queen? Let me know

oh Snap-Revenge of Eve

The Words of A Picture

Life & Relationships, Mental Health & Recovery

Oh Snap!

oh Snap-Revenge of Eve

So… I took a selfie tonight and I must say, my face has begun to age. I noticed a slight change two years ago but in tonight’s picture, I can see even more aging. I don’t know how I feel about this just yet. I have candidly made comments that I was going to start saving for a facelift.

Growing up everyone said I was a spitt’n image of my dad. I didn’t like that because I thought little girls were supposed to look like their mommas.

Back to the picture…


The features of mine that are aging are the same features in my fathers aging face; meaning that although everyone now says I look like my Ma, I resemble my father more.

What a bummer.

[Maybe that’s why he rejected me. A mirror image will make you do one of two things: change or never look in that mirror again. He chose the latter]

So I can see why I would have plastic surgery. Reconstruct my image to suit the more confident, brave(r) me. I just want a little nip and tuck around my neck area. It is sagging.

Oh, yeah… I haven’t started working on forgiving my dad, yet. I don’t know how you prove emotional abuse but I was emotionally tormented by my father.

I need to put that out there so I can begin healing. I would have rather been raised in his absence. And I have carried around his lies about who I am for far too long.

But.

This will require a counselor.


For accountability

I am saying out loud

I, Candace Lynne, will make an appointment with a therapist by March 1, 2019.


I am ready to get on with my life. See what it has to offer me or better yet, what I have to offer it.

With a nice lift 😉 in my spirits.

More Importantly

Watching my daughter cope with anxiety, that is now showing up physically, has been one of the hardest, eye-opening experiences of my life.

For those of you that are new around these parts, I have one child, a daughter, who will be 17 in two weeks. She is the most respectful, intelligent, compassionate, young lady. Yes, I am biased but she truly displays those characteristics.

She has struggled with performance anxiety ever since kindergarten where she had to dance on stage with a partner in front of the magnet performing arts school, kindergarten parents. She would shake her hands while her arms flailed by her side as if she were shaking off the numbness. Over the years her coping skills remained similar, from shaking her hands to stretching her fingers. Within the past three years, her anxiety has reached an all-time high with her once favorite sport, soccer.

She had her first anxiety attack last Friday at school. Up to Friday and through tonight (Thursday), she hasn’t been doing so well. She got on the field tonight for a brief moment. I know my child and I know she isn’t ok. I am giving her time to process what it is that has gotten her in such an upheaval. Come next Friday, when I get her, she should be ready to talk.

The pressure of her academic courses has increased with two of her classes demanding more time than she has in a day. As a junior in high school, she enrolls in courses receiving college credit. Piled on top of soccer has become too much for her to handle. Instead of quitting, my daughter shows up. She cheers on her team from the bench as I stare at her across the field. She has a muscle in her upper thigh, her I.T. band, that is preventing her from playing. I believe it is her anxiety manifesting itself.

Coming from a parent, it is torcher to watch, heartbreakingly so. There is a helplessness that makes me feel inadequate along with a sense of blame. She struggles because of me. With mental illness having a genetic trait, I fear it’s debilitating wrath.

Needless to say the past two weeks, with my own growing pains, have extended themselves to an emotional roller coaster. We are moving into week three and I desperately need a solution or at least that’s how it feels. This to shall pass.


Have you dealt with mental illness within your family?? Give us some advice. We need it! Share in the comments or chat via email.

Ta-ta ~

Showing Support-Revenge of Eve

Showing tha Love

R.O.E. Need To Know

Supporting Others

When Possible

Reading Joy Roses post has me nostalgic and reminded me of how good it feels to receive support. Ya know, blogger to blogger support. We create series and ask others to participate and when just one other blogger does, it lifts your spirits. Small acts like commenting and emails loaded with encouraging words have the potential to brighten someone’s week! Any gesture that acknowledges we are being heard satisfies our souls. Perhaps you can show the love by reaching out to a blogger you admire and tell them what it is they do that inspires you.

Showing Support-Revenge of Eve

I’ve received an astounding amount of support from (cue shout outs) in no particular order:

Ashley: MentalHealth@Home

Beckie: Beckies Mental Mess

Cyranny: Cyranny’s Cove

SonofaBeach

Carol Anne: Therapy Bits

Amy: Amy Westphal

Trina: Its Good to be Crazy Sometimes

A new blogger who I enjoy reading and share similar interests with is Suzi at My Colourful Life


Supporting Joy

Do ya’ll remember Mad Libs?

Mad Libs are where you ask someone else for nouns, verbs, adjectives, exclamations, etc.  and you fill in the blanks with their answers to make a story, which many times ends up being crazy.

Joy

“Earlier this afternoon I was happily  …….. (verb) . Time passed and later I  looked at the ….(noun) and knew I had to go. I got ready to go and then bent down to pick up our  …..  ( adjective)  ….. (noun) when I suddenly felt  ….(describe a feeling)  shoot through my ….  (noun)  and  ( a word that you yell! ) came out of my mouth! Now here I sit with a ….(noun)  on my (noun). “

ok, fill in the blanks. I am going to do so blindly by counting the number of words and grouping them like.. I need 3 verbs and two nouns (example) I will write the words on a sheet of paper 🙂 Annnd thennn I will plug them in to create a story.

Showing Support-Revenge of Eve
actual list

Mad Lib

“Earlier this afternoon I was happily running . Time passed and later I  looked at the car and knew I had to go. I got ready to go and then bent down to pick up our delicate bed when I suddenly felt  calm shoot through my flower and DAMN came out of my mouth! Now here I sit with a toe  on my son. “

Bahahahaha.. That was pretty funny and so was participating. If ya want, play along or show your support however you’d like.

Love Y’all like a fat kid loves cake

Tapping In-Revenge of Eve

Tapping In

Personal Growth & Goals

Purpose

When I hear the word purpose, I associate it with an action. I believe to find one’s purpose is to be of assistance to another albeit mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially. In search of myself, I have made it my purpose to open up to the possibilities of who I am and will become.


Tapping In-Revenge of Eve

This for me means trusting energy. Accepting I have a gifted sense of energy that surrounds me. In order for me to be of service to others, it is vital that I tap into ways of surpassing fear. Having such a gift can be controversial to some yet healing and helpful for others. Right now my purpose sits in solitude waiting for my approval and daily I am witness to this charming gift. Theses energies fill a space in my body.

Sensorly, particular areas will heighten in the presence of certain energies and some are subtle nudges that say in a meek tone, I’m here. Sometimes it is a feeling and other times it comes to me in words.

I am learning what these energies represent. They all show up different. From an extremely young age, I’ve known when I am in the presence of a molester or woman abuser (I was able to identify the energy when I was in high school). The way they transmit their energy feels to same to me. Believe me when I say, they know I know.

Talking about this is scary and I can see why I wanted to drown it with the bottle or numb it with other substances. Like mental illness, describing it is an uphill battle and one not socially accepted therefore creating an ignorance.

A few days ago I commented on the energy of two girls. I didn’t want to offend them because they both already know how I feel about them and although I pointed out the shift, I didn’t tell them I have finally concluded what that exact energy represents. It’s shadiness. You know like a snake. Sneaky. It has a few names but it feels the same. A dead heavy weight felt in my stomach and like a ball in my throat.

At the moment I felt this, it was almost as everything stopped and was in slow motion. Kind of like giving me time to process and associate. And then as though someone had hit the rewind button we were all standing there. All I could say was…whoa. Did y’all feel that?


No Worries

Undoubtedly, this is something I rarely discuss and doing so leaves me vulnerable and questioning if I am doing the right thing. No, I am not manic, no I am not drunk and yes I am nervous sharing this with my readers. Personally, I believe each of us is gifted in the sense of feeling surrounding energy but the way we process it is different. Some chose to ignore it altogether and I can’t blame them. For myself, it’s too much to let slide.

Accepting this as a part of who I am isn’t a recent phenomenon. I have done everything in my wheelhouse, unhealthy and healthy, to prevent myself from these feelings. I have opened up about this more in the last year with those closest to me. To them, this is another part of my weirdness. But it is more than a part of who I am. It is the part I have mostly tried to hide, drown and bury.

A lot of these attribute to being an empath as does the draining I experience in large crowds and the required solitude. Is it possible all empath’s are energy sensitive?


Stay

Please don’t read this and run for the hills. I am not changing my blog’s focus to crystal healing and contacting spirits but what I am doing is following a path that has seemed to be beaten down right before my very eyes. Each day that I have allowed myself to be receptive, I have received valuable insight into who I am and why I do or have done the things I’ve done.

Before I would not see the correlation rather internally fall to the belief that I am inherently bad or a mistake. I am not finding excuses, I am finding patterns and habits that with time and dedication can be unlearned and broken.

I have been given fresh eyes to see a tattered story that was fueled by fear and lies. One day at a time, I will continue along this journey, keeping it simple and allowing myself to be open to the direction I am taken in. Without resistance.

An Update

Personal Growth & Goals

Currently

I have entered a phase in my blogging career that I have not dealt with. Writing a post feels forced. It hasn’t come naturally in the last two weeks.


Since purchasing my domain I have been trying to develop, more or less, my writer’s voice. In relation to my most well-received posts, it is my personal posts that I receive the most responses. I attribute this to my loyal followers that share a genuine concern about my well being.

When I refer to developing my voice I am speaking in terms of not using the word I and also offering solutions to my reader’s problems. The only problem I am finding is my own. The one where I do not have a solution for others rather advice on what not to do.

This has brought me to a crossroad. 2019 is the year I discover who I am and I am finding blogging, in a form other than personal, is conflicting with my discovery. I find myself putting unnecessary pressure to present my material in a way that isn’t true to my style.

How ironic is that? While trying to love myself I continue trying to not be myself. It is showing up in different areas of my life. I read this great article that allowed me to see that while we may be focusing on one thing we may, in fact, be doing the opposite of that and become worse at it. Once I read this I completely related. To all of it.

I made it a point to not set any blogging goals for the year and as a way of distraction, I am trying to take on a new voice. That’s terrible and I am so glad I caught it when I did. Other things besides the rejection have shown up recently. I’m sure once those come full circle I will share.

I made it through a trying time of self-doubt and comparison and I have no doubt I will make it through this phase. I am happy to have been shown and more happy to have been open to receiving. I had no idea that all I asked for would just magically appear. The signs are there and it is up to me to pay attention. I will never improve if I do not seek the lesson in my pain.

Once again I do not know where to start but I will start by adding this to my list of things to work through with a counselor. I can easily be distracted by the problems of others but in 2019 I won’t be having it. All I want is to be a better person, whole and proud.

I have many great topics that I want to discuss but I am adding them to a list as well for a time when I can dedicate to doing them justice.

This weekend was a rough one with my daughter. She experienced her first full-on panic attack, at school. Immediately my protective nature kicked and I became offended because she didn’t contact me.

While I want to be there for her I am learning that unlike me, she has developed her coping skills. The sad truth is, she is more emotionally mature than I am. I am not ashamed of that. That’s life. Our life. We argued a little as teenage girls and their mother (who act like a teenager) do. I’m working on that too! One at a time! 😂

Something I am trying to do differently is to be easier on myself. I’ve shared that I internalize criticism and hold on to things said in an unhealthy manner. This leads to toxic self-talk which gets me nowhere. The idea that perfection exists is slowly but surely being smashed as I breeze through my days. Some days are better than others but for the most part, I have turned to laughter when I make a mistake. I laugh at myself and evaluate where I can make a change.

I find I need to set up a more organized system for this journey of self-discovery. My lists are in whichever notebook I can find at the moment. I will take today and use it to bring any list together and find them a home in one place. The year is only in its first month and I haven’t fallen behind on any task but getting a grip on any organizing will benefit me in the long run.

My main goal this week is to have a photo shoot with the products I have ready for sale. That was supposed to happen Saturday but due to a scheduling conflict, it didn’t happen. That about rounds it up. My life update in a pretty red bow. Do you have any go-to remedies when you feel as though you have nothing worthy of sharing? Do you laugh at your mistakes instead of beating yourself up? Am I doing anything right?


Let’s chat in the comments. I am taking any and all suggestions on how I can improve this self-discovery journey. Any books you would suggest that had life-changing effects, drop ’em in the comments.

Week Three List Challenge-Revenge of Eve

2019: Week Challenge Week 3

Personal Growth & Goals

Hey, Hey! I hope this post finds you all doing well. I had an interesting week, to say the least. Laying low more than normal and I am ight with that. How about you? Busy, lazy, peaceful??? I will share about my week in a post following this one. Make sure to check it out 🙂

Last week’s list wasn’t my favorite which left me with a blah list. I have a routine and because I am ocd, I love it, all of it. Yes, at the moment, I do not like it at all (my schedule is changing with my life) but it is becoming more and more apparent that I need to change it up. I will.

But on to this week’s list… Lol


52 Lists for Happiness

2019 Challenge-Revenge of Eve
Join us? You can catch the first list and second list

List the things that you are really good at

Take action: Underline the things that you had to work for to become good at it, and circle the things you feel come naturally to you. Do any of these things overlap? Just like happiness, it’s already within you. It just takes practice to experience daily.

Follow the following if you decide to create a post about making your list.

  1. First and foremost credit the author of the book: Moorea Seal because legally, you have to and morally because you don’t wanna be a shitty person. Her work is copyright
  2. Link to the beautiful post I publish each week Don’t know how? Ask and I will explain. Invite your friends. Let’s have happy feeds in 2019. Can you imagine the mental health community…happy? It would be a beautiful thing. Why? because we fuck’n deserve it.
  3. Use the hashtag #52HappyLists and #achallengeforhappiness, please
  4. And last but not least…. enjoy this challenge. Integrate it into your life. Allow it to make small changes in your day, welcome it. We are worth it ya’ll and that is what I have come to know in my heart. Every one of us is worthy, including me.

The take action part of this week’s list caught my attention. I don’t generally consider myself good at much but there are a few things I can come up with. It will be neat to see if they intersect or overlap. And which I feel I am a natural at or required practice. Hmmmm We’ll see what I come up with. If you join in, share with me or not. If this isn’t something you enjoy doing I understand sitting this one out. But it’s going on for a year so you may find you’d like to join in. Do not rule it out! 😉

I haven’t said this in a while but Thank you for being a wonderful community of support and encouragement. I am not nearly as active as I have been for the last 18 months but I still know who my loyal followers are and your presence in my life means a lot. I realize the importance of stepping away and looking out for myself and I know you welcome me back any time with open arms so again, THANK YOU.

Chow,

Who is Candace Lynne??