2.12.19

letter143-Revenghe of Eve

Everything will look so different in a year.

Hopefully, you break through your fears.

Its ok to shed tears.

The joy is worth the pain.

Your life you will regain.

You have pushed boundaries your entire life.

Now you learn to set them.

Express your journey creatively.

Then you learn to be free.

Love,

xoxo


What the universe has taught me lately:

I was listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations and one of her guest said that everyone has a spirit guide, everyone. Oprah asked how does one go about learning their spirit guide’s name and her guest said all you have to do is ask and listen. So I asked and almost immediately the name Jenni popped into my head. The next morning I said, “Ok, If I ask someone their name today and they say, Jenni, then that’s my guides name”.  I went about my day and when I spoke to a coworker I was telling her that I had asked and thought it was Jenni but that I had forgotten to ask anyone’s name and she said: “No you didn’t, you asked the new trainee her name, its Jennifer”. Ironic?? I think not.

My spirit guides name is Jenni.

Learning to Love Myself Without Shrinking

One Word

It is often said that words do not define us.  In my personal realm, they do.  I may have mentioned this a time or two.  What I mean is that I require words to give to people to describe who I am and am not.

I hold onto words.  I have a love-hate relationship with them.  I love how eloquently they roll off your tongue when telling someone you love them.   I love the punch they have when said in anger. 
I am sure we can agree that words are powerful.

Ironically, I struggle to find words that I relate too.  Ya know, fit the definition of.  This was the case when in rehab and mental facilities when the counselors would say that I had abandonment issues.  I never agreed. How could someone have abandonment issues when the abuser was there?  He did not do me a favor and leave, no, he stayed.

One day, out of the blue, it dawned on me.  It is rejection, for me, not abandonment.  Being able to communicate that has changed my world and recently a good friend of mine did it for me with yet again, one word…

Territorial

You all have read about my confession of being able to absorb the energy of others and it is the word territorial that describes why I am the way I am.

How’s that??  Allow me to dish it to ya…

All of my life I have used words such as possessive, protective, even jealous (which I am not by nature) to describe how I am with those closest to me.
Once I feel safe with someone, in my mind, they literally become mine.  Like seriously.

Their well being at that point has been assigned to me to guard.  If at any point I feel that they are in an uncomfortable situation, I swoop in and defend.  I will go to any length to bring my friend or family the level of comfort they need. 

I do not take these actions based on their command, I do so by sensing their energy.  Pretty much their energy tells on them.  At work, if anyone is rude or aggressive with any of the girls,  I immediately chime in and make it known that none of that nonsense will take place.  Not with me around anyway.

Learning to Love Myself-Revenge of Eve

Having always been this way, I never thought to put a word to it. But when I thought about it, the words I did chose were all associated as negative describers and that part of me isn’t necessarily bad or negative. This only confirms one thing, I am not crazy. I do feel on a different spectrum/level than others.

The second I heard my friend use the term territorial in the same sentence as Candace, something clicked. A light flickered and everything seemed to come full circle at that moment. Here’s the circle…

” The things I am to discover about myself are not bad. I am not bad. I was just labeled that as a child growing up. Not only did I think I was because of my dad but also because no one’s parents would let them hang out with me. In my adult life, most of my friend’s boyfriends do not like it when their girlfriend hangs out with me (the insecure ones anyway).”

Candace Lynne

Intimidating and snobby are two words people have used to describe me, more than I’d like to admit.  Two of which, if I may say so myself, are words I’d rather not be associated with. Intimidating isn’t too harsh but snobby is something I have tried my whole life not to be. My dad is a snob. Yuck! When this has been said I didn’t have a rebuttal and now, I do!! I can see it now…

“I thought you were a snob”

“Ummm excuse me??? I am territorial” 😉

(Oh, my bad. I had a moment of role play there for a sec.)


Chit Chat

 

Some people do not like using words to describe them because they feel as though it attaches a label.  I cannot argue that labels are put on people, therefore, limiting their abilities but for me, they are necessary. 

Along this road I am traveling, I discover something new about myself daily.  In an effort to change the way I view myself it is vital that I do not consider things about my character as bad or wrong.

If you have ever suffered emotional abuse a common tendency is to belittle ourselves.  This is the opinion of the abuser not necessarily the opinion we have of ourselves.  It is this conditioning that requires us to take note of the way we talk to ourself, change it, and move forward.  Implementing change takes action and although sometimes difficult, in the end, we reap the benefits.

It is difficult to change any habit and I am finding the kinder I am to myself, the easier the climb.  We each have our own level of tolerance and should never look down upon someone for the choices they make along their journey.  You either accept certain things or you don’t and you move on.  Life is too short to be wasting time in situations with unresolved issues.


By no means has it been easy to get where I am, to be able to say this.  Awkward moments staring in the mirror trying to spit out, “you deserve better than this”, took a strength I had to verbally ask for.  This may seem small to some who may ” have had it worse” but for me,  being kind to myself is the biggest thing I’ve done yet.  Even quitting alcohol after 20+ years abuse seemed easier.

Revenge of Eve

Brokenness can be mended.  Not overnight and not without tears.  I share this not to brag but simply to restore one person’s faith in themselves.  I know if I can do it, you can too.  But you have to want too… Want to remove the chaos, sit in silence, look in the mirror and hold yourself accountable for your role in all of it.  Not as a source of blame but to find a true strength that will elevate you and carry you through.

Tomorrow will present its own set of obstacles but at least now I can approach them with myself on my side.  Lightening the load is half the battle. Learning how to love yourself without shrinking wins the battle.

💕Revenge of Eve

From Conception to Toddler

I keep racking my brain on ways to honor my daughter for the month of February and I seem to fall short on ideas.

So I figured I would make a list of my memories from her conception through her toddler years.

Naming her

When naming her, we decided early on that we liked the name, Kobe. And yes, because of Kobe Bryant. I knew that she had to have a name of Irish descent and Erin fit perfectly with Kobe. This name could be used for a male or female by changing the spelling.

During my pregnancy, we went back and forth but always found our way back to Kobi Erynn, with an I instead of an e and Erynn vs Erin. I’ve always had a knack for unique spellings.

When I found out that I would be induced I looked up birthdays of famous people on that date and low and behold, she shares a birthday with the late Bob Marley. Marley Brooke became an option as far as names go but inevitably when she was born, she was Kobi Erynn.

Her name means: finest grade-origin: Japanese(Kobe) of peace-origin: Irish (Erynn)

Other interesting decisions

While I was carrying my little bambino I decided there would be no pink in her assorted collage of life. I chose purple and yellow as the colors to theme her newborn life. Not intentionally because of the Lakers or LSU but that is what came to mind once that decision was made.

When she arrived much to my surprise she didn’t even weigh 6 pounds! So all of the clothes I had packed for her didn’t fit except ONE soft, powder pink sweet pea outfit that had a kitten on it. How did that sneak past my radar??? I’ll never know but as soon as we put it on her I fell in love with pink… For her anyway.

When it came time to do some shopping, pink it was!! We had to buy at least a few nighties and outfits due to her being so small but besides that, she was set until she was two on clothes. Mint green, yellow and pale colors look beautiful with her skin tone. She has a red undertone to her brown skin that comes from the Native American on both sides of our families.

From Conception to Toddler-Revenge of Eve

Toddler years

On Kids second birthday she got a big girl bed, a twin, with a hot pink comforter, bright flowers, and pillow shams. On this day she put on a pair of big girl panties and slept in her bed. She never once wet the bed!!

*funny puzzle that took 13 years to solve: She used to call a diaper a bop-a-net, said as I spelled it. None of us could figure out where she got the name bopanet so we just went along with it.  For years we tried to figure it out until one day I just so happened to be discussing her calling it that and when I said the word, it made sense….she was trying to say diaper wet!!! A light went off and it was solved, 13 years later!

She never wore a pull-up and never wet the bed. She did not like to be wet, ever. As soon as she figured out that getting a diaper meant she got changed, it was over. We went through so many diapers, it was a relief to put her in panties.

Always wearing cowboy “boops” and panties she pranced around and if she had on clothes, she had on heels. Lol. These little plastic heels, jelly-like, with a rubber section on the bottom to prevent sliding, with butterfly wings that form to make the toe section.

She had to have every color. Clear, pink, blue and purple. Lucky for me they were only $3. She wore them for almost three years. Each time she grew in size, we had to get new heels. She could run fast and stairs were no prob, you could hear her coming a mile away….click, click, click.

Water baby

At three months old, my best friends Mom blew in Kobi’s face and dunked her underwater. I couldn’t watch. Much to my surprise, she didn’t cry. From that moment on she has loved every second of being in the water. At eighteen months old she could swim without floaties.

She would jump off the diving board with me wading in front of the board. I never let her swim to me. She had to jump to me and then swim to the side with me close behind. This was to teach her to not depend on me being there. The rule was if she wanted to jump off the board without me there, she had to do so without floaties. The floaties were thrown out the summer after her turning two.!! People would stare in awe at her little legs as she jumped off the diving board and swam her little body to the side without supervision. I was there but I wasn’t in the water for her to jump too.

People would come up to me and ask how I did it and my response was I taught her not to fear the water, by laying her on her back, and how to kick, the rest, she did. One summer she was set on learning how to swim using above water strokes. She did it. All except the butterfly stroke.

From a very young age, I have watched her set her mind to do something and achieve it. Often times learning much quicker than I had imagined possible. This trait she has carried throughout her life. If she applies herself, she can conquer whatever it is she sets her mind too.

She makes it easy to be proud.

Sneaky…and Thoughtful

Ok…. which one of you nominated me for a bloggers bash award??

Revenge of Eve

I woke this morning to an email that held this gem (above)!! I have been nominated for Best Personal Development Blog and it has to be one of you who did it.

First off I would like to say that I am in shock. After that wears off I think I will find my magnifier and begin looking for clues to find out who exactly nominated me. That is unless they confess.

I am really without words at the moment and awestruck that someone would consider Revenge of Eve. What an honor! I mean … we are a hot mess around here.!! Life has thrown me some curveballs and while I do my best to catch them before smashing me in my face, I hardly thought I was doing good at it. But someone seems to think I am doing ok and can I tell you what a confidence booster that is?!

This community of bloggers amazes me each day. The level of support and encouragement has been what keeps me going on the days I want to shut it down. I am given advice from those who truly care about mine and my daughters well-being. I have a circle of friends now that I can rely on if I am in need and even if I just want something.. they are there. I am not sure what I have done to be so gifted with love from my fellow bloggers but it is an amazing feeling I tell ya!!

Of course now all I can think of are ways to improve the actions I am taking in my personal development in order to be of better service for y’all. But I think I will sit and let this feeling marinate. To whomever did this, gosh, you are so kind and thoughful and sneaky!! You made my day and quite possibly my week. I feel like I have already won!! Thank you for thinking of me and for taking the time out of your day to nominate R.O.E. This act makes me feel seen and heard and isn’t that all we really want?

Now I know what it feels like to be nominated for a Grammy!!! lmao… Just kidd’n 😉

Lots of Love,


2019 Challenge: The Remix

Hey, Rockstars!

S.Y.K.- Revenge of Eve

Last week I announced my dislike for the 52-week lists challenge. I have thought about it and have decided to continue,

But. 

I will be adding my unique style

These questions are not to achieve happiness rather bring a realness to our blogs.


For those of you who have followed R.O.E. for a while, this may seem a bit familiar. That’s because it is. Do you remember G2K?? (Get 2 Know)? Well, I decided to somewhat combine the two.

Introducing…


So You Know (S.Y.K.)

So You Know
So You Know

The Deets

  • A number of questions will be asked. At least 1, no more than 5.
  • Questions will range in subject from cherries to prostitution.
  • Participation will consist of you creating a post on your website, listing the questions and responding.
  • Pingback to any SYK post

My intentions are to ask questions that provoke thought, create a scenario, ask opinions on controversial topics (not necessarily headlines), make you laugh, teach you about yourself, and/or entertain you and your readers, as well as, give a little insight into who is behind the blog.

Any participation is greatly appreciated.

If you come up with a question, let’s chat! Send it on over and I’ll fit it in (and credit you).


S.Y.K.-Revenge of Eve
Reeeemixxx!

S.Y.K

We are going to start off with a pow!! The first edition of S.Y.K. is going to make you think and give your followers insight. Ready??? Oh, yea. We are starting today 🙂

  • What is the soul?
  • What is religion?
  • What is spirituality?
  • What purpose do humans serve in the scheme of things?

A Few things to Keep in Mind

  • There are no right or wrong answers… Your answers = Your opinion = Your life
  • Answer a few or one, whatever you are comfortable with
  • Pingback to any S.Y.K. post
  • Use the hashtag #SYK to tag your post
  • Be real.  If you feel a certain type of way, say it.  You were asked your opinion 😉 (double dog dare)

That’s all folks!! Just a friendly game of questions. I can’t wait to read your answers.

Have any questions for me?? Ask away… Let’s chat!! In the comments or privately, your choice. Have a wonderful Monday, y’all!

Peace out homies 😉

A Little Bit About This and That

Bonding

Often times the bond between mother and daughter is considered one of strain. All too often we hear of the arguments, attitude, and agitation that create stress for this feeble relationship. Teenage years is when most girls begin their menstrual cycle resulting in catastrophic, irrelevant emotional outburst. Ironically us women are similar to a gang. We cycle with the other women who are in our immediate circle after a short time of being around each other.

Check out Here’s the Plan, Man

A little about this and that- Revenge of Eve

No relationship is quite as primal as the one between a mother and her daughter. “It’s the original relationship, and it’s also a relationship that has been sentimentalized but not honored,” says Lee Sharkey, Ph.D., who directs the Women’s Studies program at the University of Maine at Farmington, where she teaches a popular course in mother-daughter relationships. “Women grow up and our energy is largely turned toward men, but the original love relationship is with a mother. If we as daughters don’t acknowledge that, we’re closing ourselves off from a great source of power and fulfillment and understanding of ourselves.

I would like to imagine that my daughter’s relationship with me is one based on respect, trust, and honesty, at least 85% of the time. Our personalities are complete opposites and I believe that to be why we are able to make life work the way we do. She (Kid) is much kinder, considerate, relaxed, and respectful than I ever was as a pre-teen-young adult. She favors her father’s demeanor. She is content by herself which was unheard of when I was her age.

Prior to my teenage years, I was self-reliant, self-entertained, and independent. Somewhere around middle school, I began seeking validation from my peers.  I strongly believe this is where I got lost in life.

This is the time of my daughter’s life when I realized it was time to get sober. The depression was in control and I was a shell. I believe everything happens for a reason and I feel in my heart this is when she needed her dad’s guidance more than mine, although it was not a planned decision.

Not only was she transitioning from living with her mother to living with her father, but she also had to transition from one school district to another.

A little about this and that- Revenge of Eve

One thing I pride myself on as a mother is encouraging my daughter to be herself. I never realized how stable she is in her being until she reached high school. Her friends will go out and drink, some smoke marijuana, and she is content sitting at home watching tv. Rarely will she ask to go do something but when she does, the answer is always yes… which leads to my weakness as a mother. I find it difficult to tell her no. In fact, I do not know if I have ever. Of course, if it is something that will harm her, I say no but if she outright asks for something from me, she’s going to get it. She knows it too. She is such a great teen that I feel as though she should be rewarded.


Personality


My daughter has a docile, quiet nature.  She is supportive of her friend’s struggles, always offering solid advice.  She isn’t one to tell you what you want to hear rather what needs to be said.  At times she can be timid.  She is patient and observant which allows her to form her own opinion.  I am not claiming that she is perfect but pretty damn close 😉

She is a great soccer player but it didn’t come easy for her.  She has put in work to get where she is.  She dedicated herself to it and has come far.  I would say that he is not a follower but not exactly a leader either.   She is somewhere in the middle.  Like a silent partner.  I don’t know how to explain it.  She is just laid back.

Physical

My daughter was a spitting image of her father but as she has gotten older her face is thinning out and she somewhat favors me.   She has my t-zone for sure.  She has a round face whereas I have an oval-shaped face.


I thought for sure she would tower over me but such is not the case.  I am 5’10 and she has stopped growing at a mere 5’6.  We know that she will not get any taller because she had to see a foot specialist and he told us her growth plate has closed.  Never did I imagine her being my sister’s height.

We are all guilty of preconceived notions of how or what our children will be like.  In my case, I was destined to have a disrespectful, brat when in fact I was blessed with an angel.  I suppose I am enough brat for the both of us.  She is her own person with her own opinions and beliefs.  Her father and I did one thing right and that was to raise a respectful, dignified young lady who loves herself.   And we didn’t do it alone.  There has been a community of friends that have had their hand in raising her.  She makes us all proud.


Make sure to look out for tomorrows post 🙂 And to my subscribers….. get ready because this week I will be sending out my first video!! I’ve just gotta record it …. lmao but no really!!

Gotta dash ~ I’m here if anyone needs me ~ always