All of My Days

All of my days-Revenge of Eve

Kobi Erynn

As time passes it becomes apparent that you were meant to be my only.

Because of you I never feel lonely.

It amazes me, your unconditional love.

Fallen on hard times, I wondered how I would rise above.

You have proven to me that I am worthy of.

Without knowing so you pushed me to be the me that I’ve longed to be.

And because of you, I am being set free.

You were sent to me for many reasons but the most important one was to teach me.

You teach me without being aware.

This knowledge cannot be compared.

A knowledge of motherhood

That only you could.

Each time I think of the ways, you brighten my days,

I am shown that you deserve much praise.

You have been a blessing to raise.

I promise to love you for all of my days.

ūüíē

From Conception to Toddler

I keep racking my brain on ways to honor my daughter for the month of February and I seem to fall short on ideas.

So I figured I would make a list of my memories from her conception through her toddler years.

Naming her

When naming her, we decided early on that we liked the name, Kobe. And yes, because of Kobe Bryant. I knew that she had to have a name of Irish descent and Erin fit perfectly with Kobe. This name could be used for a male or female by changing the spelling.

During my pregnancy, we went back and forth but always found our way back to Kobi Erynn, with an I instead of an e and Erynn vs Erin. I’ve always had a knack for unique spellings.

When I found out that I would be induced I looked up birthdays of famous people on that date and low and behold, she shares a birthday with the late Bob Marley. Marley Brooke became an option as far as names go but inevitably when she was born, she was Kobi Erynn.

Her name means: finest grade-origin: Japanese(Kobe) of peace-origin: Irish (Erynn)

Other interesting decisions

While I was carrying my little bambino I decided there would be no pink in her assorted collage of life. I chose purple and yellow as the colors to theme her newborn life. Not intentionally because of the Lakers or LSU but that is what came to mind once that decision was made.

When she arrived much to my surprise she didn’t even weigh 6 pounds! So all of the clothes I had packed for her didn’t fit except ONE soft, powder pink sweet pea outfit that had a kitten on it. How did that sneak past my radar??? I’ll never know but as soon as we put it on her I fell in love with pink… For her anyway.

When it came time to do some shopping, pink it was!! We had to buy at least a few nighties and outfits due to her being so small but besides that, she was set until she was two on clothes. Mint green, yellow and pale colors look beautiful with her skin tone. She has a red undertone to her brown skin that comes from the Native American on both sides of our families.

From Conception to Toddler-Revenge of Eve

Toddler years

On Kids second birthday she got a big girl bed, a twin, with a hot pink comforter, bright flowers, and pillow shams. On this day she put on a pair of big girl panties and slept in her bed. She never once wet the bed!!

*funny puzzle that took 13 years to solve: She used to call a diaper a bop-a-net, said as I spelled it. None of us could figure out where she got the name bopanet so we just went along with it.  For years we tried to figure it out until one day I just so happened to be discussing her calling it that and when I said the word, it made sense….she was trying to say diaper wet!!! A light went off and it was solved, 13 years later!

She never wore a pull-up and never wet the bed. She did not like to be wet, ever. As soon as she figured out that getting a diaper meant she got changed, it was over. We went through so many diapers, it was a relief to put her in panties.

Always wearing cowboy “boops” and panties she pranced around and if she had on clothes, she had on heels. Lol. These little plastic heels, jelly-like, with a rubber section on the bottom to prevent sliding, with butterfly wings that form to make the toe section.

She had to have every color. Clear, pink, blue and purple. Lucky for me they were only $3. She wore them for almost three years. Each time she grew in size, we had to get new heels. She could run fast and stairs were no prob, you could hear her coming a mile away….click, click, click.

Water baby

At three months old, my best friends Mom blew in Kobi’s face and dunked her underwater. I couldn’t watch. Much to my surprise, she didn’t cry. From that moment on she has loved every second of being in the water. At eighteen months old she could swim without floaties.

She would jump off the diving board with me wading in front of the board. I never let her swim to me. She had to jump to me and then swim to the side with me close behind. This was to teach her to not depend on me being there. The rule was if she wanted to jump off the board without me there, she had to do so without floaties. The floaties were thrown out the summer after her turning two.!! People would stare in awe at her little legs as she jumped off the diving board and swam her little body to the side without supervision. I was there but I wasn’t in the water for her to jump too.

People would come up to me and ask how I did it and my response was I taught her not to fear the water, by laying her on her back, and how to kick, the rest, she did. One summer she was set on learning how to swim using above water strokes. She did it. All except the butterfly stroke.

From a very young age, I have watched her set her mind to do something and achieve it. Often times learning much quicker than I had imagined possible. This trait she has carried throughout her life. If she applies herself, she can conquer whatever it is she sets her mind too.

She makes it easy to be proud.

A Little Bit About This and That

Bonding

Often times the bond between mother and daughter is considered one of strain. All too often we hear of the arguments, attitude, and agitation that create stress for this feeble relationship. Teenage years is when most girls begin their menstrual cycle resulting in catastrophic, irrelevant emotional outburst. Ironically us women are similar to a gang. We cycle with the other women who are in our immediate circle after a short time of being around each other.

Check out Here’s the Plan, Man

A little about this and that- Revenge of Eve

No relationship is quite as primal as the one between a mother and her daughter. “It’s the original relationship, and it’s also a relationship that has been sentimentalized but not honored,” says Lee Sharkey, Ph.D., who directs the Women’s Studies program at the University of Maine at Farmington, where she teaches a popular course in mother-daughter relationships. “Women grow up and our energy is largely turned toward men, but the original love relationship is with a mother. If we as daughters don’t acknowledge that, we’re closing ourselves off from a great source of power and fulfillment and understanding of ourselves.

I would like to imagine that my daughter’s relationship with me is one based on respect, trust, and honesty, at least 85% of the time. Our personalities are complete opposites and I believe that to be why we are able to make life work the way we do. She (Kid) is much kinder, considerate, relaxed, and respectful than I ever was as a pre-teen-young adult. She favors her father’s demeanor. She is content by herself which was unheard of when I was her age.

Prior to my teenage years, I was self-reliant, self-entertained, and independent. Somewhere around middle school, I began seeking validation from my peers.  I strongly believe this is where I got lost in life.

This is the time of my daughter’s life when I realized it was time to get sober. The depression was in control and I was a shell. I believe everything happens for a reason and I feel in my heart this is when she needed her dad’s guidance more than mine, although it was not a planned decision.

Not only was she transitioning from living with her mother to living with her father, but she also had to transition from one school district to another.

A little about this and that- Revenge of Eve

One thing I pride myself on as a mother is encouraging my daughter to be herself. I never realized how stable she is in her being until she reached high school. Her friends will go out and drink, some smoke marijuana, and she is content sitting at home watching tv. Rarely will she ask to go do something but when she does, the answer is always yes… which leads to my weakness as a mother. I find it difficult to tell her no. In fact, I do not know if I have ever. Of course, if it is something that will harm her, I say no but if she outright asks for something from me, she’s going to get it. She knows it too. She is such a great teen that I feel as though she should be rewarded.


Personality


My daughter has a docile, quiet nature.¬† She is supportive of her friend’s struggles, always offering solid advice.¬† She isn’t one to tell you what you want to hear rather what needs to be said.¬† At times she can be timid.¬† She is patient and observant which allows her to form her own opinion.¬† I am not claiming that she is perfect but pretty damn close ūüėČ

She is a great soccer player but it didn’t come easy for her.  She has put in work to get where she is.  She dedicated herself to it and has come far.  I would say that he is not a follower but not exactly a leader either.   She is somewhere in the middle.  Like a silent partner.  I don’t know how to explain it.  She is just laid back.

Physical

My daughter was a spitting image of her father but as she has gotten older her face is thinning out and she somewhat favors me.   She has my t-zone for sure.  She has a round face whereas I have an oval-shaped face.


I thought for sure she would tower over me but such is not the case.¬† I am 5’10 and she has stopped growing at a mere 5’6.¬† We know that she will not get any taller because she had to see a foot specialist and he told us her growth plate has closed.¬† Never did I imagine her being my sister’s height.

We are all guilty of preconceived notions of how or what our children will be like.¬† In my case, I was destined to have a disrespectful, brat when in fact I was blessed with an angel.¬† I suppose I am enough brat for the both of us.¬† She is her own person with her own opinions and beliefs.¬† Her father and I did one thing right and that was to raise a respectful, dignified young lady who loves herself.¬†¬† And we didn’t do it alone.¬† There has been a community of friends that have had their hand in raising her.¬† She makes us all proud.


Make sure to look out for tomorrows post ūüôā And to my subscribers….. get ready because this week I will be sending out my first video!! I’ve just gotta record it …. lmao but no really!!

Gotta dash ~ I’m here if anyone needs me ~ always

Your Intro to the World

My Precious Child

I am not certain if you will read these posts or if I will invite you to but the one thing I am certain of is the love I hold for you. ‚̧

Mom

At the time this post is published, you were born 17 years ago

*alarm* 4 am

I packed your hospital bag as though we were going on a week-long vacation. Stuffed with socks, rags, your coming home outfit, 5 other outfits, bottles, a paci… I was prepared and then some.

On the way to the hospital, I kept repeating, ” I’m not nervous at all… You’d think I’d be nervous, but I’m not..”…

And then I was admitted and instructed to go to the bathroom to put on my gown and while I did that, your dad was sent to complete some paperwork on a different floor. As soon as I dropped my clothes I stood there trembling as tears streamed down my face and I said the words, ” I want my momma”, out loud.

Hours later, I would become a mother myself. The joy I felt in those moments is indescribable. Pure, unfiltered, not forced.. Happiness. For the first (and only) time, I cried tears of joy.

Revenge of Eve

Surrounded by love, those who came to wait for your arrival, brought Mardi Gras beads, ordered pizza in the lobby, and frantically paced in and out of my labor room. I posed for pictures with an oxygen mask on until the doctor kicked everyone out (approximately 8 centimeters). My two best friends were in the room and at one point I see, through my lifted legs, a camera strap flying over the doctors head. With a friend at each foot…we have the pictures of your raw entrance. Not per request! Lol

There was indeed a celebration the day you graced us with your beautiful soul. I can hardly believe that I have a child 17-years old! Where did the time go?  Last time I looked you were in diapers wearing plastic heels, clicking through our house. 

Revenge of Eve

At 3:19 pm, February 6, 2002, you were weighed in at a whopping 5 pounds and 12 ounces. From the moment you were born, I have felt whole. You have taught me more than I imagined I could learn from a little person.  You singlehandedly push me to be the best version of myself.  Your quiet demeanor captivates me.  I love you more each day and I am grateful to be your mother.


Happy 17th Birthday, Kid!

The Words of A Picture

Oh Snap!

oh Snap-Revenge of Eve

So… I took a selfie tonight and I must say, my face has begun to age. I noticed a slight change two years ago but in tonight’s picture, I can see even more aging. I don’t know how I feel about this just yet. I have candidly made comments that I was going to start saving for a facelift.

Growing up everyone said I was a spitt’n image of my dad. I didn’t like that because I thought little girls were supposed to look like their mommas.

Back to the picture…


The features of mine that are aging are the same features in my fathers aging face; meaning that although everyone now says I look like my Ma, I resemble my father more.

What a bummer.

[Maybe that’s why he rejected me. A mirror image will make you do one of two things: change or never look in that mirror again. He chose the latter]

So I can see why I would have plastic surgery. Reconstruct my image to suit the more confident, brave(r) me. I just want a little nip and tuck around my neck area. It is sagging.

Oh, yeah… I haven’t started working on forgiving my dad, yet. I don’t know how you prove emotional abuse but I was emotionally tormented by my father.

I need to put that out there so I can begin healing. I would have rather been raised in his absence. And I have carried around his lies about who I am for far too long.

But.

This will require a counselor.


For accountability

I am saying out loud

I, Candace Lynne, will make an appointment with a therapist by March 1, 2019.


I am ready to get on with my life. See what it has to offer me or better yet, what I have to offer it.

With a nice lift ūüėČ in my spirits.

More Importantly

Watching my daughter cope with anxiety, that is now showing up physically, has been one of the hardest, eye-opening experiences of my life.

For those of you that are new around these parts, I have one child, a daughter, who will be 17 in two weeks. She is the most respectful, intelligent, compassionate, young lady. Yes, I am biased but she truly displays those characteristics.

She has struggled with performance anxiety ever since kindergarten where she had to dance on stage with a partner in front of the magnet performing arts school, kindergarten parents. She would shake her hands while her arms flailed by her side as if she were shaking off the numbness. Over the years her coping skills remained similar, from shaking her hands to stretching her fingers. Within the past three years, her anxiety has reached an all-time high with her once favorite sport, soccer.

She had her first anxiety attack last Friday at school. Up to Friday and through tonight (Thursday), she hasn’t been doing so well. She got on the field tonight for a brief moment. I know my child and I know she isn’t ok. I am giving her time to process what it is that has gotten her in such an upheaval. Come next Friday, when I get her, she should be ready to talk.

The pressure of her academic courses has increased with two of her classes demanding more time than she has in a day. As a junior in high school, she enrolls in courses receiving college credit. Piled on top of soccer has become too much for her to handle. Instead of quitting, my daughter shows up. She cheers on her team from the bench as I stare at her across the field. She has a muscle in her upper thigh, her I.T. band, that is preventing her from playing. I believe it is her anxiety manifesting itself.

Coming from a parent, it is torcher to watch, heartbreakingly so. There is a helplessness that makes me feel inadequate along with a sense of blame. She struggles because of me. With mental illness having a genetic trait, I fear it’s debilitating wrath.

Needless to say the past two weeks, with my own growing pains, have extended themselves to an emotional roller coaster. We are moving into week three and I desperately need a solution or at least that’s how it feels. This to shall pass.


Have you dealt with mental illness within your family?? Give us some advice. We need it! Share in the comments or chat via email.

Ta-ta ~

Evaluating Friendships

It is a new year and with that comes change.  We organize our life, set goals and lose the weight but what about our friendships?  Our relationships impact and influence our direction in life. As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together.  But are you in the flock with your friends?

Let’s face it, if you made the decision to go vegan in 2019 it will not help that each time you go to dinner at your best friend’s house she is serving wild game.  So while we are clearing out the energy for new beginnings, let’s evaluate our friendships to decide which box they go in.

Is it ever ok to interject?

Having relationships is the key to human growth.  We learn from each other, lean on each other, and love one another.  Experiencing life with someone encapsulates what it means to be human.  It is a connection that we most naturally desire, being a part of, belonging.

In our relationships, it is a priority to set personal boundaries.  These boundaries are allowed to vary on an individual basis.

Candace Lynne

Boundaries are two things:

  1. Respect
  2. Necessary

We have all experienced the loss of friendship and while some were easy to let go of, others not as much.  Through sadness, grief, birthdays and milestones our bonds are strengthened or in the absences of, lessened.  Respect is the utmost pedestal compliment you can ever receive or give in a friendship.

You will find that in this post I use the terms relationship and friendship interchangeably and that is because they are one and the same.  A friendship is a relationship in our lives that requires maintenance. In relationships, we have a role, to recognize this is a guarantee for a healthy, long-lasting friendship.

Evaluating Friendships-Revenge of Eve

Individual Opinions & Sharing

The heading of this post was a foreshadowing to this section.  This section is interactive and presents questions that we may ask ourselves in order to determine, is it ever ok to interject your opinion.  I encourage using the comment section to discuss what you came up with.

Most of us, especially women, have been in the classic situation of giving friendly advice when we see that our friend is in a toxic relationship.  This is assuming he or she came to you with a problem and asked for help in finding a solution.

  1. Do you point out the obvious?  That regardless of this isolated incident, the relationship is doom for failure?
  2. Do you dig up past events that are similar to this situation and point out patterns?
  3. Do you listen and let your friend work it out on their own with your guidance?
  4. Do you make excuses regardless of right or wrong in defense of your friend?
  5. Do you stay out of it?

In my personal experience, this has been a challenge for me. ¬†A true struggle. Regardless of my friend’s attachment or feelings, I have let loose with my observations and it has caused a strain in my friendships. ¬†After years of practice, I came to the conclusion that my friends are going to do whatever they want to do. It is best that I keep my opinions to myself even if I have been asked. ¬†This seems to be the safest way of respecting their decisions but also allowing them a space to vent without judgment.

Of course, it goes to say that there are a million scenarios, some more serious than others.  How do you know when to intervene? Here is my view: the only time you have the right to step in is when there are children involved.  If the children are being physically abused, neglected or suffering any type of abuse, you as an adult speak on behalf of the child involved. First, confront your friend and from there get the authorities involved.  Who cares if you lose a friend at that point. The damage being done to the child can end with you. You cannot assume the child is in danger you must be 100% sure they are unsafe before reporting.

What if your friend is being physically abused?  You listen. You drop clues for counseling. Invite them to educate themselves on the forms of abuse.  Whatever you do, do not get in the middle of it. They will choose the abusive relationship over the friendship every single time.  In order to respect your own boundaries, you may have to walk away from the friendship until they get out of the abusive relationship.  This does not guarantee they will leave but it is necessary you govern your boundaries.

Are you still wondering when you interject?  You don’t! If it is something you cannot tolerate, you walk away.


Quality of Friendship

Is your friendship healthy or toxic?  How do you determine?

Below are qualities seen in a healthy friendship

  • Supportive of decisions
  • Accepting of each other’s faults
  • Do not judge one another
  • Encourages growth
  • Defend each other‚Äôs character
  • Does not gossip about the other
  • Gives honest feedback
  • Loyal
  • Respectful of boundaries
  • Honest
  • Dependable/ Reliable
  • Trustworthy
  • Open communication

As you can imagine, toxic friendships offer the opposite qualities.  Toxic friendships can be obvious to some yet hidden to others. We may not realize that it is our closest and longest friendship that are holding us back.  Limiting beliefs, fear of judgment and unadvised opinions can dictate a bond that needs to be severed.

A good way to know if you have a toxic friend is by writing down how they react to certain situations.  Are they the nagging reminder of a failed project? When you achieve a goal, are they there to celebrate?  Have you ever been at lunch with this particular friend and gone into the bathroom to find a piece of black pepper in your teeth?  That is a sure way of knowing if they are for you or in competition with you.

Evaluating Friendships-Revenge of Eve

Letting go

Easier said than done but letting go of a few friendships will do you no harm.  How much you want to bet they barely notice? That is what is sad. Many people claim to be your friend in the company of others yet they do not call, make lunch dates, or even text.  

By no means am I the perfect example of a friend. ¬†I allow physical distance to separate me from them and once I arrive at home, I do me. ¬†My friends and I designated Thursdays as our hang out day. We did really well the first month and after that, it has been hit or miss. ¬†Luckily we see each other at work but if it wasn’t for work I’m not sure how often we would see each other. 

In 2018, after a year of distance, I had to let go of my lifelong best friend not because of me but because of her.  She refuses to seek mental health assistance and I made the toughest decision ever.  I separated from her and in doing so I realized it was me who kept our friendship alive.  Her selfishness had reached its apex and I, although sad, have felt relief.


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The thing is is that we each have our own lives but it is important to set aside time for those in your life who truly matter.  Because if they were to die tomorrow, you would regret not doing so. Death is the only certain in life.  Do yourself a favor and evaluate your friendships and say goodbye to those that no longer serve a purpose in your life.

Candace Lynne - Revenge of Eve