It is 2 am. Storms are rolling in. The temperature is forecast to drop significantly. That will be wonderful! Temps in the 70’s is something I can live with. My first alarm is set for 7:45 am and I should probably be asleep but my mind will not stop. After looking at the clock every five minutes for two hours, I decided I would get up and start a journal I have been wanting to make.
And so I type this while the glue dries some and next I will add more layers. There is a lot going on in my world as of late and my calmness about all of it is…well, freaky. Obviously, I am an overthinker and prone to stress but I’ve not allowed myself to detour down that path because it is pointless. Although… I am capable of switching off thinking altogether, that’s not what I have done. Instead, I am focusing on the relief that has come with not stressing.
Forgive me if I am talking in circles. I have a tendency to do that. I wish what is on my mind was exclusive to one topic/problem/curiosity. But… it’s not. It is a jumble of thoughts, questions, ideas, why’s, I wonder if’s, and fucks; I did that? Not necessarily anything that has to do with right now or ever. Isn’t that how it goes?
I was able to pinpoint a trigger for extreme aggravation last night but unfortunately my communication of such didn’t go over so well. Good thing I was with a friend who, after she called me out, heard me out. I told her it wasn’t directed towards her or our company rather myself and how I am learning to associate the way I am feeling with what is or has been going on.
Apparently, it is rude to say, I haven’t had enough silence today, while two people are in the middle of a conversation. In my defense, I woke up late (2 pm), immediately started getting dressed for the evening to meet up with them which entailed being in public, sweating my ass off, and once we arrived at our pool destination (11 pm) I thought I would be able to decompress and float. It seemed the more I tried to tune them out, the longer the story got and the more annoying the tone of voices got. I was doing everything in my power to zone out until I just couldn’t. Prior to my rudeness, I did ask nicely for a few minutes of silence and my request was blown off. Needless to say, once I made it home (1 am) I was able to think how I could have said it better and I came up with, I am overstimulated. I’m not sure that statement would result in silence but it does sound nicer, right?…
It’s now 3:00 am and I am gonna try to get some sleep. I have to be up to be somewhere by 10:30 am. Sigh. Fingers crossed I hear one of my three alarms. I do have a backup plan to ensure I make it – Ma said she will make sure I am up by 8:30, per request. I have almost completely flipped my schedule back to what it was years ago and I love it. I love night time. The stillness…and silence😂😂 Good night, y’all. Have a great work week and remember you rock!!