letter143-Revenge of Eve

6.28.19

Mental Health & Recovery

*language warning*

I am finding this time of my life extremely difficult. Each time I feel as though I advance on a spiritual level, something material or childish, immature behavior on behalf of others, pulls me down. I want to run away. Sell my car and live on the streets. This race to maintain and all the glory given to the almighty dollar has my life in shambles. Do you know how it feels to say “I am unhappy. I want to quit my job” and to have your mother remind you that you have bills?? Because she “wants to mentor me”. Are you fucking kidding me? Mentor a 40-year-old?!! For crying out loud, it’s a little fuck’n late don’tcha think???

And life with a teen is pure bliss. If I see her. She’s in and out. When she’s in, she’s laid up in her room without a care in the world. The world spins for her and what else is there to do? Or that’s what I assume she thinks because hell, I have no clue what she thinks. Every time I think I do, I get it wrong.

Do you ever feel like there is always someone standing over your shoulder criticizing every step you take? That’s what life feels like for me and it fuck’n sucks!!! Because if we gonna do that, I got a list for them too…but I do not want to feed into that energy but…Did I mention it fuck’n sucks? No one wants to evaluate themselves. They’d rather point out everything you do “wrong”. I’m over it!!

I’d like to touch on gossiping and I mean barely skim over the subject: GROW SOME BALLS AND COMMUNICATE!!! And to the two-faced people out there…grow the fuck up. You think you are slick?? You are a waste of time. Stop trying to snake your way into friendships because who you truly are will soon surface.

I’m going to take a nap and try again. Let’s hope I feel better when I wake up because right now….

16 thoughts on “6.28.19

  1. I feel for you. I can relate to sometimes wanting to leave everything behind. I don’t have a job, but well impulsive decisions can be as detrimental. I do kunderstand you don’t want your mother to tell you w hat to do either.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I too hate gossip. Unless you’re trying to solve a communications breakdown, I just think it’s lame and horrible. I had a workplace once where it was gossip city. Those people were so horrible.

    I admire how hard you work at your job!! Go you!! You’re doing great with the bill paying and all!! If I were you, I’d feel very proud! So you must be about my age of 42?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, boy! I’m so sorry to hear things are rough. If I were you, I’d establish healthy boundaries between you and mom. You’re right, your 40-years-old… But, at the same time, keep in mind… She doesn’t want you to experience the same mistakes she made when she had you.
    As far as your daughter is concerned… It’s that age. Naturally, she is going to be in her own world. She’s thinking about how it’s gonna be like when she goes off to school and living on her own.
    We all go through growing pains. Hell, I’m 53 and I’m still growing every day.
    Sending you ((((Hugs)))) and prayers your way, Sweetie. Hang in there! 💗

    Liked by 1 person

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