It is now the new year. So much pressure is put on the new year and I realized this as I scrolled through reading the posts of other bloggers. I am not putting that pressure on myself. I am aware that life happens and that I am not in control but I will do what I am capable of doing to pass on positivity and learn about myself in the process.
I have set my goals for January. The target goal assigned to this month is: Be More Present (most significantly as a mom)
Keeping it simple they are:
- Do not take my phone to the field (soccer).
- One hour each time Kid is with me is to be spent with no technology
- Journal daily
My secondary goals are:
- Exercise 30 minutes a day. Not strenuous or exhaustive. Stretching is good.
- Use the focus mode setting on my laptop.
- Listen to a podcast about mindfulness. Do not do anything while listening.
- Write a gratitude list every morning.
I did not list exercise as a goal to lose weight. I am at a good weight but I would like to tone the loose, hanging skin (as tears drop my eyes). I am no spring chicken and at 40 I need to keep momentum for health purposes. I am not one who is committed to eating healthy or exercising. I was gifted with decent enough genes that I haven’t worried about it. This isn’t to say that I’ve never been overweight because in my alcoholism I weighed a hearty 200 pounds. When I quit drinking I was able to shed 60 pounds pretty quickly. Shew but with that came flabby skin that I am self-conscious about. Well, I start today and will begin with stretching.
Podcast & Gratitude
Ok. I have been waiting with bated breath to share with y’all my absolute favorite podcast so far. I am new to the scene of podcasts so it is possible you have discovered this one but if you haven’t, you must! If you are on any type of spiritual journey or identity journey, I highly recommend Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations. Hands down a goosebump, ah-ha type of podcast.
I listen to it on Spotify but I am sure it is on iTunes as well. I pay monthly for my account so I am not sure if the free version offers podcasts. Each morning I have it programmed to play on my Google Home after the weather. It has been an inspiring way to begin my day.
A common denominator that the guests share about being fulfilled in life is through gratitude, love, and compassion. I will be intent on focusing on each of these individually with my target goals but also as a combined practice. Listing three things that I am grateful for in my planner helps keep me mindful throughout the day about the small things in life. I know I need it. Not because I am ungrateful but because I tend to forget about how good I have it.
When I first began Revenge of Eve my tagline was Painfully Privileged. I changed it so that I didn’t come off snobby but that is my truth. I have been fortunate throughout my life, not without pain, and I used that as a snarky tagline but ultimately removed it. My mother has provided shelter for my daughter and I over the course of my adult life. When I was actively drinking I would do good, move out, maintain, and then fall back. She has always been there to catch me and I realize not everyone has this luxury. Some may call it enabling but my Ma is not going to let her granddaughter suffer because of her mom’s choices.
Most of you are aware that I struggle with focusing. Thanksgiving night I braved the crowd and went to Best Buy with the intentions of getting a phone and walked out with an HP 2n1 Pavillion laptop. Under the setting is a mode called focus. As I have mentioned I haven’t used it yet but January will be the month. I will set the mode for one of my time blocks; 45 minutes. I will report the details in a later post. Fingers crossed it works.
The most significant change I am considering is leaving my job at the casino. It is extremely taxing physically and in order for our shift to operate smoothly all hand must be on deck. We have run into an entitled group of young servers who do not pull their weight making the load for us senior servers too heavy to bear. At my age and with my anger, I am tired, overworked and unhappy.
I am thinking about job hunting at a local bar where it is me I rely on. Being behind a bar is my safe area. It’s me that sets up, serves my guests, cleans and makes my money. So you guessed it. If I am going to be frustrated with anyone it will be myself. I have a loyalty to my managers at the casino and that has been what has kept me there the past week. I have left my shift in complete disarray as of late. The holiday season is grueling on my body and adding the extra weight of immature, lazy 19-23-year-olds, pisses me off. It isn’t necessary. I am prepared to make these difficult decisions this year. It is myself who has to live with what I choose and I trust me now. And that feels good.
I voiced my thoughts to my manager and she asked I hang on a little while longer until she can get new staff on board. I will wait as patiently as possible for the next two weeks.
As part of my morning routine, I write the thoughts that come to mind. I wrote the above, difficult decisions, before going into work. When I arrived at work my co-worker Dawn said she had something for me. Surprised and not knowing what for my immediate response was why. She knew I had a bad day the day before and she thought a gift bag full of stickers would brighten my day, along with two pair off socks and a cute triangular hanging flag! She was right! It literally made my heart pound that she would do something as sweet as this for me. Her story and mine are strangely familiar and that is what we have built our friendship upon. This gesture added such a kind sense of compassion to our friendship. It is these type of acts of kindness that restore my faith in humanity, a smidget. 😉